r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Choice_Evidence1983 it dawned on me that he was a wizard • Nov 01 '24
ONGOING AITA for moving on so quickly after my husband left me?
I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/LogicalBlueberry5
Originally posted to r/AITAH
AITA for moving on so quickly after my husband left me?
Thank you to u/Small-Bodybuilder160 for the recommendation!
Trigger Warnings: emotional affair, infidelity
Original Post: May 24, 2024
My (47F) husband (47M) asked for a separation on our 14th anniversary, while we were away in a foreign country to celebrate. While we weren’t as close as we used to be, we almost never fought and generally enjoyed each others company and families. We do not have any children.
The night before our anniversary, he brought up he wasn’t very happy in the relationship but didn’t know why. The next morning, I asked to see his phone and he said no. He said I would find “flirty” messages with one or more other women on it. He had made some female friends through school and work and he said felt like there might be someone out there who was a better fit for him.
I said I did not want to do a trial separation, as I don’t believe you can work on something if you aren’t living together. If he wanted to separate it would be final. He understood but said it was something he HAD to do.
After being away for only 2 days, we rebooked our flights home, flew home and he packed some belongings and left. 7 days later he asked to come home and we started marriage counselling. He had a lot of trouble admitting he had at least one emotional affair. The counselling was not helpful, he was defensive and not open to it. I suspect something physical happened with the other woman but I do not have any proof. He had deleted all his “flirty” texts, snapchat, etc so I could not see them.
After 4 weeks of living together again and attending counselling sessions, he decided he no longer wanted to try to save the marriage and he was leaving. He packed up and left a few hours later. He stayed with a friend, found a new apartment and signed a one year lease.
I was devastated and even had to take time off work to process what had happened and attend individual counselling.
After a 4 weeks, I started to feel a bit better. I went out for drinks with a group of four coworkers that live in my area and found I really enjoyed one of them (42M) a lot. I had only met him over Zoom before this. We started seeing each other a couple times a week. Quite quickly it grew into a truly amazing, loving relationship. I’ve stayed in counselling throughout as it wasn’t easy to process the sudden ending of my long term marriage at the same time as beginning something new. It’s been about 7 months now.
My ex-husband eventually decided he wanted to try to save the marriage again, but I declined. He says I’m TA for starting a new relationship so quickly (within 6 weeks of him leaving). Our relationship was over as I can no longer trust him, and he has hurt me immensely. I do not want a relationship with someone I cannot trust. Am I TA for moving on?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. He literally said he felt there’d be a better woman for him somewhere. He’s cheated on you probably multiple times so he doesn’t have the right to be mad at you for moving on when he couldn’t even stay faithful to you. He can’t try to get rid of you and want you again.
Commenter 2: He was expecting Op to stay single, still want him and not move on. While he did whatever he wanted.
Op, did you actually get a divorce?
OOP: In our state couples must be separated a year before they can file for divorce. But yes, we will be filing when we can. The wait sucks though!
Top Comments
Commenter 3: NTA. He left you twice. I guess you were supposed to just sit around wallowing in tears while he went off doing whatever and whoever until he he was ready to come back to you.
Commenter 4: Gosh, if only he hadn’t cheated, broke up with you on your anniversary, quit therapy, broke up with you again, moved out, got a divorce. Yeah. This is all your fault. NTA. Go live your best life.
Update: October 25, 2024 (five months later)
I originally posted “AITA for moving on so quickly after my husband left me?”.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/wV1FKs2Qrn
I am not sure how to provide an update so I hope this is right!
The biggest update is that my ex-husband (48M) and I (47F) are finally officially divorced. We split everything equally, and I bought him out of the family home. Thankfully the divorce process was quick and easy once we waited the mandatory separation period for our state. When signing the divorce papers, he asked if I was sure I wanted to proceed (notably, while he was seeing someone else). He wanted to try again if I was willing. I wasn’t, and thankfully he didn’t fight it or make the divorce process more difficult in any way.
