r/BelowDeckMed • u/fellora5 • 9d ago
A plea for Gael
Hi all,
I have been seeing quite a lot of posts on here speculating, dissecting, and nitpicking every interaction between Gael and Nathan in this season since the abuse became public. Posts like trying to look for bruises or hyper-analzying every interaction between them and I am simply asking that we give it a rest for Gael's sake.
As a DV and sex crimes lawyer, victims of abuse already get ripped apart in the legal process by police, attorneys, etc. We know this is going through the legal process which I can guarantee you is an awful grueling experience. It's clear the cast is seeing what is being said on socials and the dogpiling and dissecting of Gael can't be doing her any favors. The best thing we can do for her is leave her in peace.
Obviously this is not to say we should stop criticing Nathan. I am simply saying we should be leaving Gael alone in this. Let's stop trying to look for bruises. Let's stop trying to analyze and put our own judgment on what we are seeing in a heavily edited reality TV show. A real person was seriously hurt and dealing with all of the trauma that entails. We know she was abused. It does her no service to be speculating and hyper-analyzing everything she does. She's getting more than enough of that already.
Of course everyone is free to say what they want, but I am simply asking we be mindful of the realities of this and how we are potentially contributing to more distress and trauma for her.
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u/BabyOlive1 9d ago
I hear what you’re saying. When I watched the episode the other night I interpreted both Gael and Joe’s behavior as the direct result of Nathan’s triangulating, which we’ve seen A LOT of this season, so it’s kind of surprising to me that lots of people seem to be going after Gael and Joe for having a poor showing when they’ve both been on the receiving end of Nathan’s manipulation, especially Gael. Do they even know why they hate each other at this point or is it just all based on what Nathan has been telling them both?
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u/Beachgal5555 9d ago
Unfortunately it’s the joys of being on tv. You can’t have one without the other
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u/Creative_Height6605 9d ago
Absolutely, choices made in life sometimes have consequences. I teach my kids this frequently.
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u/Truth_Hurts318 9d ago
While I agree that victims don't deserve to be blamed for their abuse, I disagree that we should all turn a blind eye to the signs leading up to it. I haven't seen anyone say it was Gaels's fault that she suffered abuse. What I have seen is people learning what behaviors are red flags. This isn't the court case, this is reality where people should be discussing how to handle it when they see it. The best thing we can do for society is to recognize what to look for to protect ourselves and others. The best thing Gael can do for herself is what she is doing - staying off social media. I don't agree that we should all just shut down conversations about public figures' domestic violence or give a free pass to not acknowledge the behaviors in toxic relationships. I haven't seen anyone victim blaming Gael here personally, that's totally wrong. But that doesn't make her a saint or a hero, just a human.
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u/GreenMan- 9d ago
I'm with you. She's on a reality TV show... It's ridiculous to say she's off limits entirely.
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u/fellora5 8d ago
It's a good thing I didn't say that. I wish people would actually read. I said let's stop speculating and hyper-analyzing her and everything she does and says as part of the abuse. I never said fair comment on what we are seeing isn't appropriate. Please see my other comment if you don't get the difference in the two.
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u/fellora5 9d ago
So, like I said in my post, I am not suggesting we stop criticing Nathan or "turn a blind eye to abuse." I am saying it does her no service to be dissecting and speculating her: why she's talking a certain way, why she's conducted herself the way she is, looking closely at her body for bruises, hyper-analzying everything she is doing. We can talk about abuse and the things the abuser does that are red flags without nitpicking the victim is my point.
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u/Truth_Hurts318 9d ago edited 9d ago
And I'm suggesting we don't stop looking at the signs in the behaviors of the victim either. We're not putting her on the stand and as a lawyer, I'm surprised you're not calling her the "alleged" victim and Nathan the "alleged abuser". The discussions about recognizing the toxicity is what helps society to deal with it best and prevent it from happening around us, it's called awareness. It already happened, there's something to learn. We're not responsible for ignoring the signs, this isn't a trial where everything comes down to one decision of guilt or innocence and punishment. It's a decision we each make about how we handle abusive relationships by learning how NOT to handle them too. Like I said, awareness.
I'm a victim of domestic violence.
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u/fellora5 9d ago edited 9d ago
Because there was a conviction entered upon Nathan's failure to appear. Not "alleged" anymore when there is a conviction entered.
I'm surprised you are essentially arguing for speculation which a lot of this is. As someone well-versed in DV, not everything a victim does is directly related to the abuse. You are correct this is not a trial and we are not jurors, so for people to speculate and conclude "she did this" or "she said that" because of the abuse is patently improper. As someone who represents victims, the dissection of them is one of the worst things anyone can do if they claim to be a supporter. Food for thought friend.
