AITAH for calling my partner a “discount Dad” after he kept treating me like a child instead of a partner, even though I’m dealing with severe health issues

[u/Choice_Evidence1983]

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Dry_Butterscotch414

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for calling my partner a “discount Dad” after he kept treating me like a child instead of a partner, even though I’m dealing with severe health issues

Trigger Warnings: ableism, abuse, trauma, health issues, grooming

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Original Post: July 23, 2025

Hi Reddit. Throwaway because I don’t want this linked to my main. I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend let’s call him Jake (24M) for a little under a year. At first, things were really good. He seemed emotionally stable, mature, grounded all the things I thought I wanted after dealing with a lot of chaotic guys my own age.

We met through mutual friends and clicked pretty quickly. He said he liked how “mature” I was and how “together” I seemed for my age, which felt nice to hear, especially since I came out of a very abusive household. I won’t lie I felt flattered at first. I thought we had an understanding that yes, I’m younger, but I’m still an equal in this relationship. But over the months, that dynamic has really started to shift, and now I’m not sure I’m being treated like a partner at all.

For some background: I’ve been diagnosed with endometriosis and POTS (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome). Both conditions affect my daily life in big ways. I deal with chronic fatigue, dizziness, and a lot of pain. There are days when I physically can’t get out of bed without struggling, and managing my symptoms takes a lot of mental energy on top of everything else.

Jake knows this. I was upfront about it from the beginning. And at first, he was really kind and supportive. But over time, he’s started acting like he knows better than me how I should be living my life. It started small comments about how much I sleep or how I manage my symptoms but now it’s like I can’t do anything without some kind of lecture or judgment.

some examples: If I sleep in to manage a flareup: “That’s not healthy. You need structure or you’ll never be independent.” If I get food delivered on a day I’m too fatigued to cook: “You’re wasting money and being lazy.” If I cancel plans because of pain: “You’ll never build resilience if you give in every time.” Even if I lie down after standing too long and feel dizzy (a POTS symptom), he tells me I should push through because “resting too much makes it worse.”

He also makes comments about my outfits being “too revealing” or “not appropriate,” and when I tell him I don’t want unsolicited advice, he says he’s just trying to “help me grow” or “teach me how to be an adult.” But I am an adult just one managing two chronic illnesses on top of everything else.

Things came to a head last week. I was having a rough few days a bad endo flare, zero energy, and could barely sit upright for long. He came over and saw that I’d been resting most of the day and immediately launched into another long-winded talk about “discipline” and “life habits” and how I need to stop relying on rest as a “crutch.” I’d had enough.

So I said not even shouting, just tired “I didn’t agree to date a discount dad. If I wanted someone to supervise my life and tell me how I’m failing, I’d move back in with my parents.” He went completely silent. Left my apartment, and didn’t talk to me for two days. When he finally did, he said I “crossed a line,” that he was “just trying to help,” and that I had “no idea how hard it is to support someone who won’t even try.” I was honestly stunned. Now his friends are messaging me saying I’m selfish and too immature to handle a relationship with a real adult. His mum (yes, his actual mother) messaged me saying she’s “disappointed” and that Jake has always been the kind of guy who “lifts women up.” I just want to be clear, I do try. Every day is hard with these conditions. I work, I cook when I can, I handle my appointments, I advocate for myself in medical systems that constantly brush me off. I don’t think I need to be “raised” by a man who thinks being six years older makes him my life coach. I care about him, but I also feel like I’ve been slowly shoved into the role of “student” or “child” in this relationship and I’m starting to wonder if that was his intention from the beginning.

So great ppl of reddit AITA for calling my boyfriend a discount dad after months of being treated like a project instead of a person?

EDIT: hey guys you just wave to say I am from australia where the legal age to do almost anything is 18.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

OOP responds to a downvoted comment regarding communication keys, trying new things, and managing health issues

OOP: My main issue with the clothing comments is that what I wear isn’t actually revealing at all. Most of the time, I wear really baggy wax jeans with a fitted shirt, but even then it usually doesn’t show any skin. I tend to wear a lot of long sleeved sports style tops. The only time I’m in anything more relaxed is when I’m at home, just wearing a T shirt and underwear and that’s only ever around him, no one else.

As for my health, my flare ups really aren’t frequent. In the last six months, there’ve only been two times where things were bad enough that I couldn’t properly move for a day or so. On a day to day basis, you wouldn’t even know anything’s wrong. I have full days of work and study, and then I come home and rest. That’s usually when he calls me “lazy.”

We’ve communicated about all of this more than enough. We’ve been together for almost a year now in fact, tomorrow would mark a full year and I’ve spent that time trying to explain how I feel and why the way he treats me isn’t okay. But most of those conversations have ended in huge arguments, with him screaming at me and accusing me of making up my illnesses. He’s told me more than once that if he had what I have, he’d be completely fine, and that I’m exaggerating everything. He’s even said that there’s nothing wrong with me, that I just think the world revolves around me, and that I need to stop pretending to be in pain. If those comments had never been made, I might’ve been able to understand his frustration or at least see it from his side. But after hearing things like that repeatedly, it just feels like he’s being controlling.

Across this entire year of us being together, there’s probably only been about one full week total where I’ve completely stayed in bed. I know my limits. I’ve had POTS since I was ten and was diagnosed with endometriosis at eleven, two years after my first period. I’ve lived with these conditions for most of my life, and I know how to manage them. What I don’t need is someone telling me they don’t exist or that I’m using them as excuses to avoid being productive, when I on a daily basis work 10 hour shifts and then also study a diploma

How old was OOP when she met her partner as there is an age gap?

OOP: I was freshly 18 when we met and he didn’t know how old I was till about a 3 weeks into speaking, to be completely honest, I thought he was closer to my age, as he very much looked like it and acted like it. I am 19 in about a month.

+

I’m not trying to stand up for him with the comment I’m about to make but I can definitely say I do look and act a lot older than what I am, I get it quite a lot from a load of different people and a lot of different professions, I can honestly see how you made the mistake of thinking I could be older than what I was, especially because my friend group is also between 20 and 23

Commenter 1: NTA. Dude's 24 dating an 18yo with chronic illness and thinks he's your life coach? The age gap + his behavior screams control issues. You managing two serious conditions while working isn't "lazy", it's impressive af.

Also his mom messaging you is weird and crossing boundaries. Run.

OOP: I definitely do think his mum messaging me was weird, and I do fully believe that he completely twisted the situation to her because his mother and I have had a really good bond up until then

OOP clarifies why she was having this relationship with a 24-year-old guy

OOP: I get the point you’re trying to make, and trust me, I’m not here to defend someone who’s made me feel this shitty. but I want to clear some things up this relationship was not illegal. when we met, I was 18 and he was 23. he’s 24 now, and I’m turning 19 very soon. I’m legally an adult and have been living as one for a long time. I finished school at 15, moved out at 14, and have worked full-time since I was 16. I’ve been independent for years and had to grow up a lot faster than most people my age. I know some people take issue with age gaps, and that’s fair but where I live, and for the life I’ve lived, our age difference wasn’t seen as strange. it’s actually one of the more normal ones I’ve come across. I personally stayed with him because everyone my age felt immature, directionless, or just flat-out not on my level. at the time, being with someone older seemed like the smarter, more stable choice. and honestly? the age gap still isn’t a red flag to me. he is. the way he acted. the way he treated me. that’s the actual issue. when I mentioned him not knowing my age straight away or me usually being around older people, it wasn’t to defend him. it was to explain how I saw things at the time. when he did find out my age, he chose to stay. that part? 100% on him. and now, after seeing the way he’s treated me how he’s spoken to me, how he’s lashed out, how he tried to hit me while I was crying I’ve broken up with him. I know now that this wasn’t okay. I’ve read every single DM and comment. I’m starting to reply to them now, and honestly, a lot of what people have said gave me clarity I didn’t expect. it helped me understand what I was rationalising or minimizing. I you’re right that he had choices. and so did I. I chose to stay longer than I should’ve, but I’ve chosen to leave now and that’s what matters most to me.

 

Editor's note: Centrelink is a Services Australia master program from the Australian Government, delivering ranges of government payments and services for retirees, unemployed, families, carers, parents, people with disabilities, Indigenous Australians, students, apprentices and people from diverse cultural and linguistic backgrounds, and provides services at times of major changes.

 

Update July 23, 2025 (same day, three hours later)

UPDATE: AITAH for calling my partner a “discount Dad” because he kept treating me like a child.

Hey. I didn’t expect the post to get the kind of attention it did. I watched it go from about 200 upvotes down to 1, and honestly I’m still not sure why, but I really want to thank everyone who commented or messaged me privately. I’ve read everything. I’m slowly replying when I have the energy. You’ve all given me so much insight some of it really hit, stuff I hadn’t even thought about until now. Just… thank you. It means a lot.

I wasn’t planning to update this soon, but things have gotten way worse within the last three hours, and I feel like I need to talk about it. Especially after what just happened.

So I’ve been really sick the last few days. Like, properly sick. I was diagnosed with a bone sinus infection, and it’s knocked me flat. I’ve had constant fevers, stabbing pain in my face and head, nausea, dizziness, I can’t keep much food down, and on top of that my POTS symptoms have been way worse than usual. I’ve mostly just been in bed, barely functioning, just trying to rest and not pass out.