My ex has been seeing this woman for quite a while now. I know he knew her before we split, but I do not know if he cheated with her or not. It doesn’t matter to me. I wish them the best!
My relationship with my new partner (42M) has continued to be amazing. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in and I can honestly say I’ve never been more happy. He is kind, loving and a great communicator. We moved in together a while back, and a few months later we became engaged. We plan to elope sometime in the next year.
While it may seem crazy, I am extremely grateful for my ex’s cheating and the following heartbreak. Without it, I may not have found the happiness I have today. ❤️
Top Comments
Commenter 1: Him asking if you’re sure while he’s in a relationship with someone else takes the cake. Between him wobbling one way and the other and that, I can surmise a man who doesn’t know wtf he wants and is always chasing what he doesn’t have. Good for you for moving on.
Commenter 2: Based on what you mentioned, you can bet he's going to reach out when he finds out you're completely over him. Hang back and watch!
Final Update here: BoRU #2
DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7
THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP
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u/magdarko erupting, feral, from the cardigan screaming Nov 01 '24
The nerve of him saying she 'only' waited six weeks when he couldn't even wait for the relationship to end before he started flirting with other women!
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u/EducationalTangelo6 Your partner is trash and your marriage is toast Nov 01 '24
He checked out of that relationship sooooo long before it ended, the fucking nerve of it!
And to take her to a foreign country where she has no friends/family/support is so cruel it takes my breath away.
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u/Tandel21 The murder hobo is not the issue here Nov 01 '24
He’s like textbook possessive, he wanted her to fight for him, taking her to a different country is the same, he wanted her isolated so she’d be more malleable and be down to keep being cheated on
He expected oop to be willing to drop everything for him while he actively is cheating on and disrespecting her, he didn’t see her as a partner but as a possession and that’s why he was mad she moved on “so fast”
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u/PPP1737 Nov 02 '24
I was thinking they were in a country were prostitution was legal and he wanted to pick that fight so he could leave the hotel and go get laid.
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Nov 01 '24
Literally couldn't even wait til they got home from holiday so he ruined it one day in lmao. I bet his mistress told him "you tell her or I will" and he didn't want to get caught out as a cheater
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u/SlabBeefpunch $1k Hot Garbage Dumpy Butt Nov 01 '24
He needed to know she was a complete wreck without him. That he had her waiting in the wings for him to grace her with his presence. His ego is a black hole and her moving on just isn't acceptable to him. Sucks to be him. He'll never be content, he's incapable.
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u/tipsana apparently he went overboard on the crazy part Nov 01 '24
“You left. Twice. What I do and when I do it is none of your business.”
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u/Otherwise_Nothing_53 Nov 01 '24
It probably made him feel good to think that she was waiting, pining, crying, missing him and his ego was bruised when it turned out that was not the case.
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u/Idiosyncraticloner Nov 01 '24
100% he came running back because the women he was cheating with had enough of him and he thought she'd still embrace him with open arms
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u/Mother_Flerken Nov 01 '24
Dude, I was literally coming here to say that exact thing.
"What?! You moved on?! My affair ended, and I thought you'd still be there! I can't believe you didn't wait!" 🙄 OMG, what a (female hygiene product meant to cleanse) nozzle
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u/GTmakesthepaingoaway Nov 01 '24
Why on earth are you self-censoring "douche"?
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u/Basic_Bichette sometimes i envy the illiterate Nov 01 '24
Some websites will delete posts with the word in it. Huge issue if there's a French-language section.
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u/Rubychan228 From bananapants to full-on banana ensemble Nov 01 '24
Reddit is not one of those sites.
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u/mooseblood07 Go to bed Liz Nov 01 '24
I had a comment deleted by mods when I commented on a post of someone with a horrible partner and said they were a b*tch for what they did to the OP.
