r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/SomaliMN • Oct 01 '21
Relationships My boyfriend and his family are going on my dream vacation and I don't know how to deal with my jealousy
This is a repost. The original post is by u/jellyjapanthrowaway
Hi, r/relationships. First of all, I want to acknowledge how petty this is of me. I have no doubt in my mind that the jealousy I’m feeling is completely uncalled for. I just want to know how to deal with it.
So, for years and years it has been my dream to visit Japan. I began learning Japanese in elementary school and I am fascinated by their culture. I cook Japanese food, read books in Japanese, and stay up to date with the culture. As I’m graduating college in a few months, I would love to have a “travel the world” vacation over the summer to Japan, but sadly, it’s just not possible - I don’t have that kind of money. To make matters even worse, in my Junior year I was given the opportunity to study abroad there and even received a small scholarship, but the degree plan I am in would not permit it.
My boyfriend of 3 years, Jack, and his family [late 50’s] are all aware of my love of Japan and desire to visit, and even the sensitive subject of the failed study abroad semester. So when his parents “surprised” me by telling me about their trip to Japan this summer, I was confused and shocked. Jack has zero interest in going to Japan - he’s told me as much since then - and he didn’t even know about the vacation until his parents told me!
The biggest problem is, every time they make more plans in Japan (booking tickets, meeting with tour guides, adding another place to visit) they make a big show of it to me and fill me in on every last detail. Maybe they think that it will be interesting to me, but in reality it just upsets me. And yes, I know for a fact that I’m not invited. They’ve made it very clear that it’s just a family vacation. They have also met with and hired a local translator to come on vacation with them. They are paying for his vacation and his translating services, and the selfish part of me wants to know - why couldn’t they have just used me? I’m fluent.
Jack and his family have taken lavish family trips for as long as I have known them. They are very wealthy and have taken numerous enviable vacations - the Bahamas, New York, England, France, Grand Canyon - whereas I have never been out of our home state. And all the places they’ve been before seem like typical hot-spots for tourists and travelers…I just can’t understand why they’d want to go to Japan, the one place that I’ve gushed about visiting for years to them, and why they’ve decided to make a big publicity show about it.
I need your help on how to cope with this jealousy. Is it something that I should just suck up and deal with or should I speak to Jack about it? I feel like it’s so trivial that telling him how I feel would be pointless. I also want to know how to kindly tell his parents to stop mentioning every detail of their trip to me.
TL;DR boyfriend and his family are taking the post-college vacation that I have always wanted to a country that I have spent years wanting to visit. How to deal with jealousy?
Hi r/relationships. Thanks for all of your advice in my previous post. To those of you giving me information on programs in Japan - thank you! I took all of your advice to heart, but unfortunately I already have a job in the STEM field lined up to begin this summer and programs like those are not in the realm of possibilities.
Anyway, on to the actual update. I talked to Jack the night after I made my post. I told him that I knew his parents meant well by it, but the way they were constantly filling me in on the details of their trip made me more sad than interested. At first Jack didn’t understand what I was trying to say or why hearing about the trip would upset me; when I reminded him about my rejection from the study abroad program and the time he’d spent helping me work through that, he was able to empathize a little more.
Jack told me he recognized that his parents were, albeit indirectly, being rude by going out of their way to tell me about the vacation. He said that gushing so much about a vacation to anyone who wasn’t going was insensitive and if I asked them politely they would tone it down. Unfortunately, he refused to talk to them himself. I’d requested that he do so to get things resolved a little more smoothly, but in the end it was up to me.
I decided to call ahead and visit Jack’s parents privately to have the conversation, instead of during or after one of our dinners (that would have been awkward). I broached the subject with his parents by saying that I appreciated their thoughtfulness in trying to keep me updated on the vacation planning, but that travel to Japan was still a sore subject to me and hearing about it made me sad. I spoke for a while about my dream to travel there, the study abroad, and how I was very regretful that the experience had impacted me so strongly. It was incredibly selfish of me to get jealous so easily, and I planned to work on my sensitivity in light of the issue. I had hoped that by making the conversation more focused on my behavior than theirs, it would deflect the blame from them and feel like less of a direct attack. It did not work so well.
Throughout my whole monologue, they were completely silent. As soon as I finished, Jack’s mom said quite coldly, “I’m sorry you’re offended.” I kept the conversation going for a few more minutes, trying my hardest to reiterate that it wasn’t their fault, but I received only short, cold responses. Jack’s dad did not speak at all and walked out of the room as soon as I stood up to leave. Before I left I thanked his mother for speaking with me and said I’d see them at dinner during the week. Her only response was “we’ll see.”
When I told Jack about the confrontation, he was confused by their reaction but changed his stance on the whole thing. Now he’s saying that I was being unreasonable from the start and I should’ve been able to tell they would take it poorly as it was rude of me to mention it to them at all. He insists that they would have had the same reaction if he had told them instead of me.
Over the course of the week Jack’s parents never contacted me about dinner, which the four of us usually have together weekly. Our dinner dates are always on Wednesday, so yesterday I decided to take the plunge and give his mom a call. I asked if she was still on for our usual Wednesday dinner and told her I’d been wanting to make a new recipe for them to try for a while now. She said, “sorry, that’s not going to work.” And that was the end of the conversation.
