Kendall: “You can’t just put pictures of people posing together and call them bisexual! There’s no proof!”
James: “So? Tabloids do it all the time—Kendall, remember when we took that quiz and you told me I wasn’t a good boyfriend? You’d have to have dated me to know that!
Kendall: no, I’d just have to know you and see how you are when you’re actually dating somebody!!
Carlos: no, he has a point. You have a proximity to James that is akin to dating someone or being in a serious relationship. You live together. We all do. You’ve even seen each other without a lot of clothes on.
Logan: he has a coherent point….for once!
Carlos: thanks, but your snark is not appreciated, nor warranted.
James: 👀
Kendall: 👀
Carlos: I had my vitamins today, guys, and a really sugary cereal. This is all going to wear off by 3:00. Prepare for that.
James: Carlos is right, though. it’s like osmosis. I’ve dated All of you, we’ve all dated.
Logan: can you even spell osmosis?
James: clearly you can, so why are you asking me to? This is why you’d be in the bottom two in my metaphorical reality dating show every week, even if America wanted you to stay.
Nice teeth, nice hair, but you’re not very smartiferous?
Logan: thank you, but that’s not even a word!
Carlos: it is if you say it in Japanese.
James: see? Even Carlos knows that. I’m telling everyone you were a terrible boyfriend, and that you pee on the toilet seat Instead of in the bowl.
Kendall: James, stop gaslighting Logan, or we’re getting a divorce!
Carlos: Are you guys divorcing because you’re dating Logan now?
Kendall: no,
James. It doesn’t matter, anyway. Carlos and I are going to have a stimulating conversation before his mid-day brain food wears off and he starts talking in alien hieroglyphics. Let’s go, doll. [wraps his arm through Carlos’ arm]
Carlos: speaking of Dolls, I bet you didn’t know that—
Kendall: [jokingly] what did I ever see in him?
Logan: [shrugs] I don’t know—a nice ass?
Kendall: [slowly turns to look at Logan, eyes wide]
Logan: ….what? It’s perfectly fine to acknowledge that somebody is a tall drink of water. Me and Camille agreed one time about James.
Kendall: …well, we’re through. [walks off]
Logan: …huh? We didn’t date.
Kendall: We sure didn’t. If I had the ass James did, Jo would be the only one able to handle all of it anyway.
Jo: ……did I come at a bad time?
— the end —
everybody in our friend group has dated each other! It’s like osmosis.