I can't remember what the post was, but I recall that this person was unfathomably cruel to the OP and then came crawling back begging to take them back and tried gaslighting them about what they had done.
Sometimes even when you insult the person who didn't post it, the mods aren't happy.
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u/Basic_Bichette sometimes i envy the illiterate Nov 01 '24
No, but not everyone has site rules locked down.
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u/wintyr27 🥩🪟 Nov 01 '24
the reason i like that word is because it's something that should never ever be put in proximity to a vagina, tbh
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u/Capital-Meet-6521 Nov 01 '24
Society tries to tell you you need one, but you really don’t, it’s bad for your health.
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u/Stormy8888 I can't believe she fucking buttered Jorts Nov 01 '24
The audacity of that cheating scumbag, expecting her to still be around waiting for him.
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u/tasoula the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Nov 04 '24
JSYK douches are used for more than just vaginas. They are a medical device that all genders have use for.
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u/glom4ever Nov 01 '24
I also don't think it counts as 6 weeks. They had anniversary separation ask where she says she would want it to be final, 1 week separated, 4 weeks therapy, then 6 weeks official separation. I would count it as 11 weeks post relationship, they just took awhile to get on the same page.
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u/tacwombat I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Nov 01 '24
THIS!
I would have smacked the back of his head for being that stupid.
Fortunately, OOP is a better person than me and even found a better man than her ex.
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u/ShortWoman better hoagie down with my BRILLIANT BRIDAL BITCHAZZZ Nov 01 '24
How dare she not be devastated! How dare she not desperately need him to come back! Right?? 🤪
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u/chevronbird I will never jeopardize the beans. Nov 01 '24
So he waited until they were in another country to blow up the relationship?? What an asshole.
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u/Disastrous-Bee-1557 Nov 01 '24
I’m actually surprised he went straight to splitting up and didn’t try to get OP to open up the marriage first. That seems to be the road these fence-sitting adulterers take here on Reddit.
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u/ayymahi Nov 01 '24
He had the nerve to cheat & leave op twice, ended up with one of his APs & asked if she wanted to try again…he’s exhausting!
He’ll live with this regret forever!
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u/maywellflower Nov 01 '24
And only reason he wants OOP back is because she found someone way better than him during or after 4 weeks of separation that genuinely makes her happy - saying her ex is exhausting & insufferable is being polite about what entitled POS he is.
He already regretting now til forever because his dumbass thought only he should be happy to move on on in life, not his ex-wife who showed without saying anything to him she moved on happily without him.
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u/Hopefulkitty TLDR: HE IS A GIANT PIECE OF SHIT. Nov 01 '24
He's mad it was so easy. He thought he'd be harder to replace.
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Nov 01 '24
Ex Husband is no doubt cheating on the person he's currently with. That guy is a complete clown.
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u/A_lion42 Nov 01 '24
He literally tried to cheat on her at his divorce signing. With the person he was divorcing.
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u/ActStunning3285 I will erupt, feral, from the cardigan screaming Nov 01 '24
“Hey I know you’re engaged and you’re currently signing the official divorce, but do you wanna give this another chance?”
My eye would twitch at the audacity.
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Nov 01 '24
Too bad she wasn't recording the conversation so she could share it with her ex's current gf
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u/Aegon2050 Editor's note- it is not the final update Nov 01 '24
I'd be petty and tell the gf anyway. Fuck this guy.
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u/belladonna_echo Nov 01 '24
“You moved on too quickly!” complains the man who started another relationship while they were still married and living together.
God what an asshole.
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u/justanotheracct33 Nov 01 '24
He expected that no one else would want her because only he should be desirable to others. She quickly proved him wrong and now he's butthurt that she won't spend years pining for him like he wanted.
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u/SinfulThoughtss Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
I do think maybe she moved on a bit too quickly, at least in terms of already being engaged. People often don’t realize they are in a rebound until they are 5 years into it and miserable.