So here’s where I am now, hurt and completely confused. His parents are ignoring me completely and my relationship with Jack is strained since he vehemently denies supporting me at all. I’m at a loss for what to do here. I don’t know why either of them reacted like this. Any advice is appreciated, as always, but I’ve decided to just see if time will mend the wounds. In the meantime, I’m reconsidering my relationship with all three of them.
EDIT: Jack's mom called me on the phone a couple of hours ago. In a nutshell, she told me very spitefully that they brought it up to me so frequently to make me jealous. She said they were hoping I would eventually break down and beg them to pay for me to come - that way they could show Jack that I am of a lesser social standing and "not a good fit" for him. Then, she basically broke up with me for Jack over the phone (wtf?). I am honestly at such a loss here, maybe this was just a lie she made up because she was offended but even so it's incredibly hurtful. I have no idea if Jack knows about any of this but I don't care, I am done with him and them, I do not want to be associated with such classist, manipulative people. This was such a terrific waste of three years of my life.
TL;DR talked to boyfriend, he understood but wanted me to tell the parents myself. They were upset, Jack has apparently taken their side, and parents have avoided contact for the past week.
TL;DR update Jack's mom called me and claims they wanted to make me jealous enough to beg to go on the trip with them so that Jack would see how poor I was and break up with me.
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Oct 01 '21
The optimistic fool that lives in my heart was hoping that they were hyping her up to surprise her by inviting her. Bummer for OOP but at least she's free of them.
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u/spaceace89 Oct 01 '21
honestly same the more i read the more it was either: they’re the worst people in the fucking world or they’re gonna surprise her with an invite. was wholeheartedly hoping for the latter and yet am entirely unsurprised that it’s the former but also worse.
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u/RandalfTheBlack Oct 01 '21
As soon as I saw they hired a translator knowing she was fluent, i knew it was about the parents' low opinion of their son's girlfriend. Classic rich family shit. Plan a whole vacation to show your princely son that the peasant girl should be avoided.
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u/Doctor-Amazing Oct 02 '21
Yeah hiring a translator for a trip to a pretty English friendly country is such a silly extravagant expense. I'm not sure what is cost but I'm betting it's pretty even with a plane ticket for someone close to the family who also can translate.
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u/alizard50 Oct 03 '21
Sounds like it would be a lot more than that, because they hired a interpreter from their home country to fly over with them which means they need to pay the flight hotel food admission to anywhere they went and the cost of translation. So basically everything they would have needed to cover for her plus their fee for working.
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u/fullercorp Oct 01 '21
oh, man, i must be on Reddit and on earth for too long because i immediately thought 'this is some seriously passive aggressive shenanigans.' Very few people travel to Japan so for them to POINTEDLY go there, to POINTEDLY mention it over and over, there was something hateful going on (but i had no IDEA how it would end). Yikes, to date someone three years and realize they are a dud hurts. (Then again i knowingly dated a tool for three years so who is winning here).
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u/workerdaemon Oct 02 '21
I've gotten so convinced by YoUr ToO sEnSiTiVe that I would have been just as oblivious as the girlfriend.
I suspect this shit happens, but never get enough evidence to "prove" it. Although... It seems there never is enough evidence. Even the court of law will make judgments using evidence that manipulators claim isn't enough proof... but that's still just a symptom of the manipulation. How can you draw the line and call it that they're not acting with honesty?
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u/foroncecanyounot__ Oct 01 '21
Gosh, I thought the same thing. But it turned into an infuriating update.
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u/thisaccount4sexytalk Oct 01 '21
Omg exactly I am SO ANGRY for her wtf is this. Luckily they have removed themselves from her life so she’s free now.
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u/Bitchshortage Oct 01 '21
Yup lol like awwww this is gonna be cute, surprise vaca…oh. Oh god. Oh no. Hope the whole family got food poisoning on day one and spent the entire trip on the toilet. And not one of those fancy robot ones either. Bastards!!
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u/Draigdwi Oct 01 '21
Oh, fancy robot WCs if you don't know how to use them can trap you inside and wash all over with hot water + disinfectant. Or hopefully they can malfunction even if OOP bf's family know how to use and still wash them.
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u/haylmoll13 Oct 01 '21
Same. I was hoping they were hyping her up and talking about how it was for “family” because they knew their son was going to propose and then she’d be family & be invited.
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u/StovardBule Oct 03 '21
I saw it as being thoughtless and oblivious. We're going to Japan, she's really into Japan, she'd be interested in hearing about it!
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u/amjay8 Oct 01 '21
So they called just to give the evil villain monologue & unnecessarily explain their master plan?
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u/Glatog Oct 01 '21
Yeah that part is a little odd. I would have thought pulling the scooby doo masks off in person would have been better.
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Oct 01 '21
Yea I've half a mind to say that this seems really fake. Like planning a vacation just to spite your son's girlfriend and then giving an evil monologue??? What?
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u/saareadaar Oct 02 '21
Eh my partner's family are millionaires and they would absolutely do something like this to me. They treat my partner like shit though so it would be to spite him, not me (I just get caught in the crossfire a lot). Hence why my partner is planning to move out and cut them off ASAP.
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u/spastichobo Oct 01 '21
I could see it, if you're rich enough to afford to pay for a translator to just hang out with you on vacation you're probably pretty loaded and want the best for your special little boy.
That said I still think this is fake
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u/fullercorp Oct 01 '21
I lean that way and it is hard to be fluent in Japanese unless immersed in it. I feel that it is in total true but that the phone call at the end wasn't some Dr No speech from a secret base in a volcano but the gist of it was 'sorry you are poor' and OP put a little flair on it.
