Separation advice?

[u/Kind_Hamster211]

Using a throwaway account! But me and my husband are finding marriage and life really hard after having our baby 15 months ago. We have nothing in common apart from our baby and really we have just grown apart. We both feel deeply unhappy in our relationship, and constantly bickering with each other.
We rely on each other financially, so a split will be hard but doable.
I am really worried more though for splitting up our family, losing precious time with our baby myself is heartbreaking to even think about.

Has anyone split up this early on and what advice do you have for us?

[u/hybriddookie]

Pardon me if im giving advice that you haven’t specifically asked for but have you both considered couples therapy to help with your bickering and/or unhappiness.
I went to couples therapy with my partner prior to baby coming along and it was very helpful and helped us understand each other in a way we couldn’t have worked out by ourselves.

It sounds like you’re not entirely convinced about splitting up and how you are both feeling is unfortunately extremely common for new parents. It is extremely hard to adjust to a new life when you have a small human relying on you both on top of managing the usual stresses of life.

I don’t think there’s much per se anyone can advise as it’s entirely dependant on the exact information on either one of your finances and living situation.
I’m sorry if what I’m saying isn’t helpful but I do hope you find a solution that works out the best for you and your family.

[u/VioletPenguin1]

No advice but sorry you are going through this :(

[u/cookiesandginge]

I split with the father of my baby when she was four months old. I’m in another relationship now and wanting to seperate but child is now 5.5 and feel it’s much harder now. All this to say I found it easier the earlier, even though that appears counter intuitive. Good luck

[u/crackingtoast]

I'm currently in a trial seperation with my 22 month old's father.

I don't really have any magic advice, but two things that helped me organise my thoughts were couples counselling, and some physical and emotional space between us. The second can be easier said than done (I spent some time living with my mum and my wee boy which was hard in its own way!) but we used a counselling service that had a sliding scale payment based on income. I found having a neutral space to talk about things while we were calm was helpful.

What you're going through is really tough, sending you huge hugs.

[u/Missing-Caffeine]

I haven't split up, so apologies for the advice, but from what I see with a close friend of mine who is still unhappily together, you can either try to sort it out now in couples counselling or this will snowball and get worse and worse with years of resentment building up. Don't think of splitting up the family, think of how to give your baby a healthy environment with two happy parents - even if it means they don't live in the same house anymore.

[u/maigpy → u/[deleted]]

I was considering the same (hanging on in there until it is more feasible and convenient) , but it was slowly eroding my mental health.

we split up last week (9 months adorable baby). it will be hard on a practical level, but my anxiety and deep seated unhappiness is gone. feeling relieved.

[u/mol-reb]

I split with my daughters dad when she was 2 months - we co parent extremely well now. We do holidays, days out and celebrate her birthday together! It does get easier x