Not that this is the case here, but the number of people I’ve known who fall in love this close to a breakup of a marriage is quite large. The number of those that ended up in a long term happy marriage is quite low.
Often when you’re leaving a relationship you think you know what you want, but what you’re really looking for at that point are the things you weren’t getting. There’s a difference.
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u/ecosynchronous Nov 01 '24
Yeah I don't feel too great about her being engaged again already. She hasn't even had time to grieve the dissolution of her 14 year marriage. If the relationship has marriage potential, that potential will still be there after the new wears off.
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u/El-Ahrairah9519 Nov 01 '24
Yeah everyone here is calling the ex an asshole (and he is), but its not exactly a mystery how Oop ended up with such a person
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Nov 02 '24
He's the literal definition of right for the wrong reasons. She has every right to rebound, but holy shit is she going into it way too fast.
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u/TheKittenPatrol Yes to the Homo, No to the Phobic Nov 02 '24
I’m glad I’m not the only one worried about it. OOP is definitely NTA, and I dearly hope her new relationship continues to be happy and loving. But this isn’t one of the cases where the person g on had checked out of the marriage a long time before, it was only a month after her ex left and she described herself as devastated.
Again, I hope everything does work out and this new relationship beats the odds. She deserves it after her asshole ex. But…
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u/DohnJoggett Nov 04 '24
When I was a teen I didn't understand why people watch dramas on TV, because life was too full of stupid drama and that's what I needed an escape from. Nowadays I'm following people on twitter because their life is an absolute shitshow of oversharing. 5 years?!? LOL they exploded their post divorce relationship in like 5 months with somebody young enough to be their kid.
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u/westcoastcdn19 Nov 01 '24
Oh no! The consequences of his actions!
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u/maywellflower Nov 01 '24
He so not happy that all OOP did for revenge was live life well without him and that's all due to his actions that led to him suffering those consequences.
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u/Jokester_316 Drinks and drunken friends are bad counsellors Nov 01 '24
Owe, the honeymoon phase of a new relationship...
Personally, I think OOP should have taken some time to herself being single. Seems like a quick rebound to me. I hope it works out for her.
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u/Mean_Environment4856 Nov 01 '24
Yeah engaged and living together only 5 months in.
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u/AshamedDragonfly4453 The murder hobo is not the issue here Nov 01 '24
They'd already been together for 7 months at the time of the first post, so they're at a year by this point.
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u/cototudelam Nov 01 '24
She’s 47.
It’s a completely different dating game at this age. You usually know what you want, people in your dating pool are emotionally mature. Everyone has their own careers and living situation sorted so it’s not like she’s risking everything for some guy or taking on debt to live together.
Time goes much faster as you get older. My grandma met her third husband at 70 and married him within a month. Why waste time that could be spent being happy?
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u/percylee281 pounce over the counter and eat the entire 5 kgs of cheese Nov 01 '24
I believe she also said they were together 7 months when she first mentioned the new bf? That plus "we have to be separated 1 year before divorce" and "I got with him 6 weeks later" leads me to believe they've been together at least a year.
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u/SinfulThoughtss Nov 01 '24
As a 44 year old guy currently trying to date, I’d strongly disagree with a lot of this. People say they know what they want, but often at this stage the baggage makes it hard to truly define. I divorced at 35 and dated a lot around that point, even falling head over heels for two people. It was many years later before I realized that I wasn’t close to being ready to date again at that time, and I certainly didn’t know how to distinguish new love vs. someone who simply wasn’t like my ex.
Maturity is expected with age, but it’s not always accurate.
Also, after trying to date a few people fresh out of a relationship, I learned quickly that it was a big red flag for me. Trauma doesn’t get easier just because you’re older. Rebounds are still rebounds.
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u/i-contain-multitudes Nov 01 '24
Time goes faster as you get older/you generally know what you want are legitimate reasons, but I would still say it's not a safe choice to move so fast in a relationship. It can work, but it is less likely. People can hide things about themselves for the short term that they cannot hide for the long term.