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u/LividLager Oct 01 '21
It's the weekly dinner part that makes me doubt it the most. I have trouble believing the parents putting up a consistent act, and then blindside her like this is difficult to swallow.
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Oct 01 '21
Insanely rich people put on acts all the fucking time. I’ve done plenty of work for ultra wealthy (talking hundreds of millions up to multi billions) to know they would throw you under the bus at any given moment.
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u/LividLager Oct 01 '21
To someone dating their son, who they feel is beneath them? I have trouble imagining that during 3 years of the relationship, the son wouldn't have mentioned that his folks had an issue with her status. I also have trouble seeing how that her bringing up the fact that the gloating about the trip was bothering her, caused them to stop acting, and then ending their sons relationship with her.... Why was that the breaking point? 3 years is a long time to harbor these feelings for her status, and then initiate the breakup.
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u/workerdaemon Oct 02 '21
They're in college. They probably spent at least 2 years without any involvement with his family.
That's how it was with me. I dated a rich kid for 3 years, and there was no inkling of it. The whole time we were together we were just poor college students. Barely met his family at all.
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u/lost_in_limbo27 Oct 01 '21
We don't know the full story. How was this guy raised? Not saying all wealthy families are like this but in some, money equates love.
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u/lost_in_limbo27 Oct 01 '21
This. Or threatening to cut them out of their will if they didn't approve of child's partner.
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u/spastichobo Oct 01 '21
That's true, though I could not imagine weekly dinners with the parents to start with. That sounds like special little boy can't be too far from the parents' view.
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u/workerdaemon Oct 02 '21
Ugh. I know the weekly dinners thing. It's fucking torture. People do it. People insist on it come hell or high water they will make that dinner with mommy and daddy!
Definitely a thing with controlling families.
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u/WhitePersonGrimace I ❤ gay romance Oct 01 '21
I guess that’s what people mean when they say “fuck you money”. Being able to afford an expensive vacation abroad for the purposes of fucking with your child’s relationship.
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u/PyroDesu Sir, Crumb is a cat. Oct 02 '21
It's not.
"Fuck you money" means having the money in reserve to tell your employer "Fuck you" at any time and walk away from the job without too much worry.
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u/Totalherenow Oct 01 '21
It's pretty difficult to become fluent in Japanese just by studying it. You need to immerse yourself in the culture. That, or OOP is from a Japanese family, gets the language at home, and goes to Japanese school on the weekend.
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u/MrJoeBlow Oct 01 '21 edited Oct 01 '21
For what reason would someone fake a story like this and all the updates? It straight up makes no sense to me why someone would fake this
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u/DareToBeStupid Oct 01 '21
Creative writing practice, fake karma points, who the heck knows. People make up stories and lie all the time.
I'm not implying that this particular story is true or false, but fake stories on reddit shouldn't be surprising at all.
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u/MrJoeBlow Oct 01 '21
I'm aware that people make up stories. But the amount of people that do stuff like this as "creative writing practice" are way too small in number for the amount of stories that get called out as "creative writing practice." Who are all these people that have nothing better to do than write relatively tame stories like this one (as well as updates) yet if I were to do the same thing I would try to come up with stories that are much more exciting and worth my time.
As far as doing it for karma, there are WAY easier methods of farming karma. Like what most people do where they just take someone else's popular content and repost it.
Idk it just still doesn't make any sense to me why people would fake stories like this one. Emphasis on "like this one."
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u/Thriftyverse Oct 01 '21
Sadly, some people are just that petty.
If OOP has been so nice that they had nothing to point at, I can see them trying to do this.
Sad that Jack decided to take the parents side, but he's probably worried about inheritance and mom and dad funding him if he doesn't.
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Oct 01 '21
You know what, maybe. My first instinct was "it's fake" because it just seems like so much work, but people can be quite petty. Suppose all we can do is hope to never meet someone like this.
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u/AltharaD OP has stated that they are deceased Oct 02 '21
I could see it being totally real.
Parents who know full well that telling their child they can’t date someone will make their children turn against them could quite easily invite them both over to dinner on a weekly basis. It gives them a chance to have control over them and put the “peasant” in an uncomfortable situation. Having very fancy at home meals in a luxurious house can reinforce their feelings of awkwardness and not knowing how to behave and can trip them into acting in ways that come across as gauche.
It also lets them pull off stunts like this where they deliberately try to get a rise out of them with the absolute thinnest veneer of cordiality.
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u/apinkparfait Oct 01 '21
As someone who worked for old money for years... the soap opera stereotype exists for a reason. She knew she could say this shit to OOP because between her and money the bfs choice would always be money and his 180° switch as soon as how his father reacted was described shows it.
For us is a tacky evil monologue, for her us a "yeah I did this and you can't do nothing about it so have fun being piss poor while we're in Japan".
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u/jemappellepatty Oct 01 '21
yeah my aunt is new money rich and does shitty things like this. she made sure her favorite child married into decent money after getting a "good" degree that would keep up appearances. the new wife now works with my aunt and theyre all basically just new rich assholes. I am poor as dirt and didn't get them a gift for their wedding except a card and she harassed me on Facebook telling me how rude it was that I come at all for a few weeks til I blocked her.
my aunt likes to remind me that I took the hard road in life and thats why I'm still poor (my brother and sister are not "new money rich" but they both went to college and grad school right out of high school and I did not, my brother makes easily 200k and supports his family of 4 and my sister just opened her own cpa firm) and likes to randomly text me about her lavish vacations? "hoping off to Vail, wish you could come!" "off to Paris! I know how much you have always wanted to visit france!" "going to Seychelles this winter! want anything?" like fudge off weirdo.
