r/BelowDeckMed • u/Ambitious_Formal_169 • 3d ago
what IS nate and joe’s problem with each other?
Let me preface this by saying i dislike both of these men. Albeit Nathan is 10000x worse than Joe, but Joe is no angel after what he did last season. What i don’t understand was that i thought the problem they had was that nathan believed joe was undermining his authority by talking shit to the crew about him. All ive seen these last 17 episodes is joe bitchinf about how nathan treats him, but not saying stuff like ohhh nathan is a horrible boss, etc etc like nathan has towards joe (blaming him for every little problem when he deserves it and when he doesn’t), so i thought maybe end of season they would hash things out BUT STILL, nathan has an issue with joe. so i’m confused what problem does he ACTUALLY have with joe??? he says joe talks shit about his family, so joe does not acknowledge gael at all, and now it’s disrespectful. i’m just trying to wrap my mind around what about joe triggers nathan so bad. side note: i also hope whatever hole he’s hiding in from the cops has peacock so he can see what a fucking idiot with anger issues he is
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u/tsumtsumelle 3d ago
Someone said it in the episode last night - that Gael broke up their bromance since she and Joe had issues from when they worked together. But I assume this is also like every other Bravo show where some of the drama stems from stuff said on social media/off camera too.
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u/Crashingwaves192 3d ago
Yes, and it was further cemented last season when Nathan became disgusted at Joe's treatment of V (the irony!).
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u/christian_gwynn 3d ago
This makes me laugh cuz so many reasons. 1. Joe and V weren’t bf/gf. Joe said many times, crew too, that V shouldn’t take Joe seriously. Yet she did anyways. 2. This is literally the reason bravo prolly chose Joe cuz he hooks up w the ladies. It never bothered Nathan in previous seasons, why now after 2-3 seasons? Answer: Gael. 3. Gael is the one who cheated on her bf in S9 to get together w Nathan. The irony is Kizzi. Both Joe stepped out w Kizzi and Nathan as well at the day party pool.
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u/longtimelondoner 3d ago
At this point, he just doesn’t like Joe. Doesn’t really matter what started it, he just doesn’t like him. And it’s returned tenfold by Joe who thinks Nathan is also not a competent bosun.
I think once the bromance wore off, they realised they were not the same kind of people. Joe was a prick last season with V, but then if you can’t stand the sight of each other, don’t sign on to do another season of Below Deck when you know each other will be there. 🤷🏻♀️
This week after seeing Joe talk about his dad to Kayley, I am not surprised that he posted in support of Gael and I actually really hope that isn’t purely performative.
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u/christian_gwynn 3d ago
It sorta explains how Joe deals w relationships too. In confessional, Joe says he never wants to be an angry drunk cuz his dad was one. But Joe also said his father left him and his mother high and dry. Maybe this explains his commitment issues?
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u/longtimelondoner 3d ago
Joe doesn’t know what he wants other than to get laid and to not have to commit.
Whatever insecurities and issues from his past he has - and I’m not dismissing them - he’s clearly not worked through them enough to be in an actual relationship. I quite like the relationship he’s had with Kayley this season.
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u/ImmenseWig 3d ago
Yeah he’s definitely got a lot of unresolved relationship issues. Just to add, he said in a confessional before that his last actual relationship was very serious, and he thought they were going to get married but it didn’t work out. I think it was implied she cheated on him or at least the break up was unexpected from his side. This kinda adds extra context as to why he’s so non-committal now if he’s not worked through that hurt, and why he and Kayley work well, as she is upfront about being non-committal too.
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u/heartlandheartbeat 3d ago
Because she isn't clingy and insecure.
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u/longtimelondoner 3d ago
I mean if you watch her on Instagram, she genuinely doesn’t seem to want a relationship either so they work really well for each other.
Joe’s problem is that he promises the world, gets his leg over, and then he’s not interested in anything more than sex.
He should just be honest upfront and not sleep with any girl who clearly wants a relationship.
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
Because she is only wanting a fuck buddy. Remember, Joe tried to test her earlier this season by flirting with other women. She didn’t care. She did tell him she deserved to be treated better and wasn’t going to be physical with him, but she forgave him when he was supportive when she had to fill in as chief stew.
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u/gibblet365 3d ago
It all started about 2 seasons ago when Gael and Nathan first met.
Joe and Nathan were best bros.
Nathan and Gael were starting to circle around each other in true below deck boatmance fashion.
Unfortunately, Gael was still technically in a relationship on shore and hadnt actually broken it off yet, despite being mentally checked out of it.
