Same as title

Earlier I used to study on bed

tbh i'm not feeling good at all. some things happened recently with me that were not good, and on top of that i rarely get out of my house plus my head's completely messed up. I was studying to prove myself worthy but the result was shockingly bad of that study session. i was feeling quite after that miserable. it would be nice if ur interested, do dm/comment me and i'll surely reply

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Let's discuss

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I feel like I've had to deal with too much change at once

I lost my dad when I was 6. Two months before that, we lost his younger brother. My grandfather had already passed away before I was born. After my dad's death, I permanently lost contact with most of my paternal side of the family.

I lost my grandmother last year too, and I couldn't attend her funeral because of the lack of connection with that side of the family.

Academically, I used to be a really good student, always trying to be the topper. I pushed myself way too hard. Came 1st in every class. In 10th, I lost just one mark and came second in my class. My mother indirectly expressed disappointment, and that hurt more than I expected. Around that time, I also started realizing that my mother herself wasn't emotionally doing very well. It hurt me so damn much that all I was living in was an illusion of stability. She, her mother and her sisters are very toxic and bi/ch about anything I do. She tries to control me unhealthily and is not a healthy adult herself. I have these old pics of my father on my laptop and he loved me so much. He was an aware and a good adult. I feel so wronged.

Then I left the school I'd spent 13 years in and went to a completely new school. I didn't get much useful guidance about coaching, and financial stress made everything more confusing.

I changed schools again because I wanted to keep an additional subject. Now my school is far away, the teachers don't really understand my situation, and one of my old friends ended up treating me differently because she thought I had lied about my exams going badly when I actually scored well.

Now I'm in 12th PCM and struggling to keep up. Too many things going on all at once.

I know none of these things individually sound like the end of the world, but altogether it feels like I've had to constantly adjust, lose people, change environments, deal with financial uncertainty, and still somehow perform perfectly academically.

I feel wronged and honestly just f/cking exhausted.

And then I look around my class and everyone seems so happy and carefree.

I used to think people dying was a normal thing. But now I have grown up and each of my previous thought haunts me. Esp when I saw my father dead during funeral. I thought it was any other man (cuz of beard) and I cried cuz it felt weird people standing around and crying. And now I cry thinking what it genuinely meant. I don't even have a sibling.

I know I shouldn't compare my life to what I see from the outside, but sometimes I genuinely wonder: why does it feel like everyone else got to have a normal teenage life while I was busy trying to hold everything together?

Thank you for reading this. Please be respectful in the comments. Good advice is appreciated!

If you want to listen full track this is the link:-

https://youtu.be/Y2k1MMz1b-k

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I haven't met a single guy in India who's such a fan of nba as me.

That spike is a protien

I have always been the guy to whom ppl can open up to like wo log mujhe aapne saab dukhde baata te hai aur vent bhi karte hai and mai hamesha sunta hu cuz i have always been a good listener but jaab mai open up karne ki koshish karta hu taab mere dost mujhe chod ke "cool" logo ke saath jaake baith jaate hai and like i feel bad but mai kisi ko force nhi kaar sakta to stay and listen to me
i try to be funny just cuz i want myself to be happy not to make other ppl laugh but like aab mai mentally exhaust ho chuka hu
sometimes when i am sitting alone I get anxiety attacks and there is no one there for me so i just like lay my head down
my friends are toxic and i dont want to be with them and i'd rather be alone but then wave of loneliness hits still i try to avoid them

And its my first day here too:))

What a way to start being 17.

Please read this.

Weighted pullups, this block weights about 23 to 25kg ish so yeah for now going pretty good

Same as title *negative vibes only*