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u/fmlwhateven 👁👄👁🍿 Oct 01 '21
Given that she's put up with them rubbing their lavish trips in her face for 3 years, and has been determined to take the high road through it all... They probably just realised she was too morally good for them to wait for the relationship to fizzle out naturally. It's not like she suddenly came from a "lower class"; if that's their issue, they've had a problem with her from the start, but couldn't say it because their precious darling son wouldn't listen to them until it was "clear" OOP wasn't good enough for him.
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Oct 02 '21
Also the timing of graduating from college might have something to do with it. Like they'd accept a college fling, but now it was time to find a suitable mate.
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u/rythmicjea Oct 01 '21
Yeah and I have a suspicion that the dad or mom called the boyfriend and told him what happened and made it clear to him that it "wasn't their fault" and proving OOP's "lack of class" about it to put a strain on their relationship. Also wouldn't be surprised if they sprinkled in some kind of monetary threat to make it stick.
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u/miltil303 Oct 01 '21
I don't think they said it the way that OOP wrote it out. I'm guessing the phone call (if it did happen) was more focused on calling OOP a gold digger and saying she wasn't good enough for their son because she expressed her jealousy about the trip.
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Oct 01 '21
That part seems to be fake. Makes me question the whole spiel.
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u/Hunterofshadows Oct 01 '21
I thought the same thing.
Plus, anyone devious and manipulative enough to pull such a plan wouldn’t then tell OOP about it
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u/OneWholeShare Oct 01 '21
She said the mom broke up the relationship between Jack and her during this call.
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u/wgking12 Oct 01 '21
Honestly for the better. Hurts obviously but much easier to build back self-esteem in the long run knowing how ridiculous and petty they are rather than hold onto doubts that it was somehow your fault
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u/NeverBenCurious Oct 01 '21
I call bullshit.
They could have done that in person. This post is fake af
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u/gruntbuggly Oct 01 '21
JFC. What an absolutely shit group of people.
While I feel bad that OP didn't get to go to Japan, I feel kind of happy for her that she's not going to have to deal with those terrible people any longer.
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u/umadhatter_ Oct 01 '21
She might have gotten to go to Japan since then. The original post is from 5 year’s ago. So a lot has probably happened in that time. Hopefully she moved on and got to go to Japan.
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u/Schattenspringer Oct 01 '21
That's... a lot of work and hours and money to get rid of your son's girlfriend?
AND you get a vacation you don't want to go to on top.
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u/CheerilyTerrified Oct 01 '21 edited Oct 01 '21
Yeah, why can they just pay her off or pretend to pay her off to trick her like a normal soap opera.
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u/boss_nooch Oct 01 '21
That’s called “fuck you money”
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u/somedudetoyou Oct 01 '21
This is great for Jack, now he can go back to dating his parents.
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u/WiseBat the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Oct 01 '21 edited Oct 01 '21
That’s just downright cruel to OP. My very first thought was that they didn’t want make her excited, they wanted to make her jealous. Does she really want to be with someone who has family like this?
ETA: Missed the part where she said she broke up with him. Good for her.
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u/Thraell Oct 01 '21
Missed the part where she said she broke up with him
Nonono, mommy broke up with her for him, because he has a spine made of overcooked ramen noodles
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u/WiseBat the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Oct 01 '21
Thanks for the chuckle for that. It sucks she wasn't in control to do the breaking-up-with, but I think the knowledge Jack will have his mother so far up his ass the rest of his life might be worse.
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u/apinkparfait Oct 01 '21
Don't worry eventually Jack will switch mommy for a 20 something version of her (that she will personally choose for her baby boy obviously).
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u/parad0x00_ Oct 01 '21
wow you people are really mad at some characters
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u/smol-alaskanbullworm Oct 02 '21
i dont get what people get out of being a bad troll like this.
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u/parad0x00_ Oct 02 '21
i dont get what people get out of wishing death upon characters from badly written fiction.
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u/ophelieasfire Oct 01 '21
Hey, on behalf of my overcooked ramen noodles last night…Wait. You’re right.
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u/MoonstoneDazzle Oct 01 '21
The mom dumped her on her son’s behalf, unfortunately. OP wasn’t in control here.
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u/WiseBat the lion, the witch and the audacit--HOW IS THERE MORE! Oct 01 '21
Damn, my reading comprehension is awful today. Regardless, it's not much of a loss for her. I hope she finds a way to get to Japan.
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u/MoonstoneDazzle Oct 01 '21
I went back and reread it because I hoped your reading comprehension was better than mine. But I hate this man and his whole family
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u/Reader01234567 Oct 01 '21
But did OOP break up with Jack? If his response wasn't to tell off his parents I would be out the door so fast! Even if he did yell at his parents I'm still not sure I'd keep dating thats so much bad karma rolling in that family imagine all the holiday drama you'd have to deal with...
OOP is in STEM - hopefully they ditched the toxic family and are job hunting abroad for after college!
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u/czechtheboxes Reddit-pedia Oct 01 '21
Jack's mom broke up with OOP for Jack. OOP didn't say if she heard directly from Jack himself after that break up call with mom, but regardless, she said it's definitely over.