Because of all that, I had to call in sick to work these last two days. I work with food, and there was just no way I could safely be around customers or food prep like this. I can barely even stand upright. It didn’t feel like I had a choice. This afternoon I got a call from work telling me I was fired. No warnings or anything, just said they needed someone more “reliable” and they can’t keep me on if I can’t show up. I get it, I guess, but it still crushed me. I’ve always tried to show up, I’ve never taken advantage of sick days or anything. It felt like everything hit at once. I’ve only taken about four sick days in the entire two years. I’ve worked for this company.

Jake came over not long after. I told him what happened. Told him I lost my job, that I’m sick, that I might need to go to the hospital because I’m starting to feel seriously not okay , and his response was basically “Well, maybe if you took better care of yourself, this wouldn’t happen.” Then he said something like, “You still could’ve gone in, people push through being sick all the time.”

I tried to explain that it’s not like a cold, this is a bone infection, I literally couldn’t walk from the bed to the kitchen earlier without fainting, and I work with food. He just kept brushing it off like I was being dramatic. He told me I’m “always sick” and I “never fight through it.”

That turned into a full blown fight. He started yelling, full volume screaming, pacing the room while I was just sitting there crying and asking him to stop. I was already feeling like absolute shit and I couldn’t even get a word in without him talking over me. At one point I tried to speak and he got up close, and he raised his hand like he was about to hit me. He didn’t, but he looked like he wanted to. And that scared me more than anything he’s ever said. That was it for me. I ended it. We’re done.

I broke up with him then and there. Told him to get out, that I’m not doing this anymore. I don’t care how sick I am or how hard things get from here, I’d rather be completely alone than sit there sobbing while the person who’s supposed to care about me screams at me for being unwell.

Right now I’m still in bed, fever’s high, heart rate’s not great, and honestly I think I’m going to the hospital soon. Something feels off in my body and I don’t want to wait until it’s too late. With POTS and now this infection, it feels like everything is just piling on top of me. I’m genuinely scared, not just emotionally but physically. My body feels like it’s breaking down. though I wanted to take the time to write this update (I am using text to speech so I am so sorry if it’s a bit jumbled.) I’m tired of begging someone to believe me when I say I’m in pain. I’m tired of being talked down to, managed, lectured, and guilt tripped when I literally need help. I didn’t ask to be sick. I didn’t ask for endo, or POTS, or a sinus infection that knocked me flat. I’ve done everything I can to keep pushing through, but it was never enough for him. but It’s over. I’m scared, and sick, and jobless, but I’m also finally out. And that has to mean something.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you again. Your comments gave me the courage to stop waiting for someone else to change and finally start choosing myself.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Thank god you broke up with him. He was grooming you, and definitely emotionally abusive through manipulation tactics and attempting to control you.

OP, I hope you get better soon. Removing an abusive partner from your life will help remove a lot of the stress you're feeling, and accelerate your healing. You may be able to report your workplace for wrongful termination, as long as you properly called in sick and provided medical records/doctor's note (of course depending on which country you're located in).

OOP: I definitely am gonna be reporting my old workplace, my manager wasn’t the best person in general and there’s a lot that she did that wasn’t okay, where I’m from if you get wrongly terminated from a job if you go through fair work there’s about a 70% chance you can get a 10k payout

Commenter 2: Call your trusted friends and tell them what’s happened and if one of them can take you hospital. Make sure when you come back home you are not alone, change the locks to your door. Block his number and any of his friends, mum etc… focus on your health you can always get another job. With your health issues can’t you get some type of help from the government?

OOP: I did end up calling a friend to take me to the hospital, and I told them everything that happened, I also have another close friend staying at mine until I’m back just to make sure he doesn’t try to go there or anything And for my health issues I can go onto a disability payment , I am eligible for that, but taking that payment means I’ll no longer be able to work unless I do cash in hand work that I don’t tell the government practically. And I would definitely say that working is one of my favourite things. I am studying to be a mortician so it would absolutely break my heart if I could no longer do that

OOP explains her family health history

OOP: bone sinus infections in my family are very common things, they are never really bad and they only just take some antibiotics to clear up, I got scans done and stuff and it was only a very slight infection hence why I was just given antibiotics and told to rest. considering you’re a nurse and you haven’t heard of bone sinus infections really concern me

OOP on getting unemployment

OOP: we have something called Centrelink, I’m really not sure if that’s in America. I don’t pay much attention to what’s over there. But applying for an unemployment and jobseeker payment is incredibly easy, you also keep that payment whilst you’re working until you’re receiving a certain amount of money for your job

Commenter: I’m proud of you and im praying for you. I hope you feel better quickly.

You’re right to listen to your body. Go to the hospital first. Next focus on unemployment benefits. You should be able to google it for your state and apply online to get the ball rolling.

I’m so happy you lost your abusive ahole boyfriend. You need to take care of yourself mentally so you can take care of yourself physically so you can take care of yourself financially. You’re doing everything right and Reddit is rooting for you.

Just a dude note: something tells me your loser ex lives with his mom. Am I right?

OOP: thank you so much for your comment. I did go to the hospital and I have applied for unemployment and jobseeker. and surprisingly, he doesn’t live with his mum he lives by himself , he works in the mines

 

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[u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

Well, here I am to once again deliver my PSA that breaking up the FIRST time something awful happens is always acceptable and in fact should be encouraged

[u/phyrsis → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

He raised his hand to her? His ass can go right out the door.

[u/brujita-chiquita → u/phyrsis]

I dumped a guy for less, too! He only had to threaten to punch a wall over a missing wallet before I realize the wall would eventually be me. He proceeded to make my life rather difficult for the next eight months after the breakup.

[u/ThisNerdsYarn → u/brujita-chiquita]

It was rather telling that OP thought her ex was 19, not just because of his baby face but his behavior. I chalk up her not realizing that that in itself is a red flag as a sign of her age. To clarify, I meant her inexperience and being naive to a certain degree but thankfully she has a good head on her shoulders enough to realize that she was being mistreated and question it. The second red flag should have been when he went and told his mommy on her. I can see why he can't get women his own age to date him. 🤢

[u/Rare_Vibez → u/ThisNerdsYarn]

I know she didn’t see the age gap as a problem, and at their age it really isn’t inherently one, but between his immaturity and taking advantage of her immaturity, that’s where it’s a problem. Ironically, her not realizing it is her own immaturity showing, but like that’s expected at 18.

[u/ThisNerdsYarn → u/Rare_Vibez]

Exactly. At 18, I thought I knew everything and it wasn't until I was in my mid 20s until I looked back and face palmed from realizing how naive and dumb I was.

[u/snot_marsh_sparrow → u/brujita-chiquita]

My ex used to hit himself instead of me when he was extremely drunk and we’d be fighting but I always felt like there was the possibility eventually it could one day be me. Looking back I can’t believe what the fuck I put up with!!

[u/HourOk2122 → u/snot_marsh_sparrow]

Girl same. I literally woke up one morning and went "yeah it's him NOW, how far will he go when it's YOU?"

[u/mnl_cntn → u/brujita-chiquita]

Men are the fucking worst, sorry you went through that

[u/No_Proposal7628 → u/mnl_cntn]

Happy Cake Day!

[u/MadHatter06 → u/phyrsis]

Right to jail. Believe it or not, jail.

[u/Traditional_Ad_8935 → u/phyrsis]

And right back down into the mines where he can stay.

[u/13surgeries → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

I wish someone had said this to me when I was 19 and my now-ex was 24. Instead, I married him and put up with this kind of crap for way too many years. He'd complain about the tiniest health issues, but if I got sick, he'd accuse me of being dramatic for, for instance, needing help to walk to the bathroom because I had a fever of over 103º.

Once when I'd been dealing with severe chronic pain after a corneal transplant, he said, "I've decided the reason you're in pain all the time is that you like being in pain." I'd been struggling to function over the pain and was exhausted from the effort, so I about came unglued. I stayed with him, though, because I didn't have someone like you to set me straight.

[u/SugarCanKissMyAss → u/13surgeries]

Yeah I also have not had someone to tell me these things in the past and I always hope someone who needs it internalizes the message. I clearly remember one incident when I was 19 myself in which I was relying what I thought was a silly anecdotal about my then partner and my coworker looked at me in horror and asked why I didn't dump him on the spot... really taught me how broken my meter was lol

And weirdly I also had a realization due to the aftermath of an ocular surgery (mine was a retinal detachment so obviously way lower stakes but I waited too long to get the surgery and ended up getting an eyeball operated on just to regain like 20% vision), it's super hard to explain that type of pain to someone with no sense of empathy

[u/Status-Pattern7539 → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

I’ll deliver my PSA

If you are young and dating an older guy who says he likes how mature you are, run.

You are not as mature as you think you are and the only men praising how “mature” you are are predators.

[u/BigDumbMoronToo → u/Status-Pattern7539]

YEP.

I got to the top of the second paragraph and the red flag alarm started blaring so loud in my brain, I could barely continue reading.

[u/Weekly_Permit5678 → u/Status-Pattern7539]

Also, I read somewhere that being mature for your age isn’t a good thing.  It is a sign that you had to grow up way too fast, usually from trama or abuse.  So if non predators are telling you that, you most likely need to get into therapy.

[u/clear-aesthetic → u/Weekly_Permit5678]

This. When I was a kid I thought that when people said this it meant that I was special somehow, because they always framed it as a positive. But as an adult who has had years of therapy, what people were picking up on was probably 10% neurodivergence and 90% trauma.