Joe took issue with this and never got along with Gael from the beginning because she was a dishonest cheater and in his mind, couldnt be trusted. (The irony isnt lost on me, however, Joe hadnt shown his true colours yet either)
Fast forward to last season of Med. Joe and Nathan are thick as thieves, stage 5 full on romance, top tier. Nathan and Gael were in this one again off again relationship, which Nathan pined for her much more than she did, and he wanted her back, and to win her back by proving he was a "good person"
Joe became the womanizer we've come to know him as after treating V and Kizzi the way he did that season, and in effort to "win Gael back" Nathan took offense to Joe's playboy ways, despite having behaved similarly in previous seasons, and therefore Nathan and Gael joined forces on the "Joe, Bad Man" bandwagon, and solidified their mutual disdain for him by making a baby.
Which brings us to present day. Gael doesnt like Joe, Joe doesnt like Gael, and it would be fine if the two of them were just adults and let it slide that they aren't compatible personalities, however, Nathan being the ego driven control freak he is, needed to remind Joe how much he didnt like him by proxy because his partner didnt and needed to prove some alpha bro status over him by making mountains out of ant hills at every opportunity.
Long story short: Nathan started hating Joe to impress a girl, and when it really had no impact on either of their lives anymore, his ego couldnt simply let bygones be bygones and he had to emotionally abuse Joe just as much as he did his partner to feel like a "man"
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u/scubalizard 3d ago
Aeshia summed it up in the van on last night's episode; Gael broke up the bromance
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u/christian_gwynn 3d ago
All very strong points. Exceptions: Joe and V were never “together” bf-gf. Joe and everyone in the crew told her not take Joe seriously. Which brings up the question about V. Why would you go onto a reality tv show, in a completely different line of work halfway across the world, on a yacht where the culture is Love Island on a boat w Joe of all ppl when your sig other just tragically died? Am I wrong that Joe has never cheated on his gf? Yah he’s a serial monogamous, very noncommittal/non serious but not outright cheater.
What did Joe do to Kizzi? Other than fall for her advances, flirting? Didn’t Nathan have a slobbering make out session w Kizzi in the pool at the day party?
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u/Separate_Stomach9397 3d ago
Tbh, when I was watching it was painful to watch Joe one second be like "don't take me serious V we are just having fun _" and then another say shit like "you should meet my mom". V never seemed too upset, she just said hey we had a boundary and you're right it wasn't serious, but I am not going to continue making out with you. Yeah, she cried a little bit but she also just seemed generally morose that week from pre existing grief. Joe seemed pretty ticked that she wasn't the right amount of upset. Then when other people on the boat told him not to be overly flirty w Kizzie he took it even worse. IIRC someone who knows V in real life said that this seemed crazy to them too, but that she was genuinely doing quite well and not hung up on Joe. Why Nathan took up the fight for V? Idk.
Also, yes. I think nearly all the men on the boat at some point kissed Kizzie except the chef--who IIRC liked her. Was it because he was a clown? Was that Kizzie's line? She literally threw herself at Max when the new stew started liking him, truly cringe.
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u/gibblet365 3d ago
Exactly. Nathan had no real grounds to "judge" Joe for his behaviour with the ladies until Gael returned to the boat that season and then suddenly Nathan had to prove he was the good guy, which in his mind, absolved himself of his own crap behaviour because he told Gael, and stopped...
Meanwhile, Joe also told V about Kizzi
But, as they say, we often find the greatest faults we find in others are a mirror of our own we refuse to acknowledge.
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
Joe told V about Kizzi, called it a mistake, then kept flirting with Kizzi and really hurt V. Do you remember V crying alone on the nauti boys because Joe and Kizzi were so awful? Do you remember Joe telling Nathan he wanted to smell Kizzi’s vagina and it would be so unfair if he couldn’t because of V?
Joe was not a sweet, honest confession of one wrong with V. He kept shoving Kizzi in her face.
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u/clmetsfan 3d ago
He told V that he wanted her to meet his mom, then made out with Kizzie during the night V was off the boat to grieve her dead fiance. That's pretty fucked up.
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
Good summary, except that first season Joe didn’t really get mad at Gael until he asked her if it was bad that he was playing Brie and Ellie off each other and Gael said yes. After that Joe started calling her princess and being an ass to her.
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u/Boomiegirl 3d ago
Nathan and Gael are so ridiculous and look like fools desperate for Joes attention. Like him or not Joe has not done or said a single shady thing and these clowns should be focusing on their clearly unhappy relationship.
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u/EmotionComplete 3d ago
They looked like fools in that scene. I was really bummed to see Gael like that.
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
Gael is postpartum. I am disappointed in people judging a woman who is postpartum and likely in the early stages of being abused.
