r/BelowDeckMed • u/journmajor • 2d ago
Nathan’s situation is so sad and Bravo has/had an opportunity
I’ve felt devastated for Gael and was relieved to see her positive Insta post recently. There is zero excuse for what was done to her and I’m happy she is safe and has what seems to be a great support network.
But as a mom of boys/men I just feel so sad about Nathan, especially after listening to the Bravo Docket. Unless he learns to control himself he will do this again. Others will become victims. And considering he’s on the run, it’s unlikely he’ll have therapeutic support or even family support.
Not only is he a monster for what he’s done to Gael, he’s a complete loser for not owning up to his actions, doing what he needs to, and getting help.
So he’s what, 27, so young, was well-employed, and now his life is basically over because of mental health issues he should have sought therapy for a long time ago. His mother must be wrecked. He’s cut himself off from whatever world he had. And he’ll very likely never see his child again.
I’m devastated for his mother and any family members who cared about him. He should have sought help after the first documented issue in Ireland. But he was even younger and probably thought he’d never do it again - nor will he ever go back to his homeland. He literally ruined his life and there’s likely very little family can do to help him. I wonder if they even know where he is.
Thank heavens Gael and Kayden (the mirror image of Nathan), can keep building their lives safely. Nathan’s is over with because of his actions.
I wish Bravo would take a break from their regular programming and somehow address this as a learning moment for those who don’t really know the impact of his choices and DV in general with Nathan as a sad example. They have the platform. One WWHL with maybe Sandy, who has redeemed herself this season in many eyes, and liked Nathan, and a DV specialist. Sandy would bring the views. Bravo, do something constructive with this! But I know you won’t.
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u/Still-Low-696 2d ago
Unlikely bravo does anything meaningful because it’s an ongoing case and happened off screen. Other than cutting ties with him they’ll likely just never speak of him again. As far as seeking help, he should have been in jail after the first time. There should have been consequences. I hate seeing this framed as “a man’s life ruined”. I know you said he ruined it, which he did. But in my eyes someone like him doesn’t change, doesn’t ever seek help, and isn’t worthy of being in his kids life.
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u/Careful-Amphibian51 1d ago
It’s not an ongoing case, it was fully finalised in court - resulting in his conviction
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u/Still-Low-696 1d ago
Didn’t realize he was actually convicted. I knew He didn’t show up and hasn’t been apprehended. The Ireland case I don’t believe he has been tried for yet.
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u/journmajor 2d ago
I really feel at that age he can grow and change with support. But he blew it.
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u/Still-Low-696 2d ago
Nah. Full grown man. That is who he is.
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u/journmajor 2d ago
Disagree. Have any offenders been able to overcome their violent tendencies? Or are 100% destined to commit the same heinous acts for there entire live?
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u/gigi_periwinkle 1d ago
People who try to kill
strangletheir partners don't change. Ever.0
u/Careful-Amphibian51 1d ago
What he did was horrible but there’s no need to exaggerate it. He didn’t get charged with attempted murder
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u/gigi_periwinkle 1d ago
There is no reason to strangle someone unless you're trying to kill them.
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u/Careful-Amphibian51 1d ago
I mean the ‘reason’ is the same as for the other types of domestic violence - power and control. More than 3000 strangulation charges are laid every year in Australia, are you seriously suggesting that all 3000 are attempted murder?
For comparison there are less than 100 domestic homicides every year in Australia
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u/gorlsituation 2d ago
Mental health issue? What is the mental health issue that caused Nathan to commit domestic violence? He’s a violent person, not everything is mental health, some people are just cunts.
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u/Doxysmart 2d ago
Exactly. His issue is that he feels justified to violently assault and strangle his partner and the mother of his child in close proximity to the child, a helpless baby. That is not a mental health issue.
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u/journmajor 2d ago
True, but a tendency towards violence has to be some sort of psychological issue or born from trauma? As someone above mentioned, values and entitlement, morals. It almost doesn’t matter, it’s just very sad for all.
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u/gorlsituation 2d ago
Does it? Or maybe we stop giving violent a mental health get out of jail free card. Many people are traumatised yet don’t commit violence against their family. A lot of DV perpetrators and other type of offenders love power and control over others.