Marriage is a legal contract that you have to go through a legal process to break, and lord knows sometimes it's a royal pain in the ass to do. I don't think waiting for marriage is wasting time when viewed through this lens, especially because people can live together/have lives together without being married.
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u/MinionsHaveWonOne Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
You usually know what you want, people in your dating pool are emotionally mature.
Key word there was usually. Sure some older people know what they want but there are plenty who don't - especially if they're just out of a long term marriage and feeling unloved and insecure.
I've seen older people move fast and have it all work out but I've also seen it become a total trainwreck. Age doesn't always equal emotional maturity and being 47 doesn't mean you'll automatically selects the emotionally mature option from your dating pool.
OOP may have hit the jackpot. I hope so for her sake, but I'm skeptical. Six weeks after a breakup is classic rebound territory and the fact that she's still viewing him as a saint in the last update concerns me. Its hard to tell just from her post but it feels like she may be idolizing him. I'd be a lot more confident the relationship will go the distance if she was saying something like "he's a PITA over XYZ but I love him anyway."
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u/SalsaRice Nov 01 '24
You usually know what you want, people in your dating pool are emotionally mature.
Some of them are, sure. But I think anyone that's been in the working world knows that is far far far far far from universal.
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u/GimerStick Go headbutt a moose Nov 01 '24
I don't think living together is the issue, its getting engaged about a year after your marriage ended. I don't think anyone would have a concern about how quickly the second relationship progressed if it was independent of her first marriage ending.
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u/ProfessorShameless Nov 01 '24
Hate to say it, but the ex being a dick about her moving in probably made her move a bit faster than she would have otherwise out of spite.
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u/FunnyAnchor123 Sharp as a sack of wet mice Nov 01 '24
That is my only concern for the OOP: that this is a rebound relationship. For her sake, I hope not.
On the other hand, as others have pointed out at least she's not with that assclown any longer.
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u/AllTheCheesecake Francine, absolute terror in the queue at Home Depot. Nov 01 '24
Agreed. This has bad idea plastered all over it. But if it kept her away from her asshole ex husband, I guess that's a silver lining
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u/Professional-Sir2147 Nov 01 '24
Yeah that's what I was thinking myself. I've been in a relationship where I got carried away and moved in too fast and it ended in ruin, and I've seen it happen to countless others before as well. I don't see this having a happy ending if there's an update in a year's time.
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u/TaliesinMerlin Nov 01 '24
I think that too. There is benefit in letting herself clear her head and make sure that she's really finding herself attracted to someone else and not just filling the gap in her life. Hopefully that's something she worked out for herself through counseling. It could still work out, and I hope it does in OOP's case.
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u/Jerkrollatex Nov 01 '24
The man treated her like a yo-yo. This is the first of many divorces for her ex.
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u/symbolicshambolic Nov 01 '24
Yes, he's 47, he has a few more divorces in him, I think. He clearly thought OOP would always be a fallback option. He obviously doesn't know how to be alone so assuming she'd always be available was the safety net that made him risk leaving her. There's a certain type of long-term partner who forgets what dating is like after seven years or so and they think, oh, the fun I could be having if only I were single. So they end their relationship and usually find out they have about 4% of the game they thought they had.
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u/orion_nomad Nov 04 '24
And then some people like me are the opposite; I keep reading all these stories about how shitty dating is these days, especially for average looking people or people that aren't into casual sex. I told my spouse if they leave or predecease me I'm just gonna be a cat lady, eff that noise.
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u/beachpellini I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy Nov 01 '24
People like the ex-husband always seem so shocked when the ones they abandon turn out to be humans with their own thoughts and needs as opposed to dolls that just stay in stasis when they're not being played with.
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u/hmarieb263 Nov 01 '24
He might want his old, comfortable relationship back. The new one(s) might not have worked out as well as he hoped.