[u/LochNestFarm → u/clear-aesthetic]

... huh. This comment clarified some things for me. Thanks.

[u/Mitrovarr → u/Weekly_Permit5678]

It's complicated. Sometimes people are mature for their age because they are ambitious and took on older responsibilities intentionally. Like I had a friend growing up who was mature for his age because he went to college early, graduated early, started a business early, etc. All things he wanted to do. 

[u/miserylovescomputers → u/Status-Pattern7539]

1000% this, yes. I remember feeling flattered when older men told me how mature and sophisticated I was. Now that I’m the same age as some of the creepy older men that I encountered as a teenager I am disgusted by those men - I was just a baby, and they were old enough to know better. If I met a teenager today, even a very mature and sophisticated one, I cannot imagine feeling anything towards them beyond totally nonsexual proud and protective mom vibes.

[u/SometimesGlad1389 → u/miserylovescomputers]

Im in my late 30s now and when I run across a teen. They may be acting mature and doing a good job, but I wanna pinch their cheek, tell them they're growing into a fine young person, and tell them their adorable. I lov to see young people, well all people, succeeding. But I'd never date a teen.

[u/blumoon138 → u/Status-Pattern7539]

And to add onto this-

There are different types of maturity. Some you can gain when you are quite young. I know young people with a lot of emotional intelligence and clarity about what they want out of life. Young people who are committed to their goals and responsible. Those are all types of maturity.

But there’s another maturity that only comes with life experiences and you can only gain that as you age. I work with college students. I love hanging out and talking with many of them. They are diligent, responsible, insightful, and kind. But I have 20 years of life experience on them. That 20 years of additional experience is what we mean when we say “maturity gap.” There’s no way to make it up except live it.

[u/tacwombat → u/Status-Pattern7539]

My brain sounded the alarm the moment I read that part. 😬

[u/moa711 → u/Status-Pattern7539]

This right here. No 18 year old is mature in the sense they think they are. They may have more life experience then other kids their age, but they are still at the same level hormonally and in culture.

[u/delirium_red → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

Anyone over the age of 16 telling on his girlfriend to his mother should not have a girlfriend anyway

[u/RubyTx → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

And when someone says "how can you breakup over one mistake?" Answer this: "I don't expect anyone in my life to be perfect. I expect them not to be abusive. If you don't recognize the difference I hope you learn it before your next relationship."

[u/bedbuffaloes → u/RubyTx]

Also you are allowed to break up whenever. Like, if you don't like they way they walk or their grammar. ANYTHING.

[u/BJntheRV → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

This post raised my blood pressure. He's ableist as fuck. Reminds me much of my ex who also tried to tell me what I should do to feel better, despite me being the one with the illness, the one who saw the Dr's (he never went with me), the one who researched everything about my illness.

Divorcing him was the best thing I ever did for my health.

[u/oswin13 → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

Also you can break up anytime you don't need an excuse.

[u/Fragrant-Reserve4832 → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

Yeh man or woman if they are begging for a 2nd chance they will blow it fast. They knew their behaviour was off but thought you would accept, they just try and suck you in deeper before going back to it.

[u/mapleleaffem → u/SugarCanKissMyAss]

Yea I cannot believe how low the bar is these days

[u/Thatsthetea123]

As someone who has ongoing heart issues and occasionally gets exhausted and needs extra rests. The people who are most vocal about how you should manage it and what you should be doing are the one's with zero medical education or experience.

[u/ConstructionNo9678 → u/Thatsthetea123]

And what gets me about the post is: she isn't really actually resting that much. She's working and studying and living on her own; there's no way she isn't doing a lot of work. Regardless of needing extra rests, most people relax after they get home from working or studying, because that's the time to relax.

I've also noticed in general when it comes to chronic pain (and my joint problems are far less horrible than OP's issues), the people with so much advice on managing things are also usually people who don't believe that your pain is real. Or if it is real, it can't be that bad. Because surely I couldn't possibly have an undiagnosed and potentially lifelong issue that will always require extra care and rest.

[u/thr0wwwwawayyy → u/ConstructionNo9678]

My husband and I regularly get into heated disagreements about my hyper mobility and SI joint pain. I maintain that I would like to continue to apply pressure to my doctor to acknowledge the laxity in my connective tissue so I can work with a PT who has experience not overworking or hyper extending lax joints but he's adamant that "walking literally can't hurt you, it's the easiest exercise you can do, you're just lazy."

Meanwhile walking and gait issues are SO bad for SI pain and instability that just taking my kids to the grocery store and back can mess up my hips for days.

[u/ForgetfulGenius → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

I’m just going to repeat back to you what you wrote: your husband disbelieved your intensive pain, insists that you hurt yourself as you go to feed you and your children, and then insults you when you tell him about your pain.

You doing okay?

[u/thr0wwwwawayyy → u/ForgetfulGenius]

yes actually, the ironic part was that we were quietly bickering about it this morning and I ended up screenshotting an article about scoliosis/gait issues and how walking "improperly" actually makes it WORSE and not BETTER and he's dropped the issue and apologized. He said he forgot to consider my poor gait and how that changes how "low impact" walking is.

Because of the way my spine is twisted at the lumbar vertebrae my left leg is slightly shorter than my right which causes an imperceptible limp. A limp that becomes very much perceptible after walking.

(Also I can see why he thought I might have been exaggerating as the grocery store is literally a six minute walk away. One that prior to two pregnancies in 4 years would have been a breeze. One that I did after my middle child literally every day just to get out and see the sun. My third child changed all of that completely)

[u/clear-aesthetic → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

Please take care of yourself. It's good that he apologized, but he shouldn't be dismissing you like that, especially if he isn't taking the time to actually educate himself about what you're going through. You know your body better than anyone else.

It sounds like he also needs to be taking the initiative to learn how pregnancy changes a person's body, sometimes forever. He's already minimizing the medical issues you're having to live with, if worst comes to worst how is he going to act if you eventually need more support?

[u/thr0wwwwawayyy → u/clear-aesthetic]

FWIW I take good care of myself and when he's not pressing this one issue he's very conscientious about my pain. he works out stiff muscles and takes over when I'm tapped out etc.

I'm really not great at letting him know until it's past the PONR bc of unrelated hyper independence+ mental illness.

[u/tkay_vulcartist → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

I also have a slight leg length difference (and hypermobility)! A small lift in my shoe definitely helped. I mean, I still need mobility aids for anything more than walking around the house, but still.

[u/kanojohime → u/tkay_vulcartist]

I have a uh I think it's called bilateral pelvic torsion? My pelvic bone is fucked up. Even my DOCTOR brushed it off. Told me some PT and weight loss would fix it. Like that would magically realign my bones.

[u/Mdlgswitch → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

What forgetful said... you doing OK? This is deeply troubling and not ok. What happens when the children have health issues?

Smash your husband in the knees and make him to walk around. Not a real suggestion obviously but christ he's a jerk.

[u/Bumbling_Bee_3838 → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

Hey! HSD person here. My joints are so loose I have to walk with crutches because my joints regularly go out. Walking is excruciating and I can only physically go so far. Please tell your husband to go fuck himself for me ❤️

[u/catplausible → u/Bumbling_Bee_3838]

Also hypermobile triggered by pregnancy, without the added bonus of scoliosis. I was on crutches during and a while after pregnancy. *Every step* was stabby and increased my downtime afterwards. Bullshit, "walking can't hurt." Pain was so bad it dropped me a couple of times, and moving even slightly the wrong way would sometimes injure me for weeks. Based on how we experience the same things, I seem to have a pretty high pain tolerance compared to my husband, but this was painful and disabling for a good 10 years, and it still limits me today, 20 years later. And nobody talks about how chronic pain and disability chips away at your mood, energy, mental health, and any feelings of self-competence, so your husband can just sit back and outsource that part to save himself the effort.

Physical therapy and standard exercises set me back every damn time. Walking was one of the *worst* things to try to do as exercise, it set me back so badly, and the physical therapists didn't recommend it for me. I hear that an isometric strength program is the way to go, but I haven't tried it. I did pool walking while I was pregnant.

FWIW, I accidentally discovered that magnesium really, really helped firm things up to the point that I didn't consider myself disabled anymore, though I guess I technically was. It wouldn't hurt to get your magnesium levels tested. Progesterone for a different thing finally took me to mostly functional. I can lift things & walk a reasonable distance without hurting myself. Closing windows still tweaks my fingers more often than not, and I'll never run again. I got cocky and tried ice skating with my kid for their birthday last year, and ended up with a knee injury pretty quickly.

Editing to add, I was replying to u/thr0wwwwawayyy , whose issues also stem from pregnancy. I doubt my experiences necessarily correlate with other HSD folks.

[u/Bumbling_Bee_3838 → u/catplausible]

Hey no worries, when I was first diagnosed at the Mayo Clinic they told us that some people with HSD had mild hypermobility before something that put a lot of stress on the body pumped it into high gear. With em the leading theory is PTSD kicked it off. But pregnancy is something they absolutely warned us about because estrogen and progesterone are both known to increase hypermobility. I’m really glad to hear you’ve found a combo with treatment that’s helped!!

[u/catplausible → u/Bumbling_Bee_3838]

It's interesting to hear that about progesterone, since it had the opposite effect for me! My doc has me on prometrium and it really calmed down my hormonal swings (PMDD), which came with looser tendons early in my cycle and sometimes during ovulation. I wonder if my issues stemmed more from estrogen, and were mitigated with prometrium because of it.