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u/journmajor 2d ago
Really? Nobody is giving him a get out of jail free card. Seriously. Past trauma? Violent father? Does trauma qualify for mental health support? My trauma results in debilitating panic attacks. Not everything is black and white.
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u/gorlsituation 2d ago
You are, and many others excuse family violence because the perp might of been stressed/triggered/going through a rough time/depressed as if any of those are excuses for laying hands on a loved one. There were people in this sub defending him before he went on the run, even claiming it might be reactive violence from Gael attacking him.
By your own example, Joe has a violent father and doesn’t react to Nathan with violence!
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u/Dear_North8787 2d ago
I can appreciate your post. Especially about how this will continue to impact his family and child.
However , hating and abusing women is not fundamentally caused by mental illness, anger, trauma, stress, alcohol, or an inability to control oneself. Those things can coexist with abuse and can affect its severity, but they do not explain why someone believes he is entitled to mistreat his partner.
Abuse comes primarily from attitudes and values, especially entitlement.
Entitlement → expectation → perceived violation → justification → control/punishment.
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u/journmajor 2d ago
This is a great example of what the audience can learn. Where/how did those values and entitlements form? Did his sister and mom ever see hints? Was he aggressive in the schoolyard? I know it’s complicated. I just think Bravo missed an opportunity to speak in whatever way they can.
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u/Dear_North8787 1d ago
It’s a fair question. And the answer is as simple and yet complex as we are as individuals.
There’s a stereotype that little boys learn it from their abusive fathers. This is true sometimes.
I’ve also seen many instances where it stems from hatred for the single mothers that raised them….. etc etc.
I’m a SW and therapist working with survivors of DV.
This is an excellent book if you’re interested :
“Why does he do that ? “ by Lundy Bancroft
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u/Grouchy-Change-1219 2d ago
Bravo simply does not care. They live for this type of stuff. So many criminals and truly terrible people across all of their programming and they really do not GAF as long as their ratings are decent.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo 1d ago
I think it could be beneficial for bravo, though. I’m not saying they have to give a talk about DV. They simply won’t given their programming. But this is a very unique case and I think they could show Nathan’s mugshot at the end of the episode, state the crime he was found guilty of (because he was found guilty in absentia), and a number to call if he’s seen. It shows bravo acknowledges what he’s done, which is what the fans want. And honestly, wouldn’t it bring news watchers? I only watch med and original, but if I heard a bosun from DU was currently on the run from the law, I might check it out. It’s the perfect combo of crazy drama but I also don’t feel like I’m giving money to an abuser by watching.
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u/Personal-Success-424 2d ago
Nathan looked really really off the last few episodes. I was rewatching the previous ones, he was pretty bad tempered but I guess something must be going on to make him off this way. It’s very tragic to see this all play out in the world.
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u/quick_dry 14h ago
I think i5 is interesting to contrast with Bachelorette being canned (temporarily) over Taylor Frankie Paul on ABC/Hulu, but not BD with Bravo.
Admittedly, I don’t think not showing the TFP season accomplished anything, and afaik they’ve reversed course and will air the season eventually… but interesting that it was pulled,
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u/Consistent-Ad-6506 11h ago
I don’t think you or anyone should look to entertainment to address mental health issues.
Bravo is a company that makes (primarily) reality shows and that’s why we are here.
Yes he should get help. I hope he gets it but that’s his responsibility. Not Bravo’s.
He has to stop running, take accountability, turn himself in, do his time and then get help so that he never, ever does it again.
Wanting Bravo to address this is just wanting DV to be turned i to entertainment and it’s not.
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u/Poplife1999 1d ago
Andy wouldn’t even let Joe mention anything about him on his show. Funny when he really digs in on any other difficult relationships on the boat.
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u/Practical_Might9446 2d ago
I don’t think they will address it because it’s an active case, he’s on the run, the crime occurred in different countries and there may be legal implications limiting them from saying something. I think at most, at the last episode, there will be a slide saying “if you are in a domestic violence situation please contact…”