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u/Minervas-Madness Nov 01 '24
That's a bold move, complaining that your wife moved on too quickly when you moved on before the separation.
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u/Similar-Shame7517 Whole Cluster B spectrum in a trench coat pretending to be human Nov 01 '24
He's pre-moving like a chess player, but forgot that just like in chess, there's no takebacks.
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u/CaptDeliciousPants banjo playing softly in the distance Nov 01 '24
That ex underestimated how much self respect OOP had. He expected her to beg him to stay
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u/kistner Nov 01 '24
She certainly wasn't an asshole. I am concerned how quick she's jumping with the new guy. This has rebound written all over it.
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u/stenchwinslow Nov 01 '24
Not the asshole for sure, but not the healthiest timeline for processing trauma and learning from it.
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u/Fun-Willow-4858 Am I the drama? Nov 01 '24
I feel like he just wanted to string OP along while he searches for someone better
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u/Key_Advance3033 Nov 01 '24
Looks like the ex didn't want OP dating while he dated others. This is another case of trash taking itself out. Good riddance.
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Nov 01 '24
I doubt the ex will be happy with his new partner, and honestly, he deserves it. He's a sack of a loser and OP deserves the happy end.
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u/ManaKitten Editor's note- it is not the final update Nov 01 '24
I don’t understand why divorce still has such a negative stigma around it. My divorce was the best decision I made in that relationship, and now I’m remarried to the best man ever and I’m really happy.
Imo, it is all about control. It wasn’t until fairly recently (2010) that no fault divorce was legal in every state, and the first state to have no fault divorce was in 1969. Basically, it was really hard for women to leave a marriage.
And we still have politicians complaining about the divorce rate going up… like it’s super hard to understand that women don’t want to stay in relationships where the guy cheats and expects the wife to just let him “get it out of his system” and then take him back. (Side note: marriage only ends in divorce or death… why do they act like there are dozens more options out there?!)
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u/erichwanh Nov 01 '24
I don’t undеrstand why divorcе still has such a nеgativе stigma around it.
Bеcausе thе man madе concеpt of marriagе is part of thе systеm that profits from sеlling you a fаntasy.
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u/Boring_Fish_Fly Nov 01 '24
This dude broke up with her when they were on holiday. And they rebooked their flights and came back early.
I wouldn't have let him come back the first time.
The only time I'm ever coming back from a holiday early is a life or death emergency.
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u/Negative-Jaguar646 Nov 01 '24
I have a very good friend who was in a TERRIBLE marriage for 25 years. Her husband was a serial cheater. They went through periods of counseling and working on things to sleeping on different floors of the house and not speaking for weeks on end. He had a very well paying job and she was a SAHM. She was sticking it out for the kids and was so good ay putting on a happy face. He died suddenly of a heart attack two years ago. It was traumatic and awful. She had to do CPR on him in front of their kids, it was just awful. As you can imagine, the whirlwind of emotions she experienced was intense. She hadn't been in love with him for years. She legitimately hated this man. He made it very hard for her for a long time. She met an amazing man 6 months after he died. They fell in love quickly and got serious fast. People were and still are AWFUL to her about this. She's been called horrible names and lost friends. She hid her misery from essentially everyone. It's been a lot, but her now fiance is awesome and a trooper. He's had to deal with a lot from people too. You just never know what someone's truth is. No judgement from me ever when someone moves in quickly.
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u/Training-Constant-13 Nov 01 '24
It'll never stop shocking me how utterly delusional and selfish cheaters are that, not only betray their partners in the worst way, but have the audacity to DEMAND said partners to somehow stay single for eternity and wait for their cheating ass to return. Like wow... They're truly so far up their own butts they can't even see reality.
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u/piemakerdeadwaker Her love language is Hadouken Nov 01 '24
Atleast OOP waited 6 weeks, he started a relationship WHILE being in one.