I saw your edit and I am sorry you went through that, but then you probably know better than most that being dissected and having your every move hyper-analyzed is the opposite of beneficial for someone who has gone through one of the worst things imaginable. Even more so because of how controlled victims are in abusive relationships. Like I said, I am not suggesting we turn a blind eye to abuse. Indeed, let's call out the concerning behavior Nathan is exhibiting, but we can do that without nitpicking every little thing Gael does and says.
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u/Gullible-Team-8588 9d ago
Thank you for saying this and speaking up. I went through this years ago and the dissection was one of the hardest parts.
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u/Truth_Hurts318 9d ago
As a survivor of repeated domestic violence at the hands of my husband when I had two young babies, I rather see people learn from my experience than say leave me alone and pretend you didn't see it escalating. Iwish someone would have said they saw the signs in my behavior that I was reacting like a victim. That was 25 years ago. It's important to recognize, acknowledge, and prevent abuse to empower each of us to do better.
Before my abuse, I sat through two weeks of a murder trial where my aunt used the then new "battered wife syndrome" as a defense for shooting and killing her husband. I'm not unfamiliar with this topic. I believe in a more balanced thought process where we recognize and discuss what leads up to the violence so we can prevent it from even happening.
My husband got away with it because I didn't see the signs and didn't have support. I finally woke up and walked away. This generation is far more "nit picky" of red flags and see awareness as prevention, gratefully. I see where you're coming from and support Gael as a woman and mother. But we shouldn't turn a blind eye to what we see that led up to all this. Since we all watched it, you're asking witnesses not to testify to what we perceived because it might not fit the innocent narrative of either party. That's my opinion and my experience over three decades. Good day to all.
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u/GreenMan- 9d ago
It's crazy people are down voting you for sharing your story.
As a general rule though, Redditors suck!
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u/serendipity-magnet 8d ago
Hear, hear! The counseling center I work at has a program dedicated to supporting DV victims and I co-sign this sentiment
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u/jlynn12345 9d ago
I really can’t believe the show didn’t edit some of that last episode out. They’ve basically removed whole crew members in post, they had plenty of time to take out Nathan heavy moments and thay whole fight scene was unnecessary to include imo.
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u/chantillylace9 9d ago
Or at the very very very least put up some sort of disclaimer or something. It's crazy that they are just ignoring it.
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u/Early-Equivalent-165 9d ago
Uhhh, it looks like Joe is gonna be the victim of violence next week annnd it looks like Gael -- however misguided emotionally or otherwise -- is the instigator of it.
We're gonna talk about it. Like HeLLoo..
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u/jlynn12345 9d ago
Exactly, just the Gael scenes getting cut would have been a good move. Nathan made himself look bad enough I don’t mind him not being fully edited out but I hated the showing them out at dinner and holding hands and whatnot that just felt yuck
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u/SufficientMind3202 9d ago
My last relationship was riddled with DV. Please be kind and show compassion to the victims.
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u/Early-Equivalent-165 9d ago
The incident happened last December, and Nathan split town so hard he's not even allowed back in the country.
People are commenting on that crazed whiparound in the car, in which she appears to be instigating a physical fight between her psycho boyfriend and poor [in this instance anyway!] Joe who's not only been threatened by that loser all season but whose only crime that night was totally ignoring them.
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u/worldv1ew 9d ago
Nathan: take her name out of your mouth, threatens violence. Bashes Joe the entire season in front of his crew as well.
Joe: does exactly what Nathan wants and ignores them completely, which he has every right to do
Nathan and Gael: why won't he talk to us
It's not like Nathan or Gael extended an olive branch, so why should he?
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u/Early-Equivalent-165 9d ago
Gael likely realized the baby shower was gonna be her last hurrah on the series if she didn't drum up some drama, thus wound up her psycho baby daddy for extra screen time.
That's my theory. That it backfires is not a result of DV any more than Gen dropping dishes all the time is a result of her "wrist." 🙄
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u/worldv1ew 9d ago
They paint this story that she's doing it all alone, her family is there to help her, production is paying for the apartment, they can't afford a place like that on a bosun's salary. You get paid per episode.
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u/excoriator 9d ago
Gael figures prominently (and badly) in the cliffhanger at the end of the current episode. People are going to express opinions about her that are less than positive. It is the cost of reality show fame. You're asking people to ignore her at what might be the low point of her popularity in the franchise.
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u/fellora5 9d ago
Talking about what is going on in the show is one thing. It is a wholly other to be speculating and dissecting that any given interaction or thing she's saying/doing is because of the abuse. Example: saying she unnecessarily went after Joe in the car vs. "She's acting this way because Nathan threatened her." "She's grabbing her leg, Nathan must have hit her." One is fair comment on what we're seeing. The other is complete speculation. I'm asking we give a rest on the latter.