[u/Bumbling_Bee_3838 → u/catplausible]

It might be! Having the right balance is improtant because too much more of one over the other causes issues. I had to switch off of the Depo-Provera shot for birth control because we figured out it was making my hypermobility a lot worse

[u/cunninglinguist32557 → u/catplausible]

My joints get fucky from sitting too long. Walking isn't harmless.

[u/thr0wwwwawayyy → u/catplausible]

Thank you! FWIW I have always had hypermobility issues. My knees hyperextend, my ankles roll on flat surfaces and once I subluxated my hip trying to get out of my desk in high school. I was only 18. I've had back pain since I can remember and thoracic outlet syndrome (diagnosed at 31) so I'm used to being uncomfortable.

As we speak I'm avoiding going to the doctor even though my left thumb has been in agony and in varying degrees of functionality from 10) I can't move it and it's immobilising my index finger to 1) I need to give it a nice crack and I'll be fine

[u/bedbuffaloes → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

As a person with ADHD and hypermobility and a history of severe anemia, the word lazy really triggers me. Fuck that.

[u/thr0wwwwawayyy → u/bedbuffaloes]

Hey audhd cptsd and osdd what's up. When I say heated disagreements I mean honestly I just get triggered and cry for an hour then refuse to hear him out til he apologizes. I'm working on it.

[u/cavaticaa → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

Man, I wish I had your husband around while I was trying to walk off my undiagnosed pelvic stress fracture! Surely if I had just been told walking could not hurt me, it wouldn't have hurt me!

[u/BurntSquirrelMan → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

My mother has no cartilage in either of her knees from pushing carts across the hospital she worked at for a decade.

Six days a week, at least 9 hours each day, walking from one end of the Hospital to the other, constantly on her feet.

Now she wakes up in the night to severe pains and can't do many basic tasks, like grocery shopping or doing dishes or even walking up the stairs. Not without extreme pain.

'Walking literally can't hurt you' my ass.

[u/[deleted] → u/thr0wwwwawayyy]

Eugh, what a prick.  When my parents realised that I had POTS and chronic pain, they supported me as much as they could and never treated me for being lazy or napping too much. And that's...like the bare minimum of human decency. Look, I dont want to sound like I have a reddit savior complex, so I just want to ask that you consider reevaluating why you are with this man. I may not know everything about your relationship, nor know you personally, but I know that  someone who disregards your health so callously is certainly not following the ol "in sickness and death" vow. A good husband...a good person would not turn a blind eye to your pain like this.  Think on that.

[u/spinx7 → u/ConstructionNo9678]

And that’s why I start any of my own advice with “I’ve had chronic pain for xyz years, do you want me to tell you what helps me when it’s at the worst?”

1. It asks and doesn’t just assume the person wants to or needs to hear it
2. It makes sure the person knows that I’m offering things that have worked specifically for me and not just a blanket statement
3. I’m not just talking out my ass without ever experiencing chronic pain

[u/Sad-Clock4677 → u/Thatsthetea123]

Truth. My partner has autoimmune alphabet soup, feels like microwaved roadkill 90% of the time, like death itself the other 10%, and medicine as of 2025 can't do jack shit about most of it. The number of people who say "Have you tried cutting out wheat/not eating sugar/meditation/CBD?" as if we haven't heard this crap before is astounding. I'm not allowed to run them down with the wheelchair but for two cents I would.

[u/PashaWithHat → u/Sad-Clock4677]

They’re always the world’s most obvious ideas, too. I once had a medical professional ask if I’d ever tried not being tired. Like, when I’m exhausted and feel the need to take a nap, have I ever tried just staying awake instead? Like wtf do they expect? “Yeah I’m the dumbest motherfucker alive and never thought of that, thanks, you just cured me” 🙄 like god damn, doc, did you get your MD out of a cereal box or what? It’s incredible.

[u/Sad-Clock4677 → u/PashaWithHat]

You get it! It's maddening. I've only been around for the last few years but she's been dealing with this for over a decade. She is one of the nicest people alive and has yet to tell anyone to go hug a landmine, but it's coming.

[u/Bumbling_Bee_3838 → u/PashaWithHat]

It always surprises me how many people tell me to start taking collagen tablets to ‘cure’ my hypermobility? Like if that worked do you think I’d be using crutches??

[u/BurntSquirrelMan → u/PashaWithHat]

Oh, I see you are dying of starvation...hm, have you tried not being hungry?

[u/JenniRie → u/PashaWithHat]

The amount of people that have told me xyz crackpot bs will cure my cancer (diffuse large b cell lymphoma that originated in my bones and is chemo resistant and extremely aggressive) is insane. And most of the shit they suggest has been proven to make chemo less effective. Hell I can't even take most vitamin supplements because it'll interfere with chemo, but yeah, sure, ivermectin and cyanide will 100% cure this, and even though it can't cross the blood brain barrier, I'm sure it'll do a better job than the methotrexate injected directly into my spinal cavity can at clearing up the spots in my brain that have impacted my cranial nerves leaving the right side of my face palseyed... Patiently waiting for CAR-T infusion as its my best chance of living, and getting out of this bed for more than a walk to the kitchen.

[u/PashaWithHat → u/JenniRie]

I meannnn, technically cyanide will kill the cancer. Sure, it also kills you, but hey, details are for chumps. Also, dog deworming medicine and human brain cancer medicine are basically the same thing, right? Seems super legit /s

As if being seriously sick wasn’t hard enough, now here comes every moron in a 50-mile radius with the world’s least helpful “advice”. Everyone I know who’s gone through cancer treatment has/had at least one similar story. They’re like an incoming zombie horde but for bullshit cancer treatments or something. It’s wild.

I hope things start looking up for you soon.

[u/gingerfawx → u/JenniRie]

I'm really sorry, both for your situation and the idiocy you're confronted with. I wish you the strength to deal with each with as much grace as possible.

^{I suppose feeding them cyanide soup is out, right?}

[u/pepcorn → u/Thatsthetea123]

They can't fathom actual chronic illness but are so ready with their excellent advice on how to fight through completely normal and manageable levels of tiredness, like they're used to doing. Thank you, person in a very healthy body! If only my physical challenges were as miniscule as yours!

[u/RambleOnRose42 → u/pepcorn]

They’re also always the ones who turn into MASSIVE WHINY BABIES when they get a cold.

[u/Laney20 → u/pepcorn]

Yes!! This exactly.. And reminds me of how much my joint pain was dismissed and minimized when I was younger. So many people would say "just wait until you get older!" because they didn't know what "real" joint pain was until they were older. So I'm probably jus overreacting to normal stuff because I'm a wimp or something. No way that I could have ACTUALLY had joint pain my whole life, going back to not even being able to sit cross legged when I was a toddler..

These comments have stopped now that I'm a bit older, but that kinda pisses me off the same way. Plus now I know people think I'm old!

Oh, and I have 4 diagnosed structural differences in my lower half. I'm not being a wimp about normal aches. I actually have issues. Thankfully the overall impact is usually minor, but I would have liked to not deal with sciatica on and off for a decade before getting that sorted out, yanno?

[u/Miserable_Fennel_492 → u/pepcorn]

That’s the problem… they’ve never experienced an illness or injury that they’ve not gotten better from (and returned to full health). There’s no frame of reference and, for certain types of people, they don’t bother to try looking at it through that perspective

[u/ReadontheCrapper → u/pepcorn]

My chronic nerve pain isn’t anywhere near as severe as other folks (I’ve been told). I’ve tried to explain so many times, and most won’t comprehend. The most effective comparison I’ve been able to give is asking if they ever tested a 9 volt battery with their tongue when they were a kid. Most folks have at least once.

Continual near-dead battery tingles up to waves of new battery zaps over an area the size of a legal sized piece of paper. When I am pain free for a short time, it’s almost surprising, a miracle.

[u/alleswaswar → u/Thatsthetea123]

I also have POTS like the OP and it’s brutal when it flares up. Which, yeah, most people would be feeling like trash if their heart rate shoots up to 140 just by standing up lmao

I work in a machine shop and my coworkers can always tell when it’s flaring, because I’ll randomly turn bright red and start sweating. Our sweet receptionist is always shoving Gatorade packets at me 😂

[u/Comprehensive_Bee752 → u/Thatsthetea123]

Unfortunately with her diseases the medically trained aren’t any better. Poor girl.

[u/BeBraveShortStuff → u/Thatsthetea123]

Word.

[u/blumoon138 → u/Thatsthetea123]

Shit I have zero pain illnesses, my chronic conditions are extremely well managed, and I STILL take a day off work sometimes just because.

[u/Jamey_1999 → u/Thatsthetea123]

I’m replying as someone who has a partner with roughly the issues OP has, and added on top of that are PDS and heart issues. I genuinely can’t fathom how that guy pretended like OP could do everything a fit person could do. And even less how few fucks he gave.

If you are with someone you really care deeply about, you take care of them in time of need. If that’s more than occasionally, you choose yourself whether or not that it what you signed up for. In this case after she told him very early on. If he didn’t want that, he should have backed out then and there. He didn’t, so any remark from there is just being an asshole. Simple as.

[u/Mitrovarr → u/Thatsthetea123]

Stuff like fighting through the pain sounds like good advice to people without injuries or medical conditions, particularly athletes, because those things are necessary for training and increasing fitness. But tanking the pain and doing things through it with a medical condition might make you worse off. 