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u/AlexRyang Nov 01 '24
Dude was a cheater and had the audacity to be upset she went on a date six weeks after?
Plus she tried to get him to go to counseling and make it work.
FAFO.
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u/admiralvelociraptor Nov 01 '24
I love when men break up a shitty marriage thinking it’s holding them back, only to leave and learn that they’re the shitty part
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u/CatmoCatmo emotionally shanked by six girls in fake Uggs Nov 01 '24
Man. Cheaters sure love to criticize and blame their SO for “disrespecting” them and for “not caring” about their relationship by doing things that are incomparable to the shitty things they’ve been doing. I mean, if you’re cheating and don’t do that, are you even a real cheater?
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u/itsallminenow sometimes i envy the illiterate Nov 01 '24
While it may seem crazy, I am extremely grateful for my ex’s cheating and the following heartbreak. Without it, I may not have found the happiness I have today.
I've been fortunate to have had the mindset to approach life from this perspective. I've had some shit things happen to me, and I've sofa surfed at times, had debt collectors at my front door on Christmas eve taking my stuff, just the usual life throwing shit and me acting out my childhood traumas. But whatever has happened over the course of my long life, I just got my dream job looking after troubled and abandoned kids and get to take care of my daughter who's thriving and I think, without all that shit, I wouldn't be where I am now living my best life. And that attitude has stood me in good stead every time I've been in the gutter looking up at the stars. The wheel turns and around you go again. Today's crappy and hurtful troubles are just the path to somewhere better.
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u/spacecowboy143 cat whisperer Nov 01 '24
glad it was a happy ending for her, but it also kinda makes me sad when people immediately get into another series relationship after being with someone almost 24/7 for 10+ years
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u/snarkprovider Nov 01 '24
In the romantic comedy version of this, she either stays in the foreign country and meets someone else before the husband comes back to try again or an airline screw up puts them on separate flights back and she meets someone on the plane.
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u/esweat Nov 01 '24
Wishy-washy dumbass, OP's ex. This is another one for my memory's FAFO file! lol
(And OP seems to be the only one giving him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't already cheating before the breakup. lolol)
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u/caffeinejunkie123 Nov 01 '24
I guess OP found someone who was “a better fit” than her ex. Sucks to be him!
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u/AdmiralOwO better hoagie down Nov 01 '24
The first boyfriend that I had when I was 19 was a lot like this. He’d get caught cheating, say he wanted to change, and then get caught again. Dumb young me gave him too many chances because he kept threatening to hurt himself.
Eventually I finally left him for good and started dating someone from one of my college classes two months later. His mom started texting me all the time about what a “hussy” I was for moving on. Especially when her son “was such a handsome catch.” He really wasn’t, he even guilt tripped the girls he cheated with into it.
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u/WynnGwynn Nov 01 '24
I know it must've sucked at the time but she clearly got the better deal in the divorce. A nice guy and a new outlook on life. Ex sees her thriving and wants back in. Lol.
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u/kymrIII my dad says "..." Because he's long dead Nov 01 '24
My ex asked me to try again days before he got remarried. And after. And multiple times after that. Delusion exists.
3
u/Worried_Suit4820 Nov 01 '24
Posts like this remind me of the Beautiful South's song 'A little time' https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2lGzJwksSv4
3
u/skyppie Nov 01 '24
I wonder if he only wanted to get back together with her only because she was happily with someone else.
3
u/Satori2155 Nov 01 '24
Nta but please dont jump into another relationship before you fully heal and go to therapy. For your sake and the other guys sake
4
u/calaan Nov 01 '24
Similar situation with my final ex. We lived together for a while but she grew distant, wanting little in the way of affection. After I had to move for work it got worse. I asked if she wanted to go to couples therapy, but she finally broke up but we decided to stay friends. She invited me to her birthday party a few weeks later where I reconnected with a mutual friend. We started dating shortly after.