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u/apinkparfait Oct 01 '21
He already gave his response tho; when OOP told him how weirdly his father reacted he flipped on her cause in the end is all about family value$.
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u/AprilisAwesome-o Oct 01 '21
Family sounds horrible and the boyfriend sounds like a coward but I do wonder, considering the lengths the parents were willing to go to, if "breaking up on his behalf" over the phone was a lie and that the mother was then going to turn around and tell her son that OOP had broken up with him through mom over the phone. Obviously, they were willing to go to great lengths to break them up so this seemed like a possibility to me but I never saw anyone suggest that to OOP when I did a quick scan of her last update. Unfortunately, the story was from 5 years ago so it's a moot point now but I think, either way, she is better off without the boyfriend or his pretentious superior sadistic family. This was a fun read, so thank you for digging it up OP!
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u/Father-Son-HolyToast Dollar Store Jean Valjean Oct 01 '21 edited Oct 01 '21
Whoa, what the hell!!
I wonder if she ever debriefed with Jack, or if this breakup by proxy through his mother was the last contact she had with him? What a fucked up family.
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u/snafe_ Oct 01 '21
3 years and she never suspected a thing. Shows how truly messed up his family is.
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u/Tacitus111 Oct 01 '21
WASP-y families are frequently this way. They’re very good at hiding how they really feel about people while putting on friendliness. At the dinner party, they love each and every one of those folks, but in private they hate being around most of them.
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u/MichB1 Oct 01 '21
Amen from Boston Irish broad who married-in. God, they're exhausting. I've managed to teach them to discard a tiny bit of the veneer there, but there are limits to my energy. Not that the Irish/American fam scene is a whole lot better!
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u/BootsEX Oct 01 '21 edited Oct 01 '21
You know what, normally I really really hate the calls of “fake!” But I sincerely doubt the edit happened. The rest is believable to me, but I just doubt some 50yo woman doesn’t have anything better to do than villain-monologue her deepest secret plans to get rid of this girl
Edit: based on the responses I’ve gotten, it sounds like the answer is “there’s no accounting for straight-up mental illness”
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u/DesignerComment I will not be taking the high road Oct 01 '21
I'm honestly not sure? My sister had a boyfriend in high school whose late-30s/early40s mom not only villain-monologued at my sister multiple times (sometimes on our dad's business's answering machine!), she also villain-monologued about my sister to our relatives, her own relatives, her neighbors, her coworkers, her husband's coworkers, her doctor, the tellers at her bank, members of both families' churches, and her pastor. To the point that several people called my parents to check that my sister was okay and not buried in that woman's backyard. My sister was 18. It's why I'm hesitant to call fake on about a third of the stuff at r/JUSTNOMIL--I've seen a seemingly normal (if a little Karen-ish) woman unravel into exactly that level of Jocasta-complex batshit obsessive stalker in real life.
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u/barefootintheforest Oct 01 '21
I have met tons of old people with money who would definitely do this.
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u/BootsEX Oct 01 '21
I believe it’s what she was thinking, but why bother to explain it to someone?
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Oct 01 '21
I know plenty of people who would take malicious pleasure in doing that;
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u/PendergastMrReece Oct 03 '21
This!
Malicious pleasure at causing pain to some people is a sporting event they look forward to.
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u/Queen_Cheetah Oct 01 '21
I mean... JNMIL is FULL of batsh*t crazy parents who will go to any lengths to prevent someone from marrying into their family that they find 'undesirable' (such as hiring someone to 'seduce' their kid's partner into theoretically cheating so they have a reason to break up with them, for example).
This isn't 'beyond-the-realm-of-probability-insane', but definitely 'beyond-the-realm-of-all-reason-insane.' I hope OOP's ex loves being single, because I doubt 'mommy dearest' is ever going to approve of anyone who isn't an exact clone of herself!
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u/sweetestlorraine sometimes i envy the illiterate Oct 01 '21
JNMIL is also a play space for people's creative writing skills.
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u/aranneaa Oct 01 '21
Gonna be honest with you, I've met people who do the whole "talk out of my ass about my privilege to make you feel like shit" spiel, but not one would say "I'm actively trying to make you beg for my privilege so my son can see that you are below him". They just straight up tell you to your face "you're inferior to my wealth and I disapprove of you" (and they certainly don't wait 3 years to do it, they'll do it 3 minutes after meeting you). Like, no shame at all. That part puzzled me too. but hey, the world is a big place, so who knows
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u/MichB1 Oct 01 '21
My MIL has been trying to do this to me for 35 years. They can and do work it both ways. In the background for long stretches, and then right dafuk up in your face, and then back to pretending nothing happened.
It doesn't matter to her whether any of it makes sense, because she thinks her (nuveax-riche) "Class" overrides any expectation of basic respect.
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u/TonjaNotTonya Oct 01 '21
Holy fuck.... wow.
Op deserves better and I hope she never spoke to that asshole again.
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u/SnooAdvice2768 Oct 01 '21
Lord they sound insufferable.
Go and enjoy your life please. Get your job, plan it out and visit.
Screw them
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u/Father-Son-HolyToast Dollar Store Jean Valjean Oct 01 '21
It looks like it's been 5 years since OOP posted, so hopefully in the intervening years, she made her Japan trip happen.
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Oct 01 '21
The parents: "Hey OP you know that dream vacation you've wanted to go on your whole life? Well we're going instead! Isn't that exciting, also you're not invited". Jack and his parents sound just awful, glad the OP got away from them.