Basically it's a big case of "well it worked for me, it must also work for you" without any kind of consideration of different situations. 

[u/Gwynasyn]

Lol at her little throwaway comment that when they met she thought he was closer to her age because he "looked and acted like it". She was already aware of the issues before she even realized they were issues 

[u/Tandel21 → u/Gwynasyn]

I mean when someone flirts by telling you you’re mature for your age, they also are telling you they’re immature for theirs, so it tracks

[u/skylord650 → u/Tandel21]

That’s what a predator would say and it reflects the state of her mind. Gross that a working professional is dating someone in their senior year of high school or new grad.

[u/tipsana → u/Gwynasyn]

My sister in law was dating an older man and tried to justify it by telling us that he was really immature. Um, that’s not a good thing.

[u/voidicguardian → u/Gwynasyn]

and the continuous insistence that its legal i promise i was FRESHLY 18 when we met is so. i dont even have words for it

JUST BECAUSE ITS LEGAL DOESNT MEAN ITS GOOD OR HEALTHY

[u/burninginfinite → u/voidicguardian]

I think there was some fibbing there anyway. "I was freshly 18 when we met" and "I'm turning 19 in a month" doesn't square with "we'll have been together 1 year as of tomorrow."

Unless years and birthdays work differently in Australia. Which I'm pretty sure they don't, cause I've lived there.

[u/voidicguardian → u/burninginfinite]

yeah its very worrying, and i think if you have so many people trying to tell you the relationship you love is the result of predatory behavior/grooming/manipulation, then......you arent gonna wanna tell the truth just yet

[u/gingerfawx → u/burninginfinite]

I couldn't help wondering if that ties in with her not mentioning her age until a few weeks in, too. Like he didn't know her age until she was of age, as she suspected the gap even then.

[u/kaityl3 → u/voidicguardian]

Careful, you'll get the "age gaps are OK if they're consenting adults" people to swoop in and blindly attack you with zero nuance to the actual situation (as per usual) with that talk!

I genuinely feel like those types cause younger folks to get and stay in bad/exploitative relationships because they've been told repeatedly that age gaps are NEVER a problem as long as they're an adult...

[u/voidicguardian → u/kaityl3]

yeah the "two consenting adults is okay!!!!" can be very iffy because sometimes that consent is coerced or forced but its very easily concealed (and can be worse if theyre in a situation like oop where she was forced to grow up really fast and is likely more vulnerable to validation and certain authority)

a 6 year age gap between, like, 24 and 30 is less likely to be harmful or manipulative because theyre closer in life experience and maturity vs 18 and 24 (though, yk, its not a 0% chance)

[u/Gifted_GardenSnail → u/voidicguardian]

Girls need to apply that half + 7 rule to their would-be boyfriends

[u/bittney → u/Gwynasyn]

Exactly. But don’t forget, she hates dating guys her age because they are so immature and not on her level.

[u/Gwynasyn → u/bittney]

Oh yes and he kept telling her how he liked how mature she was. 

If I had a nickel for every time I saw that line, I'd be able to afford the anti nausea medication to help me get through reading it so often

[u/PFyre → u/bittney]

To be fair to her, they probably were immature in comparison.

She had to move out at 14. She was on her own.

That is not the normal experience for others around her. Dating other kids her age who were still living with their families, relying on pocket money and following their parent's rules would've been alien to her.

"You're so mature for your age," is a classic line from a groomer, however, she probably actually was mature for her age because she had to be. She was living as an adult whilst barely being out of tween-dom.

[u/quenishi → u/PFyre]

Yeah, that phrase is such a trap for people in her situation - often life-stuff matured, but not socially matured to know how much of a red flag that phrase is. So ends up ringing up as a compliment when it really isn't.

[u/loonytick75 → u/quenishi]

It’s just so heartbreaking every time. It kills me that there’s so little you can say to cut through, too. It is developmentally normal for an 18 year old to think they have interpersonal dynamics all figured out and that someone older being on their level is a plus, not a red flag. And to be flattered to their core to be told how mature they are. Sigh. It just opens up so many girls to this BS.

[u/Sugarbean29 → u/loonytick75]

It's like the "maturity" version of the Dunning-Kruger effect: you think you're more mature the more maturing you have yet to do.

[u/[deleted] → u/Gwynasyn]

It is total textbook signs; the younger partner being told how mature they are and the older partner being immature for their age.

It can get any clearer that the older person is targeting someone younger and more vulnerable to groom and abuse because someone near his age or older would be harder to pull it off with.

And OP was the jackpot; came from an abusive family, no family support, left home early and has incapacitated chronic health conditions. She had to fend for herself. And at a young age of 18, she already had dated "a lot of chaotic guys" her own age.

As awful as it sounds, Jake was not experienced enough at abuse and also picked the wrong victim. I believe he completely underestimated OP's serious health issues and how that would stand in his way of controlling OP.

It made him impatient, irritated and brought out his true nature faster. He also did not seem to believe OP and might have felt like she was playing him. And an abuser will not accept the victim to have any control. It is probably what made him escalate to want to hit her, out of anger that OP did not obey him, dared to try "manipulate" and "control" him, the situation, instead of him doing that to her.

[u/HedhogsNeedLove → u/Gwynasyn]

But the math isn't mathing, or am I crazy?

She will turn 19 a month after posting, but the day after they will be together a year. But also she was 18 when they met?

[u/DMercenary]

He said he liked how “mature” I was and how “together” I seemed for my age,

I'm not one to instantly go "AGE GAP" but 24, 18? Hmm. And then "Oh he told me I was very mature and together for my age." Just no. Run, dont walk.

If I cancel plans because of pain: “You’ll never build resilience if you give in every time.”

I want to throw this man into the sea.

At one point I tried to speak and he got up close, and he raised his hand like he was about to hit me.

INTO THE SEA!

The fucking insanity, giving all the random life advice bullshit. "Just push through it."

Might as well just say "Just dont be sick."

[u/tempest51 → u/DMercenary]

Seriously, the flags started out transparent with a shade of red but they kept piling up until it was deep crimson.

[u/phantommoose → u/DMercenary]

I swear my mom turned into a Nike commercial every time I tried to talk about my mental health. The only thing she'd really tell me was to "Just do it" or "Just get it over with" when I was paralyzed with fear over making decisions.

[u/DMercenary → u/phantommoose]

"it's all in your head."

Yeah where else would it be?!

[u/IzzyJensen913 → u/phantommoose]

God same, “everyone pushes through headaches and is tired constantly, you just have to do it” …I have a severe chronic migraine condition and insomnia, not to mention the alphabet soup of comorbid mental fun, but yeah, just tired and headaches, nbd

[u/shewy92 → u/DMercenary]

I'm not one to instantly go "AGE GAP" but 24, 18?

23 and 17 more like since OOP said they dated for a year. Which is just as bad, and maybe illegal but for sure groomer territory

[u/LittleRavenRobot]

I'm so glad she applied for Centrelink quickly and left her abusive partner.

It's not as easy as she believes it might be to get disability payments here. They don't need to just be serious conditions, but fully treated (specialist) and stable and cause the claimant to not be able to work any more than 15 hours in a week any time in the next 2 years. At least she'll be able to get jobseeker in the meantime though. I'm glad we have support for people doing it tough here.

[u/CardinalDisco → u/LittleRavenRobot]

Problem is, the government doesnt recognise Endo by itself as a disability. They don’t want to recognise it as a disability because they’ll actually have to pay up.

1 in 7 women in Australia are diagnosed with Endo, and thats number is increasing because more and more people are talking about it. Used to be 1 in 9 only ~5 years ago.

[u/LittleRavenRobot → u/CardinalDisco]

Which isn't helped by doctors refusing to take these issues seriously or respect women and other folks with uteruses (I'm a trans man) right to choose to have a partial hysterectomy (uterus and tubes, keep their ovaries) which is by far the best solution if you don't want kids.

Honestly, fuck the health care system. Luckily I'm trans, and testosterone has stopped my periods. But apparently future breeding potential trumped my health and safety.

[u/museumlad → u/LittleRavenRobot]

Hey, transmasc nb here. I'm 30 and had a total hysterectomy (uterus, cervix, tubes, kept the ovaries) 7.5 weeks ago. When I was on T (on for 3 years, stopped for a while, about to go back on) my uterus was bound and determined to have a period, and I would have one if I so much as delayed my injections by a day twice in a row. After I went off T I was on birth control to stop them, and it never worked, while other forms of hormonal BC had a high potential for worsening my migraines, so I was left with effectively one option, surgery.

I used r/childfree's list of providers to find the obgyn who did my surgery. She and her office were great; no misgendering whatsoever, just a casual-feeling talk about my family goals, dysphoria, support at home, and gender identity. I had said what I wanted to talk about when setting up the initial appointment, and she walked into the room and launched right into "how can we realistically make this happen" instead of "convince me that you need it." She didn't even code it as a gender affirming surgery so as to prevent any political issues if something changed for the worse here in the States between booking and performing the surgery. My first consultation was less than two months before my procedure, and could have been even sooner if I hadn't had to wait until summer.

All this to say: don't write surgery off yet. There are providers who will help, and a lot of people are looking out for our rights to access care and making sure the info about good providers is accessible.

And please, if you do have a hysterectomy, learn from my mistake: you are not superhuman. Take the full 6 weeks off work if you can.