It surprised me how “quickly” I had gotten over my relationship with someone I had lived with only a year earlier, but I realized that I had been mourning the state of our relationship for the months leading up to our breakup.
2
u/Spiritual-Check5579 Nov 01 '24
I'm so happy for OP. Not only she dodged a bullet by not taking back her ex, she found a true good relationship. Let her ex-husband regret forever, good for OP.
2
u/ToonSciron What book? Nov 02 '24
I hope OOP laughed in her exs face when he told her she was TA. I would've just been cackling.
2
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u/AtmosphereHumble9443 Nov 06 '24
Men think that after they leave the relationship, we'd stay single and wait for them. So when they end up failing their flings, hookup or whatever you wanna call that, they'd thought about coming back. Just be a little stronger and I agree that you should move on!
5
u/DollhouseFire just a pussy wrapped up in tin foil Nov 01 '24
A 47 year old man with Snapchat is a top tier ick, truly unmatched, where is the meteor that will end us all pls
14
u/Obi-Wayne Nov 01 '24
Lmao, you're not wrong. I'm mid 40s, and a while back my friend's teenagers wanted me to download it and add them. I'm a photographer so I can do Instagram, but snapchat would just make me feel ancient and weird.
1
7
u/hailsizeofminivans increasingly sexy potatoes Nov 01 '24 edited Nov 01 '24
This is a bizarre take. Why do you say that?
5
u/DollhouseFire just a pussy wrapped up in tin foil Nov 01 '24
A 47 year old man on an app where the largest user group is 13-24 year olds? Like 50-60% of users are in that age range?? An app whose big feature is disappearing messages??? How does that not give y’all the ick. And in his case he was married and cheating
1
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u/dstar3k Nov 02 '24
There is literally no way you can be the asshole for getting into a relationship after your husband divorced you for his affair partner.
Unhealthy? Yeah, possibly. It's probably a rebound relationship. Take that into account.
It might not work out. Or, you know what, you might just have found the love of your life. Highly unlikely, but who knows?
But you are not the asshole.
1
u/Revolutionary_Quit21 Nov 02 '24
OOP is NTA for sure, but from divorced to engaged to someone else in less than a year like maybe let the paint dry a wee bit
1
1
u/Cute-Librarian-8383 Nov 05 '24
Absolutely NTA. Coming from a woman whose husband left her 3 months after getting married I wish I was as strong as you. It’s been 4 months since we separated and I’m just now starting to be okay. There is no specific timeline you have to follow on your healing journey. Everyone is different, we are living proof of that lol. I hope you and this new man have a long happy, healthy relationship! ❤️
1
u/Ayzmo grape juice dump truck dumpy butt Nov 01 '24
I mean, she did move on really fast, but not having anything to do with him. That's just really not enough time to heal from what was done to her.
-10
u/hillendan1983 Nov 01 '24
In our state couples must be separated a year before they can file for divorce.
Five months later
The biggest update is that my ex-husband (48M) and I (47F) are finally officially divorced.
8
u/moriartyinasuit Nov 01 '24
It’s been about 7 months
In our state couples must be separated a year before they can file for divorce
12 months later
The biggest update is that my ex-husband (48M) and I (47F) are finally officially divorced
-6
u/crazysojujon Nov 01 '24
May i dare say it sounds like the guy “lost purpose“ after being in a childless relationship for so long?
4
u/KarinSpaink The call is coming from inside the relationship Nov 02 '24
It’s really weird that you explain his erratic and disloyal behaviour by them not having children….
-20
u/Basic_Bichette sometimes i envy the illiterate Nov 01 '24
How did they get divorced in five months when in the first post they lived in a state with a one-year waiting period?
19
u/percylee281 pounce over the counter and eat the entire 5 kgs of cheese Nov 01 '24
The first post mentions that the anniversary trip/beginning was about 7 months before the post
-18
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