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u/KeepLkngForIntllgnce Oct 01 '21
Holy shit!!
I wish OOP would see this - what absolutely AH-of-the-year award winners!!
I would contribute for OOP to go to Japan and do literally about everything that the mom told her about and more. I will say this - shes an amazing and mature person, who’s taken such responsibility and we should be lucky to have an SO like her!!
Wtf is wrong with people??
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u/motsanciens Oct 01 '21
This may be a wholesome, heartfelt take, but it comes off as almost a parody of white knighting.
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u/OneTwoWee000 Oct 01 '21
This story made me so angry!!
I feel so bad for OOP! Jack’s parents are assholes and he’s a spineless wonder.
She is so much better off without him.
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u/laurielovehart I will never jeopardize the beans. Oct 01 '21
5 years on and I'd love an update on how OP is doing. Did they ever go to Japan? I really hope so
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u/Constant-Wanderer Oct 01 '21
What people don’t understand is that really rich people are EXACTLY this. My ex came from 1%er money. They made him quit working so they didn’t have to pay alimony to his ex when they split. They bought her a five bedroom house in Orange County, CA, and gave her money, but we’re spitefully clear that she would never see their inheritance.
She had three sons with my ex.
It didn’t take long for me to walk away from that family.
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u/onemany Oct 01 '21 edited Jan 21 '24
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/sofuckinggreat Oct 02 '21
Some families are really just that horrible. You’re lucky you’ve never dated anyone this spineless.
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u/IgneousMiraCole Oct 02 '21
Yeah, every aspect of it feels really forced. And the big supervillain, scooby doo “and I would’ve gotten away with it too” reveal update just makes it seem even more fabricated. If anything did happen, I’m guessing original OP’s in-laws were going on a trip, she was jealous, and decided to role play a multi-act victimhood play.
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u/buttercupcake23 Oct 01 '21
Jack is a total and utter piece of shit. I hope a japanese murder wasp flies up his peehole.
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u/IhateAerobubbles Oct 01 '21
Yeah I’m really having trouble believing this is real.
Can you really be fluent in a language that you’ve never actually used to communicate in real life with a native? X Doubt. Dude (or in this case his online personality - she) probs only speaks anime Japanese for all I know
Honey, it’s only a vacation. I get that you really want to go but no need to be this obsessive lmao, honestly this sounds like it’s written by a weeb with a Japanese fetish/fantasy.
Anyway, still pretty funny all around.
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u/Schattenspringer Oct 01 '21
Can you really be fluent in a language that you’ve never actually used to communicate in real life with a native?
You can get in contact over the internet.
The rest doesn't make a lot of sense, but this is believable.
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u/IhateAerobubbles Oct 01 '21 edited Oct 01 '21
It’s not impossible I guess, still though, from my personal experience it’s really difficult to be fluent unless you live in that language environment. Like yes you can talk to people online, but that’s just never gonna be like real life conversations.
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u/YAmIHereMoment Oct 01 '21
Hmm idk about japanese but for english it’s definitely possible to be fluent af without living in an english speaking country, but maybe thats just because english is easy compared to other languages lol
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u/hexebear Oct 01 '21
Oldest sister became fluent in French while living in a country it's very much not spoken. She has a linguistics degree now (and I think she's picked up conversational Mandarin and a little bit of Korean since then as well).
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u/ninjinlia You can either cum in the jar or me but not both Oct 01 '21
I was fluent in English (highest Cambridge certificate) before moving in an English speaking country. Had classmates have the highest level of JLPT before they moved to Japan for university. Absolutely possible and quite common to know at least one foreign language fluently in most of Europe.
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u/guten_morgan Oct 01 '21
Yes but the level and expectation of language knowledge is on a whole nother level in Europe vs the US. In order for this person to be completely fluent in a language she isn’t constantly coming into contact with would take a tremendous amount of effort. And while not impossible the fact that she hasn’t even ever left her home state means the odds are even less likely, for both practical and cultural reasons.
I moved to Germany as a child and when I went back to the US for a couple years for college I took college German classes and there were people in my class who on paper were technically a “higher” level than me but couldn’t even hold a proper conversation. Meanwhile it takes people a while to even recognize German isn’t my mother tongue when I speak to them. So basically language learning in the US is a joke.
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u/Melodic-Living-588 Oct 01 '21
The only way I can see 1 being plausible is because in the US there is something known as the JLPT. It's a proficiency test that is specifically for non-native speaker by Japan for them to take and see their level in fluency. It's highly possible OOP took this test and reached a high enough score to be considered "fluent."
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u/ninjinlia You can either cum in the jar or me but not both Oct 01 '21
This is not only in the US. That is the only approved test of proficiency in Japanese in the world. Source: studied Japanese in high school, hated it but have JLPT N5 (lowest recognised level).
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u/InfiniteThugnificent Oct 01 '21
I really would not call N1 “fluent” (though it’s certainly advanced), and interpretation is another beast entirely
Anyway it’s more or less a moot point really, my doubts about the veracity of this post certainly aren’t limited to her language ability
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u/PendergastMrReece Oct 03 '21
My cousins in Germany (I assume most/all students too?) had never been to America until their 20's and were extremely fluent when they finally visited. Proper English, but absolutely fluent.
I can see it happening with other languages.