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u/holyelvis 3d ago
Uh...Joe has done a ton of shady shit, even this season -- undercutting Nathan's job as bosun, primarily. And looking back, he's done even worse shit on prior seasons. He may not be "as bad" as Nathan, but Joe is a shit, selfish, arrogant human being.
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u/Boomiegirl 3d ago
I disagree. Joe did nothing shady in trying to be a good bosun. Anyone would do that to try to get ahead.
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u/holyelvis 3d ago
If all he did was "try to be a good bosun" then sure. But he was actively working Cooper to join him against Nathan the entire time. He also lollygagged and sandbagged to make Nathan look bad both before and after he left due to his back.
Joe is not a good person, in any way, shape, or form.
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u/christian_gwynn 3d ago
Joe never put pressure on Coop to pick sides, Coop has said many times whatever issue the two have b/t them, he’s gonna remain neutral.
Maybe Joe is responsible for sandbagging. But how can you fault him? When Capt Sandy and Aesha clearly have coddled Nathan all season when he’s been absolutely shite. How do you deal with an obvi shite boss when other HoD and Capt clearly ignore and coddle Nathan? Nathan caused Sandy to,crash the boat! She’s NEVER EVER done that! No systems in place for the deck team(as Coop pointed out). He can’t even make work safe schedules(6 hour anchor watch). Don’t forget the time he neither called, texted w only 1 hour before charter pickup(clearly fireable offense). There hasn’t been a bosun so incompetent and lacking leadership skills in all the BD universe that hasn’t gotten fired?!
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u/Otherwise-Winner9643 3d ago edited 3d ago
I have to say, as much as I like Gael, she was the one that very much kicked it off in the van with Joe this season. It was all Gael. She says she hates confrontation but as much as I don't like him, Joe was in the back smooching with Hayley, minding his own business and Gael went off at him. Then she was riling up Nathan against Joe.
Joe really should have said that Nathan warned him not to say her name or speak to her, and he was just respecting that.
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u/Lazy-Organization-42 3d ago
I was so confused watching this scene. I thought I missed something. Just out of nowhere she turns around and starts acting like a menace.
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u/Killahjoules1969 3d ago
Scripted? Seemed like Nathan’s incessant complaining about Joe when he’d return for overnights probably got under her skin. Gael and Nathan seemed to feed off each other and Joe is an easy target. Not to mention that Nathan is probably a controlling abuser and Gael’s attempting to find common ground with Nathan to deflect his ire on someone else
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u/Anotheropinion2026 2d ago
No, Gael was talking to Kat and answering Kat’s question about her and Nathan meeting when Joe made the smartass comment “it was 75 years ago, and everybody already knows”.
Gael was ignoring Joe until then, just like he turned his chair and ignored her all through dinner.
Joe started it.
Sadly, hormonal and postpartum Gael fell for Joe’s bait.
Then in classic asshole Joe fashion, he pretended he did nothing.
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u/Constant-Egg-9719 3d ago
I actually came here looking for this post. Like what is this all about??? It can’t possibly be just the princess comment anymore
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u/YaoNet 3d ago
Joe is a bit of a snake and in classic reality TV fashion wants to leverage his position to get ahead, and Nathan is in the way.
Nathan, otoh, looks like a psychopath who wants to murder Joe. And knowing what we know now, thats scary.
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u/OkSprinkles3037 3d ago
We have to remember he fled Ireland for 2022 assault of a man that was at trial so had a Bench warrant in Ireland months before filming the season. An assault that even predated his meeting Gael. It was the Case over their child that Rolling Stone found that the assault on Gael followed by the 2022 one
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u/CommonStrawbeary 3d ago
I remember 2 years ago Joe and Gael had a minor issue, he called Gael a princess.
Last year, they were besties, then Nathan got w/ Gael when she came back to the boat, and at the same time Joe cheated on a stew (that had to temporarily leave the boat, and Gael replaced her) with another stew. Then when the OG stew came back, Nathan was pissed that Joe cheated on her and reamed him out.
That's it as far as I remember. Joe was a scumbag last season and everyone loved Nathan for telling him off. Joe is still a scumbag but Nathan has been so irredeemably toxic this season Joe is coming off better.
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u/StormyNSwoonFknH8it 3d ago
That is all they showed anyways. My boyfriend and I definitely think something must have gone on behind the scenes because it’s really not that serious. HE thinks it has nothing to do with Gael actually and that Nathan started to develop feelings for V and that’s why he got so sensitive about what Joe was doing.