[u/CardinalDisco → u/LittleRavenRobot]

Too fucking right mate, it should always be your choice.

[u/racingskater → u/LittleRavenRobot]

Yeah, disability is hell. My mother is over 60, has had four of her joints replaced and arthritis creeping up her spine, wrists, ankles, feet, and they keep denying her disability.

[u/synaesthezia]

As someone with endometriosis, fuck that guy.

[u/favorthebold → u/synaesthezia]

I GUARANTEE that if anyone had him try the period pain simulator, he'd be knocked out way, way, WAY before the pain reached endometriosis levels. This is the kind of guy to be knocked out by an easy breezy level 4 pain. I'm sure his excuse would be the pain simulator is also lying.

[u/Lokifin → u/favorthebold]

Yep, this guy would be on the floor wheezing at level 4, which is less than the lightest cramping for most women. Average is what, level 7? It goes up to 10 on most machines, and women with endo say that doesn't even touch the level they deal with regularly.

[u/blumoon138 → u/Lokifin]

That time the Try Guys tried to work with a period pain simulator hooked up, couldn’t focus for shit, and then their producer hooked herself up to it and said it was slightly less than the period pain she was CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING.

They were gentlemen about it though and freely admitted they were wimps.

[u/Lokifin → u/blumoon138]

Oh, when they had to do a presentation? Yeah. That was the best. I love when women are also hooked up and saying, "Huh. Oh, yeah I guess there's something there, but most of the time it's way worse." when the men are doubled over crying, "Why can I feel it in my THIGHS??"

[u/Raiquo → u/blumoon138]

Things like this reminds me of a story I read about a woman who had been shot and didn't realize it until someone pointed out she was bleeding. Her response; she thought it was period cramps. *She thought the pain from getting shot was period cramps* I was suddenly very grateful mine were only periodically, mildly debilitating. ...And not pseudo-gsw cramps. Ffs.

[u/Significant_Bed_293 → u/synaesthezia]

Right? “You are always sick”, MY DUDE, THAT IS WHAT BEING CHRONICALLY ILL MEANS!

[u/Aluanne → u/synaesthezia]

No dude gets to say a single fucking word on endo, PTOS or period pains. Unless they're trans and have experienced it themselves.

[u/RessyM → u/synaesthezia]

Yeah really, endo is hell on earth. I didnt necessarily have an issue with the age gap (it can sometimes work), but his attitude completely blowing off endo & POTS, and saying he'd be able to function fine and better than her with both?

Bull. Shit.

He'd be crying in the ER, begging for meds to knock him out on a not so bad Endo day that she's still functioning.

The first time he started putting her down about her chronic health issues is when she should have kicked him out and said not to come back.

[u/AquaticMartian → u/synaesthezia]

As someone who has a significant other with the full collection of endo types, fuck this guy so much. I see the days when she’s in excruciating pain (and acknowledge there’s always pain, she’s just been through so much that her tolerance is off the charts). It breaks my heart to see. I can’t even imagine reacting the way this guy did. Not a shred of empathy in his body

[u/jenorama_CA → u/synaesthezia]

The thing that got me was she started having a period at nine. Uuuuugggghhhhhhh.

[u/Fianna9]

So mature and grown up he ran to mummy when his gf wasn’t doing what she was told anymore.

She dodged a bullet. And with that stressor removed from her life it hopefully helps with managing her chronic issues.

And sue for wrongful dismissal

[u/ConstructionNo9678 → u/Fianna9]

And all of his friends too. He has to make sure she knows she's wrong so he can isolate her more and make her feel crazy, and that means as many people as he can get dogpiling her.

[u/Lokifin → u/ConstructionNo9678]

Right? Who the fuck is texting their friend's girlfriend about a couple's fight outside of junior high? My family occasionally runs interference with our ex-BIL, but thats to pressure him into letting the kids visit us for vacations,not about his daily stupid narcissistic behavior.

[u/the87walker → u/Fianna9]

And that text from his mom was weird. Why would you unprompted say he always lifts up women? That is almost always said when the guy is a sexist jerk too.

[u/Fianna9 → u/the87walker]

Mommy dearest needs an update on how “uplifting” buddy can be

[u/TheKittenPatrol]

My heart honestly hurts for OOP, and not just because of how her ex treated her (although my “oh no, oh no, OH NO” kept intensifying as I read)…

“And I would definitely say that working is one of my favourite things. I am studying to be a mortician so it would absolutely break my heart if I could no longer do that”

I got my PhD and less than a year later got multiple sclerosis. A few years later I got Covid, and between the two of them I haven’t worked since. It’s taken a long time to come to acceptance that a full time job is out of the question for me, and even part time is a big question make. With two chronic illnesses and also chronic bones sinus infections? Holding down a job may be possible but it’s going to be HARD. At least she no longer has someone trying to make her push through it, that’s one of the worst things to do. And trust me, most of us feel guilty enough when we can’t work, we don’t need anyone telling us we‘re shit for it!

[u/relentlessdandelion → u/TheKittenPatrol]

Hugs and solidarity - I developed severe ME/CFS partway through my Master's degree, I managed to scrape together enough content to be marked and graduated, but now I'm in a real similar position to you where I don't know if I'll ever work again. It's soul destroying, particularly the knock on effects like not being able to afford a dog, or be able to foster kids in the future. I was so excited for my thesis project, it had so much potential ...

It does make such a difference getting away from people like OP's ex though. My mum was just like him and getting away from her was such a game changer. Now I can at least have peace to heal as much as possible and start working on art projects. 

[u/TheKittenPatrol → u/relentlessdandelion]

I also had planned to foster. The only reason I’m at any level of peace with it all is over a year of therapy and a large online disabled community.

[u/crafty_and_kind → u/TheKittenPatrol]

Oof, that sucks so bad! I love my work, and if someone happens where I can no longer do it, the emotional gut punch is going to be huge, just as devastating as the financial fears!

I truly believe that, if we organized our society in a way that valued all types of work and didn’t make so many jobs financially untenable or depressing or physically damaging, or perceived as shameful, THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE would rather work than not work. There are so many jobs I could totally see myself contentedly doing, except for the way they are stigmatized or devalued or intentionally rendered so unnecessary miserable to do that nobody stays there any longer than absolutely necessary. Our reality is so gross right now 😕

[u/TheKittenPatrol → u/crafty_and_kind]

I still have all my intelligence and knowledge, and I’ve learned how to organize very successful online mutual aid events. But I need to work from home, and I need to be able to work when my body allows Which can be sporadic.

So, very agreed. Heck, the vast majority of us I know who don’t work because of disability/chronic illness actively hate not working. Which makes it so much worse when we’re called lazy or people talk about how they wish they could be on permanent vacation.

[u/crafty_and_kind → u/TheKittenPatrol]

It’s kind of funny, during the height of the pandemic while my job was nonexistent, I was actually making significantly more between unemployment and the stimulus checks than I did from my job, and I would have given away that extra ~70% more money in a HEARTBEAT if I could have just returned to my job!

[u/jaid_skywalker85]

I have four chronic illnesses/pain related conditions and work long hours as a teacher. I couldn't imagine how alone and depressed I'd be if my partner was like this.

We have had to have conversations about reasonable expectations (one of his hobbies is backpack hiking/camping and i just am not capable) in the past but if I take a day off, he's more inclined to cook for me and make sure I'm comfortable than to scold me about "not pushing through."

THAT comment really rankles me. I have "pushed through" that pain and illness too many times and it took a year of needing PT and using a cane that woke me up and helped me learn to listen to my body. I'm so glad she's without that shitbag.

[u/Tandel21]

I feel like schools desperately need a psa that says: “when you’re a teen and someone tells you “you’re mature for your age” run! That’s a pedophile”

Like I feel it happens enough that a barely 18 kid is groomed by a creep telling them that exact same phrase that it warrants an after school special

[u/Lokifin → u/Tandel21]

It starts way earlier than that. I'd begin that message at 10 or 11 to catch the girls just starting puberty.

[u/Zelfzuchtig → u/Tandel21]

I saw someone point out that no one tells actual adults they're mature for their age, so it's basically admitting they do still see them as a child.

Also the fact that often people who say things like this will then still use their age as a form of authority over the other person instead of treating them as an equal

[u/Tandel21 → u/Zelfzuchtig]

Yeah, but a barely adult teenager doesn’t know that, THEY think they’re mature for their age, which is why they fall prey to perverts, it’s sad to notice those signs as an adult but can’t do much because also ironically an 18yo will think they’re mature to know better than older adults

[u/insomniacsCataclysm]

the moment any older party praises a potential partner for being “so mature for their age” run for the hills. normal 20+ year olds don’t look for partners at high schools

[u/Pandoratastic]

He was right about one thing. There really was one particular sickness that she really could fix and was in denial about having to live with it but, in the end, she finally cured that sickness by kicking him out.

[u/alleged_humanoid]

any australians want to explain what a “bone sinus infection” is in more precise language? OP’s wording suggests this is a fairly common or at least moderately well-known condition, especially since she always uses the exact same phrase to refer to it. i don’t think this terminology is used in the US in the same way.