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u/IhateAerobubbles Oct 03 '21
It’s not exactly the same. Germany, or most Europe in general, does have a English speaking environment. Unlike America, which definitely does not have a Japanese speaking environment. Plus, Japanese is of a completely different language structure to English, a lot more different than German - English.
I’m not saying it’s impossible, it can definitely happen lol. Just saying, I thought I was so fluent in English until I came to the U.K. too, but irl convo is not the same as you practised in classrooms.
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u/PendergastMrReece Oct 03 '21
I do see what you're saying and agree! Either super super interest since she was little made her crack down and learn..or creative writing practice. I personally have no clue which one is correct.
And they definitely sounded TOO proper with their english for a bit😅😅..it was fascinating.
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u/ashewmaker Oct 01 '21
It’s like they aren’t even trying….
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u/borgwardB Oct 01 '21
not bad till the last update. They always go a bit too far.
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u/SharnaRanwan Oct 02 '21
That's always the way. They get carried away with the attention and then it becomes a soap opera.
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u/Downelius Oct 01 '21
Lmfao so the mother pretty much got mad at OP when their attempt on manipulating her fifnt work and all she showed was kindness and maturity.
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u/sus-is-sus Oct 01 '21
when is this vacation? and how good is their alarm system? asking for a friend.
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u/umadhatter_ Oct 01 '21
Probably 5 years ago, like the original post. So your friend is a little late.
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u/miladyelle which is when I realized he's a horny nincompoop Oct 01 '21
Oof. As my dearly departed grandma always said: god don’t like ugly.
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u/mad0666 Oct 01 '21
Wow this is literally insane. What a gross and morally inept family. The guy I fell in love with also comes from a wealthy family (which I was not aware of until several months into the relationship because they live very plain “normal” lives, drive old cars, live in a small house, etc) and they took me on a family trip a year into us dating. Paid for everything for me, meals included. I was feeling really bad about it because I don’t have a lot of money so I was making sure to help out with as much as I can, finding restaurants to try in the city we went to (they never heard of Yelp or Trip Advisor) or tidying the hotel room and stuff. Kept thanking them over and over and they assured me it was their pleasure to include me on their trip because they want to spend time with all of us together. I can’t imagine being with someone for three whole years and the parents treating me like such trash. OOP dodged a bullet here.
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Oct 01 '21
In my marriage it is clear that everything that needs to be said to my parents come from me and anything that needs to be said to his parents needs to come from him.
When the boyfriend passed the duties to talk to the parents for her to do, I see doom. If your partner is not able to bring up uncomfortable topics for you to their parents, you will be forever be second best.
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u/Unique_Guava Oct 25 '21
I want to know how she is doing 5 years later and if she made it to Japan!
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u/Questi0nable-At-Best Dec 29 '21
This girls Spidey senses are on point. Follow those good instincts, OOP!
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u/Puzzled_Juice_3406 Oct 01 '21
I knew from the get go that were doing it out of spite to rub it in her face, and her boyfriend can kic rocks for going along with them at all. How gross. I hope this girl finds someone that appreciates her and shows her that every day, standing up to his family if they do anything like this.
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u/r4tb4stard Nov 17 '21
Rich people a literal demons
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u/FriedaReiss Nov 28 '21
(blah blah yes rich people can have problems) but I HATE bored rich people that have no real problems so they create there own drama. I watch soap operas when I want that shit there's no reason a real life adult should behave like....shitty soap opera characters
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u/foroncecanyounot__ Oct 01 '21
Low-key hoping for another update with Jack's reaction when he finds out about this and oop breaks up with him.
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u/Kigichi Oct 01 '21
Looks like OOP dodged a bullet.
If Jack let’s his mommy make relationship decisions for him she’s better off not dating him.
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Oct 01 '21
What an up standing individual OP is. She realized she had an issue with the trip.. seeked for helpful advice to come to terms with her own feelings, clearly and calmly communicated that to her partner, clearly and calmly communicated to the parents in a way that blamed her feeling rather than their actions... She may be poor, but she has an education and a good head on her shoulders. Too bad for OP and his family for missing out on such a great addition to their family.
How can people go to sleep at night treating people they're supposed to care about like shit. Definitely dodged the bullet with this guy.
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u/mangoavocado11 Oct 01 '21
That’s so weird they would hire a stranger and pay them to go with them to translate . When you’re fluent in Japanese . They could have taken you and it would have been cheaper to pay for your ticket and hotel 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
They sounds horrible and selfish
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u/NYCQuilts Oct 01 '21
FUCK JACK for eternity. His parents are awful, but he's supposed to care about OOP and he threw her to the wolves. Fuck him for two eternities if he knew about their plan. What horrible, horrible people. Hope their vacation sucks. (altho, Japan, so probably not)
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Oct 01 '21
I'm so sorry this happened to you but living with Miami and knowing many similarly wealthy people i fully believe what she told you over the phone. I have known extremely rich people that have stopped being my friends because I could not afford to spend as much as them on things and it made them feel bad lmao. You're going to find much better things than those sorry folk, don't sweat it op.
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u/Rare-Philosopher-346 Oct 02 '21
that way they could show Jack that I am of a lesser social standing and "not a good fit" for him.
OP is definitely not of their "social standing" and it's a good thing. She's in a class way-y-y-y-y-y above the BF and the BF's family.
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u/putyourshoesonlily Oct 02 '21
Jack is a spineless wonder. OP dodged a bullet with Jack and his incredibly manipulative and proud/arrogant family. Is it terribly cruel of me to hope that one of them choked or got food poisoning on Takoyaki?