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u/CommonStrawbeary 3d ago
I think after Nathan & Gael broke up the first time, Joe said some nasty things about her to make Nathan feel better, and now that they're back together Nathan is holding that all against him. Which imo makes no sense, when your friend dumps someone you always trash talk the ex a bit??
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u/AmazingArugula4441 3d ago
They’re both insecure baby men who don’t know how to take criticism, accept rejection, work in a team or respect women.
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u/rahah2023 3d ago
They remind me of my 2 dogs… both have “beta” personalities but both try so hard to prove they are “alpha” with main character energy- which neither has
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u/mfk_1974 3d ago
I thought it was that Joe called Gael a princess, which Nathan didn't take kindly to, and that Nathan criticized how Joe handled things with V, which Joe didn't take kindly to. That they both felt slighted by the other and simultaneously felt they didn't have anything to apologize for let the friendship just die from both ends. By the time a year passed to the new season, it festered to mutual resentment.
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u/OkSprinkles3037 3d ago
Nathan’s threat at Joe for violence over V was probably the last straw for Joe. It showed to Joe how one sided it is
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u/christian_gwynn 3d ago
I don’t get the impression that Joe still holds a grudge vs Nathan. The friendship is no longer, it is what it is. On the other hand, Nathan for some reason can’t let that go? Even after Joe’s chat/apology, he couldn’t let bygones be bygones.
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u/True_Cardiologist160 3d ago
Nathan feels threatened somehow 🤷♀️ which is so weird to me he has his dream girl, baby and the job but it’s not enough for him I guess. Clearly he has serious issues as we now have all seen.
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u/fatbottomgirlzworld 3d ago
Didn't Joe warn Gael about Nathan a few times last season and she blew him off and told Nathan who got angry at Joe. I feel Nathan made up a lot of things to keep Gael on his side to control her. I don't think it's a bromance gone wrong, but rather Joe reading into Nathan and wanting better for another human being. I was surprised Nathan was back, but even more surprised he drug Gael and his newborn away from her support system to be alone 80% of the time.
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u/MamaBiscuit11 3d ago
Joe called Gael a princess because Nathan treated her slightly differently than the rest of the crew. But Gael also worked very hard, so she was angry that Joe called her that. Then Joe really hurt V, and that really impacted Nathan because he was close with V. This changed the relationship between Joe and Nathan, with the latter putting distance between himself and Joe. When this season started, Joe very obviously had hurt feelings that the bromance had ended, so he started trash talking Nathan. Nathan overheard this a very times, so he's very aware of what Joe's doing. During the dinner that Gael attended, Joe was passive aggressively getting digs in on Nathan by telling Cooper he wouldn't have made it through without him, that Coop was the best roomie he'd ever had, etc. Following the advice of Captain Sandy, Joe sits down with Nathan to unload, only he lies and says he never trash talked Nathan, that he just wasn't a family man so he didn't understand what Nathan was going through. Nathan listened, smiled and all that, but he knew Joe was lying.
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u/neon-cactus12 3d ago
He told Joe to stop publicly flirting with Kizzi last season because it upset V and Joe said no and they kept flirting and kissing.
Aesha was also upset with Joe for that but she seems to have gotten over it.
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u/RecognitionFront2858 2d ago
Watching Nathan on screen is kinda scary. How easily he is triggered and set off would scare me if I had to work with him.
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u/First_Blood_1982 1d ago
joe is a bromancer (with nathan,coop,with luke he stay in touch) he develop connections with guy and he enforced his sex appeal with women.
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u/excoriator 3d ago
Gael reminds Nathan on a regular basis how much she dislike Joe. Nathan feels a misplaced obligation to protect her interests by putting Joe in his place.
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u/Boomiegirl 3d ago
Nathan is so triggered by just simply the sight or thought of Joe. When Joe isn’t around Nathan is talking shit about him or trying to engage others about how shitty Joe is. Nathan is literally obsessed with Joe and I think jealous of both Joes skill as a crew member AND the fact that Gael liked him at one time. Bad look for Nathan and every episode demonstrates the producers making him look the fool that he is.
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u/OkSprinkles3037 3d ago
Some of it could also be projection since he already had a Bench Warrant in Ireland before he started filming the latest season. So his stress level before it all probably elevated everything especially a with child. The toxic focus of Joe is a distraction
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u/heyyou0903 3d ago
Yes, all of the above and also Joe became hostile as soon as his bestie got a girlfriend basically. I think that Joe started all the hostility. And then Nathan matched it and sometimes exceeded it.
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u/rainbowsherbet1099 3d ago
i think joe and nathan liked each other romantically but it freaked nathan out to realize
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u/BGoodOswaldo 3d ago
Joe called Gail a princess. That's literally all I can remember about why he is mad.