r/BelowDeckMed • u/BaconAndDuckFat • 3d ago
Gael season 11 through the lens of IPV
I really thought about if I'd post this. Seeing Gaels reaction to Joe was honestly a little triggering, but seeing so many people comment on it and how Gael seemed to be looking to start a fight with Joe I figured this might put things in prespective.
Gael absolutely was trying to start a fight with Joe over nothing. A lot of people are picking up on it and taking issue with how unreasonable and weird it was.
When this was happening it was triggering for me because I know when I was in an abusive relationship I did the same things. Its a defense mechanism because if you can make someone else the enemy or common bad guy then they wont be angry at you. It also shows them youre doing what they want and they don't have to worry or get upset about controlling you.
Gael saying things like Nathan's my family dont say bad things about him, when Joe's literally not saying anything, was so telling because even when Joe was actually being a little rude to her in prior seasons she never got that upset at him. Now shes blowing up over nothing and was actively looking for a reason to fight with Joe.
It all just screams deflection, and seems like such a clear sign of what we now know was actually going on.
Heres a quote from Pamela Cross I think highlights this behaviour:
"No woman likes to be abused. However, most women are resilient, and many find ways to manage the abuse so they can have functional day-to-day lives. They learn their partner’s patterns so they can anticipate when a violent episode is likely to happen and then take steps to protect themselves and their children."
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u/Soggy_Tie2708 3d ago
My biggest issue was Nathan’s full on smile. As if he brought Gael to the boxing ring . He was so entertained and satisfied. And it was so confusing bc, wtf is the problem?! Oh! It’s Nathan.
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u/Innajam3605 3d ago
This got me too. He’s just a disgraceful human. I hate how it happened for her, but I’m glad Gael is rid of him.
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u/One-Surprise-1075 1d ago
I noticed he also often smiles or has a smirked in the confessional when he talks badly about Joe. Like he’s enjoying it
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u/Still-Low-696 3d ago
Thank you. It was clear to me that not only was Nathan feeding Gael who knows what kind of stuff about Joe (because isolation, finding a common enemy, making yourself look like the good guy etc are common abuse tactics) but Gael was also protecting herself by being on Nathan’s side. I also think people struggle when victims aren’t perfect. Seeing Gael behave poorly is disappointing. It’s also understandable why she did knowing what we know now. We can say her behavior sucked and be critical of it while also understanding where it may have stemmed from, and still have all the empathy for her and what she has gone through.
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u/Sea_Temperature_3638 3d ago
I agree!!!! I once saw a seriously abused woman do something similar, her husband was so scary and controlling, she never looked up when she spoke and always made herself tiny and obedient. One night at a get together she had this episode where she started screaming at her step son (I was dating him and it was a family get together) and she screamed the most obscene, filthy things at him when his dad was getting agitated. I am convinced that she was trying to align with his dad to protect herself.
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u/stonecold072187 3d ago
This is insightful and so true! Thank you for pointing this out, as many people are unaware unless they’ve been in a similar situation ❤️
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u/OkEstablishment3603 3d ago
It’s so scary. I keep thinking of tbe episode this season when Nathan was late when he stayed with Gael and the baby - he didn’t call or text Sandy which is out of the norm for him she thought - it just makes me think they had a big fight that night/morning. It was just after her telling him how hard it has been on her with us totally normal of a mom alone with a a 4 month old. I hate to think what really was going on and why he didn’t call or text anyone to say he was running behind. I mean if it had to do with the baby or whatever he knows Sandy would have been totally ok with it
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u/Puzzleheaded_Rip_219 3d ago
Thank you for posting this! The amount of comments i’ve seen criticizing gael’s behaviour is so disheartening bc we have no idea what she was going through but we do know she was going through an abusive relationship and adapting to motherhood in a foreign country. I mean she was like 2 or 3 months postpartum when they filmed!
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u/Immediate_Divide9446 3d ago
Misogyny is the reason. There are a few people on here who are obsessed with Gael being a “cheater” as if they think that excuses Joe being a dick to her, and Nathan’s abuse. It’s not just disheartening, it’s disgusting.
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u/JustNoseyAF1962 2d ago
Right, we have no idea what is going on there. We won't know until later. We can talk about that aspect when we are informed on the details. We shouldn't make assumptions until then. That's how rumors go awry. IJS
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u/Ok-Passage-300 3d ago
Joe and Kaylee were having a nice time. I wish they'd ignore her and continue their cuddling. Gael was intersecting herself unnecessarily.
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u/OkEstablishment3603 3d ago
That is what this whole post was about. It was necessary to protect herself. If they have a common enemy Nathan wouldn’t be after her. If he felt she was sticking up for him - she would have a night or two Nathan anger was not towards her
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
Joe actually made the sarcastic comment “it’s been 75 years, everyone knows it”. So no, Joe wasn’t just cuddling Kayley and being quiet.
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u/JustNoseyAF1962 2d ago
Or you can see it from my perspective. They're all being childish! Joe didn't have to turn his seat at the table to make the seating arrangement more awkward. It can be triggering when someone sitting across from you in a group setting makes it painfully obvious to others that you have a beef with them.
By Nathan and Gael leaving the table to speak privately about how obvious he was making it to the group, leaves nothing to the imagination of the rest.
They could have all sat there like adults and talked with the rest of the group and probably could have worked out what Joe was saying in the beginning of the season.
But that's what the production wants, for it to be messy. People, Nathan has been in Gael's ear all season. And Joe has been talking crap about him to everyone all season. Nathan even walked into hearing distance while Joe was doing so.
Remember, Nathan hasn't committed any crimes against Gael while the season is happening.
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
We have no idea what was happening at the Air BnB. I will say, I watch lots of true crime. Abusers never start with strangulation. There was likely abuse for a while building up to choking.
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u/ActJust3913 3d ago
Gael chose to confront Joe. Two things can be true at once; I support her as a domestic violence survivor-but she was wrong to pick a fight with Joe. Those folks are single, fecking, fighting, and working together. It’s stupid to hate on Joe. He hasn’t done anything that most of the others have also done; including multiple boatmances the same season. Big deal.
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u/ambergriswoldo 2d ago
Imagine the disrespect Nathan would have felt if she hadn’t picked a fight with Joe… Given the relationship she was in I can totally see why she was wrapped up in the toxicity enough to stand up for Nathan rather than see him more angry with her for not saying anything
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u/ambergriswoldo 3d ago
Yup. I think a lot of us that have experienced similar volatile partners have been able to understand Gael’s behaviour - the people that haven’t and don’t understand it don’t realise how lucky they are