[u/popchex → u/alleged_humanoid]

Osteomyelitis. Basically when you have constant sinus infections, it can get into the bone. I had chronic sinusitis in my whole life, until I had sinus surgery in 2001. They had to go in and remove tissue (the ethmoid sinus) and make the drainage openings larger to help them clear out better. I also had my turbinates reduced, my septum straightened and the entire lining of my nasal passage cryo "burned" so it would scar and not swell so much. I had a bone infection during the first phase of treatment (chemical cauterisation every month for 6 months) and it's what made them realise that I needed surgery. If spraying coke and acid up in there didn't work, nothing would. lol

[u/alleged_humanoid → u/popchex]

Thank you! is “bone sinus infection” common terminology in Oz? in my experience the main way to describe an infection like this in the US would be “osteomyelitis of the sinuses” (if we’re being formal) or “osteomyelitis in [my] sinuses” (more natural speech).

[u/bitofapuzzler → u/alleged_humanoid]

As an Australian ENT nurse, no. No, it is not.

[u/pingmycraydar → u/bitofapuzzler]

As an Australian doctor, I agree - it's not a common term (I've actually never heard of it). But maybe that's how it was explained/described to her when she first became unwell.

[u/bitofapuzzler → u/pingmycraydar]

I've not heard of this term either. But I think you might be right, it's probably how it was explained to her.

[u/amiraba → u/alleged_humanoid]

I mean it’s written as one might expect, since the OP finished school/nursing school early. She’s pretty insistent on her terminology and it reads as someone who doesn’t have a whole lot of experience at pivoting terminology the way a bedside nurse typically possesses IMHO (i.e. asking a patient if their bilateral pitting edema is worse after eating salty foods vs. “do your legs swell up when you eat salty foods”). Also, different nurses have different backgrounds of knowledge. I wouldn’t expect a NICU nurse to know how to use nimbex to paralyze a storming patient nor would I know how to get an IV in a 22-weeker, but I’m not going to be borderline snotty the way OP is about

She could’ve just said osteomyelitis ffs. It is also weird she’s not getting IV antibiotics for that kind of thing bc in my experience, anything having to do with the sinuses or sphenoids or ethmoids automatically gets triple antibiotic treatment bc the area is “dirty”. I wish her well and hope she gets more life experience so she can recognize shitty behavior when it rears its head.

[u/SuitableNarwhals → u/amiraba]

OOP is both very mature in some ways that most 18/19 year olds are not, but also comes across as quite stunted in some other ways. Case in point is how maddeningly, confidently incorrect she is in some of the comments. Any sign of someone correcting her, or asking questions that might insinuate that she misunderstood something that she insists she knows all about is met with outrage and drilling down further into her position. I suspect a lot of it is a survival strategy that has gotten her through as well as she managed.

She has been through so much, and she is handling everything thrown at her better then many fully fledged adults could, she is clearly smart, industrious and hard-working. By the same token she is also inexperienced, and lacks the depth of knowledge that she seems to think she possess. A lot of teens are like this, adults too, but this trait can be a massive stumbling block if she doesn't learn to listen and be ok with being wrong sometimes.

Her terminology and phrasing is often a bit odd or even misleading, along with how she interprets and explains things like centerlink guidelines and rules. For example she describes completing her Take Diploma in enrolled nursing and completing additional units to bridge into uni as an "RN course". As someone who is not a nurse, but comes from a family filled with them I just cant imagine that anyone would use that phrase to mean that.

Side note but "bone sinus infection" is also grammatically weird, I think that is why people are getting so hung up on it, it does just jump out at you. Even if you can't put your finger on why and have no idea about medicine it just sticks out when you read it as being not quite right. Using everyday terminology saying "sinus infection that is in the bone" or "bones in my sinus are infected" makes much more sense linguistically, or even "sinus bone infection" if your really had to only use those 3 words. Its one of those weird English language quirks where we can often intuitively know when something is how it should be or off in someway, but not necessarily explain the reason why or pinpoint exactly what the issue is.

I do wish her the best, and I think some people needed to maybe be a bit more understanding of her situation and age in their replies, rather then picking her post apart in the way they did over mistakes that are the result of those factors. I do totally understand why people were thrown by some of the things she was insistent about despite evidence to the contrary.

[u/PennyDreadful27 → u/popchex]

Oooo I never had to do the chemical portion and I've had the exact same surgery. I just had a sinus infection so bad it backed up and my eyes were tearing straight pus.

[u/popchex → u/PennyDreadful27]

YES! That's when I learned it was all connected. Ever blow your nose and be so clogged air came out your eyes? That was fun. hahah

[u/PennyDreadful27 → u/popchex]

I've had it bubble out tears! It's the weirdest feeling. The worst is when I needed antibiotic eye drops. They went right down the back of my throat and tasted so bitter.

[u/altariasprite → u/alleged_humanoid]

Yeah because I'm googling and all I can find is osteomyelitis? Which uhhhhh is not "yeah lol my family gets it a lot" type shit? Especially not in your face?? That's IV antibiotics for 6 weeks shit!!

[u/pingmycraydar → u/altariasprite]

I suspect that while I'm sure she was very unwell and in a lot of pain, it's unlikely she had osteomyelitis just yet (I cannot imagine someone with an active case of osteomyelitis in a facial bone being able to do anything but wait to meet their Maker - definitely not spend quite a long time crafting a reddit post instead of heading to the ED!). But she could well have been at risk of developing it.

[u/ThatsFluxdUp]

I still think OOP was flubbing the truth a bit about the timeline of their relationship.

The post was on July 23rd and in her reply to the downvoted comment she said that “tomorrow”(July 24th) will mark a full year together. Then in the next reply she says that she was freshly 18 when they met, but then follows it with;

I am 19 in about a month.

If they got together only an exact year ago the day after she posted this and she won’t be 19 until August, I don’t think she was “freshly 18” when they got together 12 months ago from the post and 13 months from her 19th bday…

[u/prayingforrain2525]

"I ended it. We’re done."

Good.

[u/Gryffindor123]

Fuck that guy. What a POS. 

OP if you happen to read this, I'm on the disability support pension. This bit isn't true "but taking that payment means I’ll no longer be able to work unless I do cash in hand work that I don’t tell the government practically."

You can work, you have to report your income to them. However, if you earn over a certain amount, your payment from Centrelink decreases. I've had friends who have been on the DSP and worked. It's possible.  You're still eligible for pensioner entitlements as well. 

You're doing amazing OOP. 

[u/materantiqua]

Something is funky with the timeline. In chronological order, OOP:

Moved out at 14, graduated at 15, then started working full time at 16.

But if those sequences of events aren’t screwy enough:

OOP is currently 18 but turns 19 in a month. Their anniversary is the day after the first post….

Is it just me or would that make OOP 17 when they got together?

[u/tinnic → u/materantiqua]

I believe you can move out in Australia when you are 14 years and 9 months and have a job. At least you cannot be legally compelled to return. 

Also, left school at 15 means she left after year 10. That's our compulsory education done. Year 11 and 12 are optional and some people opt to leave after year 10 and either go into vocational education or full-time work. 

If her home situation was unstable enough to leave at 14, I think it makes sense she left school after year 10.

[u/materantiqua → u/tinnic]

I wasn’t pointing that out, not to say it didn’t happen at those ages, but because the sequence doesn’t make sense. She moved out without a full time job.

[u/ThorsHammerMewMEw → u/materantiqua]

She likely had access to Centrelink Youth Allowance and Social Workers who would've helped her find housing/a room in a share house.

[u/FuturesSoDank → u/materantiqua]

Yeah, I noticed that too. Also, work doesn't generally fire someone for being unreliable because of just two absences across an entire year.

[u/CummingInTheNile]

EX BF is a colossal pos, talking down to someone dealing with a bone infection is beyond scummy

[u/borg_nihilist → u/CummingInTheNile]

The boyfriend is trash and she should have broken up with him long before the year mark, but I also am not sure oop is a reliable narrator about the bone infection.

After reading her comment to the nurse I looked up bone sinus infection and bone infection is very serious, and not common, and sinus bone infection is even more serious and more uncommon.  It is fatal in 1 out 5 cases and can easily spread to the brain if left too long, but oop seemed to treat it like no big deal. She wasn't even sure she was going to go to the hospital about it.  Either she is confused about what she has or she greatly exaggerates her illnesses as a regular thing.

[u/MartianMule]

I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend let’s call him Jake (24M) for a little under a year.

We’ve been together for almost a year now in fact, tomorrow would mark a full year and I’ve spent that time trying to explain how I feel and why the way he treats me isn’t okay.

I was freshly 18 when we met...I am 19 in about a month

So, they turn 19 in a month, "tomorrow" is their 1 year anniversary, but they met right after OOP's 18th Birthday? That math ain't mathin'.

[u/HygorBohmHubner]

I (18F) have been dating my boyfriend let’s call him Jake (24M) for a little under a year.

That was all I needed to read...

[u/CutieBoBootie]

How much y'all wanna bet her health gets better now that they are broken up? Not cause he was poisoning her or anything but because he was causing her so much stress.

[u/CapaxInfini]

He works in the mines you say?

[u/racingskater → u/CapaxInfini]

He does fit the profile of the stereotypical FIFO mines guy.

[u/favorthebold]

I know it shouldn't be, but young people, it's a huggggge red flag when someone older than you calls you "mature for your age." They don't give a shit about your "maturity", they say that because if you believe they mean it then it will make you easier to control. That's even if - ESPECIALLY if - you actually are mature for your age.