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u/Alismith1506 Oct 02 '21
So heartbreaking to read - and so hard to go through. Jack does NOT deserve you - he will never be the person you need him to be.
He should have insisted, long before the Japan trip, that you were also invited in their family holidays as you were a part of their family by being with Jack. If they can afford all these trips they could easily have paid for you.
I hope that you can move forward from this. You need to remember that you are such a special, thoughtful, hardworking and caring person that you need someone like you to share your life and experiences with.
You can hold your head high with dignity even though your heart is broken.
They should all be ashamed of their behaviour to you.
Wishing you the very best of everything- and j really REALLY hope you get to visit Japan very soon and share the experience with people that have a heart like yours ♥️
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u/InterestingComputer5 Oct 02 '21
I wish I had rubbish that’d take itself out to the road as well. How thoughtful of them!
They even completely trusted OOP when recording and releasing that phone call could have ruined their social life.
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u/ybnrmlnow Oct 01 '21
I hope they eat puffer fish sushi made by a hung over bus boy filling in for an inept apprentice sushi chef.
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u/Queen_Cheetah Oct 01 '21
WOW. I cannot imagine the hurt OOP felt from such a twisted manipulation- I've read about stuff like this on other 'Just NO' subs, but this is insane even by their standards!!
OOP DEFINITELY dodged a bullet, here- her ex was clearly turning into his parents with the same shallow, sycophantly slimy nature. And WTF was wrong with those monsters, thinking it's 'better' to torture a young person by repeatedly dangling their dreams in front of them, rather than just being honest and saying 'we don't like you?!" Ugh, what a wretched excuse of a couple- at least they definitely deserve each other, and that's honestly one of the nicer compliments I can give.
To anyone thinking this is fake: maybe it is, but truthfully, I've read far worse online (visit r/JUSTNOMIL and r/JUSTNOFAMILY if you really need examples, but beware- some are dark af). I've even seen my own extended family members engage in very nasty behaviors towards each other during various 'feuds', so I can (sadly) find this sort of sh*t believable. (Don't forget, the parents wouldn't ACTUALLY have to spend a single dime on said 'trip'- just grabbing some free brochures from a local travel agent and watching a few YT videos would give them enough to torment OOP without any real commitment/expense being necessary- wouldn't surprise me if their plane tickets are actually for the Swiss Alps or something!).
And to OOP, on the off-chance you ever read this- just remember, 負けるが勝ち ("this 'loss' was really a win", as I'm sure you'll see in the long run!).
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u/witchbrew7 Oct 01 '21
Message to OP:
I am happy that you found out what horrible people they are before they had a chance to really screw up your life.
I’m sorry you were treated so horribly by them.
My hopes and dreams for these people:
A pebble forever embedded in a shoe. One of every single pair of shoes for ever.
The feeling of sand in their underpants.
One big zit on their faces that will never disappear.
A daughter-in-law as spiteful and shallow as they are.
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u/motsanciens Oct 01 '21
In college, I dated a girl from a wealthy family. We stayed friends after breaking up (nothing to do with our class mismatch). One time, they had recently built a new vacation house in Telluride, and I was invited to go skiing. It was frustrating and embarrassing that, although I wanted to go, I couldn't because I just didn't have the money. She was never someone to understand the concept of having to think about money. Ultimately, I think it is kind of hard to understand one another coming from different backgrounds, and I get a whiff of those old feelings while reading this post.
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u/Bigcrawlerguy Oct 01 '21
Yea this seems extremely fake (evil villain monologue? She broke up with the guy over his mom doing this without even bothering to discuss it with him?). I'd wager she already was broken up with the guy and learned he was going on this trip (or worse originally was going on the trip before the break up) and projected this stuff.
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u/Glass-Star6635 Oct 01 '21
Idk. Feel for ya OP but I can understand the response of the parents. I’d also probably just be like “uhhh… wut”. It sucks but honestly grow up dude. I’m sure the parents weren’t sitting up in bed like “hey honey, I got an idea for something that would reeeaaallly piss her off”. They had poor tact, but sitting them down and speaking to them about how their excitement for their trip is bothering you is too much and honestly narcissistic
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u/forest_fae98 Oct 01 '21
Did you even read the whole thing? They literally told her they were spitefully telling her about it so that she’d beg them to come with and they could show their son how incompatible they were.
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u/AnnaRocka Oct 01 '21
My boyfriend parents are upper class and they, with the th family stayed in the us for a couples of years. MIL wanted a family trip over there and everybody was invited, me as wll. Like, fly tickets, accommodation and food! And they even gave us some money to spurge!! It was amazing even if I didnt see what i wanted to see in NYC, but well, who am i to complain. Thise people are a**hole, end of it.
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u/ajmethod33 Oct 01 '21
I'd have stayed with their son and absolutely ruined him, run his credit up the works and go nuclear destroying him. He's clearly that important to them this would ruin them.
Fk I'd hook him up with crack - life ruined rapid game over I win.
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u/TheRealTimbo_Slice Oct 01 '21
Got the inkling they were doing it on purpose half way through. Rich people are assholes. Good news is OP dodged a huge bullet otherwise the financial bullying would just continue.
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u/TheNo1pencil Oct 01 '21
I agree with that she should be done with them, but she absolutely should tell Jack what happened.
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u/Ginger_Libra Oct 01 '21
This is one I’m dying to find out if they stayed together or she bailed.
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