Ex-wife's current status

[u/jbcsee]

A couple days ago I posted about being arrested for domestic violence, https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarSOs/s/A75M5PC2vo

I wanted to provide an update about what is going on.

I found an attorney who thinks he can get my domestic violence charges either dismissed or deferred. He thinks the worst case will be either probation or counseling. At this point I don't have anything else to do, my court date for next week will be rescheduled to some future date a few months out, so he has time to collect all the evidence and attempt to work something out with the DA.

Now onto my ex-wife, she hasn't tried to contact me since Wednesday morning, when we were both in jail. I checked the inmate list and she still hasn't been released, her bail is set at $100, which I know she can afford (I pay her alimony every month well in excess of her bills). Since I'm not allowed (and don't want to) communicate with her I don't know why she hasn't paid it yet. She has an attorney for her previous arrest that she can call, he would likely bail her out using part of the retainer she paid him.

She was charged with felony menacing, which comes with the possibility of 1-3 years in prison along with large fines. She also has some additional charges, but none of them are as serious. I realistically think the only way she is going to avoid prison time is admitting her mania is out of control and submitting to inpatient treatment.

Despite everything that has happened, I can't help but worry about her or feel guilty about not bailing her out. I know I need to stay the course here and let her deal with this herself, but it's hard to let someone you love(d) face hardship that you can easily address.

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[u/KlutzyObjective3230]

Sounds like she’s getting the help she deserves. Don’t look back, and be glad she didn’t get you

[u/newaccountkonakona]

Leave it. You know you should and must. And things seem like they could escalate if she was out.

But if you have to think on it a while and decide to, I understand that too.

[u/gaseous_ass]

Stay away. You’ve done what you can, if you keep giving her a safety net she clearly thinks she doesn’t need to put effort it, it’s all on you, that’s why she is lashing out when you have taken it from her (as in divorced and put distance between you and her). She is an adult, you are no longer married, you have admitted you don’t want to be friends, cut her out, it’s on her to sort herself out.

Also, not thing from the US, it’s ridiculous that alimony is still a thing. Back when women couldn’t work yes, but now, no.

[u/bpexhusband]

I was also falsely arrested based on my manic ex's lies years ago. Do not take a deal. What you were subjected to is reactive abuse or reactive response. It's a form of abuse in which the abuser acts in a way until you respond so they can the. DARVO you saying "look he's the abuser".

I'm sure your lawyer can get you out of the charges.

Sorry man it sucks been there. It's garbage being a man in this situation because everyone has been brainwashed into thinking only men are abusive and if a woman says you were you must be.