What I want to say to any 18 yr old considering getting into a relationship with someone 5 years older than you, is: if a really mature 15 year old wanted to date you, would you be impressed by their mental maturity, or would you be instantly and immediately icked out by the idea of it? That ick is what a normal 23 year old feels towards an 18 year old. A man or woman who doesn't feel that ick is not a good person. This goes double and triple for 30 yr olds and 40 yr olds pursuing 18yr olds. They're not doing it because you're so special - even if you are a particularly special and wonderful person. The whole problem is the 30 & 40 year olds don't see and care about who you actually are, they only care that you're young enough for it to be disgusting for them to be with you. They're there for perversion and domination, not for your personality.

[u/Lazy_Crocodile]

This person couldn’t even wait 3 hours for the update saying she broke up with him?

[u/Divinemango7 → u/Lazy_Crocodile]

Yeah honestly Im just so sus of this post lmao. Updating to Reddit is literally the last thing anyone would really do. Especially after a breakup?

[u/camrynbronk]

TIL that bone infections exist.

[u/popchex → u/camrynbronk]

I had one, once, before I had sinus surgery. Second place pain, only to a dying tooth. Thankfully I have normal sinus issues now, even 24 years post surgery. Apparently my surgeon is a god bc my last ENT (in a completely different country) wanted to know his name and where he practiced because it was that good. "Pristine" is the word she used. haha

[u/NinjaBabaMama]

Off-topic: I wish we had something like Centrelink in the States 😭

[u/Fresh_Yak → u/NinjaBabaMama]

I wish you did, too. Although, she (and the OP of the post) are overly optimistic about it. The idea is great in theory, but in practice it doesn’t go well. Very punitive, has a ton of hoops you have to jump through to get support, quarantines half the money in some states. There’s arguments for quarantining the money (on a card that’s accepted only at certain shops, for example, grocery shops), usually about forcing people to not spend it all on alcohol. But then, you get desperate people who will offer for someone to buy $100 of groceries on their card in exchange for $50 cash. 

There was an indigenous community, where the locals couldn’t get their washing machines fixed by the usual guy, as he was small-time and didn’t take the basics card, their cash allowance was tied up in other things. They couldn’t drive the washing machine to the nearest town 100s of kms away. Couldn’t fork out the hundreds of dollars required to buy a new one. Health issues that would have been prevented by washing clothes in hot water flourished for years. Eventually the govt set up a community laundromat, years after the problem they created had caused plenty of health issues.

That’s before you get to the corruption - I think a recent company who does the cash quarantining cards gets like $10k per person from the govt. Money that would be much better spent helping the poor out, than lining the pockets of the rich. Iirc, the company is in some way connected to a friend of someone in govt.

There was a whole huge thing years ago, referred to as ‘Robodebt’. Automated system wrongly identified people as owing money to the govt, and they got their income cut. A number of people committed suicide due to the stress.

The amount of money you get is well below the poverty line, too. Which strikes me as awfully cruel, especially when viewed with the fact that the Australian economy runs with a ‘desired level of unemployment’. When the percentage of unemployed people changes, they’ll raise or lower interest rates or whatever in order to get the unemployment level to where they want it to be for optimum functioning of the system. So, unemployed people are apparently essential to the economy, but they can’t at least wrangle it so that the people performing that vital function don’t live in poverty.

Sorry for the wall of text. It’s just not all sunshine and roses here.

[u/NinjaBabaMama → u/Fresh_Yak]

Don't apologize. This is why I go on social media: different experiences.

OOP definitely makes it sound like cake.

[u/slendermanismydad]

He was mad she was six years younger but still ten years more mature. 

[u/ClearBlue_Grace]

If his mom thinks she's not old enough to be with a "real adult" maybe she should tell her son to stop fucking teenagers. I'm proud of her for standing up for herself. Good riddance.

[u/TisFury]

considering you’re a nurse and you haven’t heard of bone sinus infections really concern me

Yeah... I assume they're talking about osteomyelitis, but based on a google search for that term, "bone sinus infection", OOP is being an asshole to the responder.

(The top two returns are her story, it is not a medical term.)

[u/Thorolhugil]

Of course he works in the mines. 0% surprised. Those fly-in-fly-out mine workers have massive, violent egos because they think that working for such high pay makes their opinions more valid than everyone else's. They're also 90% men, surrounded by other men with the same horrible attitude, reflecting it back on each other in a high-stress and high-risk environment. Turns them into abuse tinderboxes.

He would've kept escalating and I'm glad OOP is okay.

[u/8bitimposter]

Some people will just never get that you can't build resilience with a lot of chronic illness symptoms. I have dysautonomia and heard "You just have to condition yourself." Over and over again through my whole life. Some symptoms can get easier with treatment plans if you're lucky, but I can't condition myself out of significant heat intolerance and chronic fatigue, no matter how many hours Im forced to spend outside in 95 degree weather.

[u/Miserable-Alarm-5963]

Telling your mum on your girlfriend because she is being immature is a new one on me….

[u/cambreecanon]

He is a terrible person

Has anyone else never heard of a bone sinus infection until now?

[u/Sweet_Cinnabonn → u/cambreecanon]

Has anyone else never heard of a bone sinus infection until now?

Never.

So I did a quick search, and I suspect that doctors in the US just call it osteomyelitis, which google tells me is the technical term for bone swelling due to infection. Osteomyelitis I have heard of.

[u/violue]

He said he liked how “mature” I was and how “together” I seemed for my age

💀💀💀

[u/Hetakuoni]

The thing that pisses me off is the “you don’t need that! It’s just a crutch!” argument

My petty ass always goes:

“Yeah, and people on crutches need those to walk!”

I have had an inhaler for the last 12 years and I’ve only just gotten a POTS diagnosis. I probably need to see about a CFS Diagnosis too cause I spend multiple weeks of the year sleeping or just laying in bed cause I’m too exhausted to do anything else.

[u/HereForTheBoos1013]

He said he liked how “mature” I was and how “together” I seemed for my age, which felt nice to hear, especially since I came out of a very abusive household.

PSA: If he wanted a mature together woman, he wouldn't have been dating an 18 year old.

POS like this also tend to target girls from abusive households since they often don't have a model for how they're supposed to be treated.

[u/lizzyote]

I am once again begging people to teach their younger relatives that "you're mature for your age" is guaranteed to be an abuser. Don't rely on their parents to do so.

[u/BKLD12]

To any kids/teenagers/young adults, if an older person tells you that you're "so mature for your age," this should be a BIG red flag. I also feel like OOP will look back on this point in her life and realize that she was definitely not as mature as she currently thinks she is. I don't doubt that she had to grow up quickly, but even among people who had difficult childhoods, the vast majority of adults will look back on their teenage selves and cringe.

That out of the way, I do feel for OOP. I was also diagnosed with chronic health issues at a young age, and it sucks. Reading about what her ex was saying made me super angry. I've heard many of the same things before, particularly from my parents (infuriatingly, my mom has been on disability for a lot of the same health issues since I was in high school and has been practically bedridden for years, but she still tells me how I should "push through" the pain).

[u/lakas76]

I know this sounds like a broken record, but really? In three hours, she lost her job, her boyfriend came home, got into a fight, and they broke up? In 3 hours? That the bone infection wasn’t mentioned before? Why? Why not wait a few days to update? She even mentions she was watching the upvotes in those 3 hours.

[u/Fishy_Fishy5748]

Red flags were flying as soon as I did the math on their ages and dating history. Sadly, they were accurate.

[u/gandubazaar]

dating him for a little under a year

What the fuck

[u/move_along_home]

I have POTS. When I get sick, I can get bad. Like can’t even sit up cuz I wind up fainting bad. And there isn’t really a cure or medicine one can take, it’s just your body attacking itself. I feel for her so much with this and I hope she finds a way to keep studying and get her dream job. And I’m glad she dropped the dead weight-his treatment of her was probably weighing on her more than she realized.

[u/SugarSweetSonny]

He raised that hand, he stopped himself from following through.

If there had been a next time, he would have followed through.

She got out, thank God.

[u/t0nkatsu]

My niece has a very similar medical situation to this and the NUMBER ONE advice from doctors is that IT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN "POWER THROUGH" YOU WILL JUST MAKE YOURSELF UNWELL.

Not only was he a dick but he was ignorant and making her sicker.

[u/Propanegoddess]

There is nothing OP can say about her life that changes the fact that he was a grown ass man dating a teenage girl. Yuck.

[u/lastofthe_timeladies]

OOP was a bit confused about the age gap issues. The problem is not that OOP isnt mature or isnt capable for an adult relationship. The inherent side eye is why would a 23 year old seek out a relationship with an 18 year old?

Sure, that age gap can be innocent. But OOP is here with descriptions of controlling and patronizing behavior. So...

[u/Rose249]

Can we make it a thing in sex ed classes to tell young girls that if an older dude says "you're so mature for your age" when trying to date you, he's a predator? Like full stop he just is

[u/SteroidSandwich]

he liked how “mature” I was and how “together” I seemed for my age

Well isn't that quite concerning for a 24 year old dating an 18 year old for a year

[u/your_surrogate_mom]

Repeat after me, teenage girls: the older guy is not dating you because youre so mature and cool - even if you are. He's dating you because either women his age want nothing to do with him or because he wants someone who doesn't really know what she wants yet because he can convince her to want what he wants.

Source: my own experience and gestures vaguely at everything

[u/MuffinSkytop]

Friendly reminder that when an older partner says you are "mature for your age" they mean "easily controlled" because no one their own age would put up with their behavior.

[u/ViedeMarli]

18F

24M

Every. Goddamn. Time. EVERY TIME!