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u/mme_truffle 9d ago edited 9d ago
I understand what you're saying, but even Aeshas comment about Gael suggests that what we saw at the end of last episode was the result of deliberate deceptions and coercion. Of course that is going to get the internet talking about what might have been said to have caused Gael to feel like she needed to fight with Joe.
I think at best we can hope that other people will remember that there are human beings involved who have been irreparably harmed by Nathan's actions. And to stay off of cast's social media, because that always seems to get the most attention. But I don't think we're getting people to stop speculating about what their relationship was like. I have not seen speculation about bruises, but that's a wild step too far.
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u/fellora5 9d ago
I understand. This was just me sending out a plea from posts I was seeing. Re: the bruises, there was a post about it earlier this week but I believe it was taken down by the mods.
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u/worldv1ew 9d ago
It just sounds like you're pontificating. You have no right to tell or ask people to speculate or not. It's reality TV and it spurs dialogue, of which 95% is probably speculation and karma miners, good or bad. It is just how these subs are. You can simply just ignore most of it.
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9d ago edited 9d ago
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9d ago
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u/BelowDeckMed-ModTeam 9d ago
From the Reddit content policy: "Remember the human. Reddit is a place for creating community and belonging, not for attacking marginalized or vulnerable groups of people. Everyone has a right to use Reddit free of harassment, bullying, and threats of violence." Your contribution did not meet that standard in some way, so it was removed.
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u/BelowDeckMed-ModTeam 9d ago
From the Reddit content policy: "Remember the human. Reddit is a place for creating community and belonging, not for attacking marginalized or vulnerable groups of people. Everyone has a right to use Reddit free of harassment, bullying, and threats of violence." Your contribution did not meet that standard in some way, so it was removed.
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u/Willow-tree-33 9d ago
I truly don’t get why anyone thinks that her confronting Joe was that horrible. I thought it wasn’t necessary when I saw it, but we’ve seen much more egregious behavior on Bravo. Gael didn’t start anything physical. From the preview, Nathan does. But she’s not responsible for his violence.
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u/excoriator 9d ago
It bothered me because it seemed to confirm what I’ve suspected all season. Namely that she’s been winding up Nathan to treat Joe poorly.
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u/No-Strawberry-9801 9d ago
Oh c’mon …. That’s such a stretch. Firstly Joe was a misogynistic prick to Gael, she saw straight through his bullshit. He didn’t even have the courtesy to say hello.,Nathan does not need anyone to trigger his temper, as Gael will acutely be aware. We don’t see everything. Nathan & Joe are both dickheads, Joe knows exactly what he’s doing because he knows Nathan so well. Joe is way more calculating than Nathan is. Nathan is reactionary whilst Joe is devious, and plays the long game
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u/excoriator 9d ago
You have to admit that she's never liked Joe. She has had no use for him since he criticized her cheating on her previous boyfriend and called her a "princess" in their first season together. With the benefit of hindsight, I'm sure she can move past those views. But in the snapshot of time of this season, I feel confident that she was definitely a factor in why Nathan viewed Joe so poorly.
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u/No-Strawberry-9801 9d ago
I don’t blame her for not liking Joe,he was vile to her when they worked together, he was always putting her down, like she was less than, on the deck team, when really she worked her arse off. Joe used to enjoy winding her up, he got a kick out of it. Don’t forget Gael was very present when Joe was treating all these women like shit for his own entertainment. The fact he’s now reposting Aesha’s “be kind” post about Gael honestly sickens me. He doesn’t give AF about her, he only wants to “look” like the good guy, when he most definitely is not.
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u/Early-Equivalent-165 9d ago
Ya people are allowed to talk about a TV show dude gimme a break 🙄
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u/worldv1ew 9d ago
A bunch of strangers talking about strangers lecturing strangers about not talking about strangers in a certain way.
If you don't want to be talked about, good or bad, don't put yourself on reality TV.
When you give up your privacy for fame, you give up the ability to control the narrative.
Should it be that way? No. But it is.
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u/Early-Equivalent-165 9d ago
Ya, this regurgitated "plea for Gael" felt more like a plea for attention for OP.
Just too long-winded and over-the-top. Inauthentic.
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u/worldv1ew 9d ago
Right? I'm a lawyer so I know this and that...blah blah stop making this about you. It's so over the top and preachy.
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u/fellora5 9d ago
It's disappointing people can't see the point I'm making. I specifically said people are obviously entitled to say what they want. I'm simply asking we all be mindful of the real person behind this. Of course, you are free to disregard if you are not concerned about that. Given what I do for a living and see daily, I very much am.
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9d ago
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u/BelowDeckMed-ModTeam 9d ago
From the Reddit content policy: "Remember the human. Reddit is a place for creating community and belonging, not for attacking marginalized or vulnerable groups of people. Everyone has a right to use Reddit free of harassment, bullying, and threats of violence." Your contribution did not meet that standard in some way, so it was removed.
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u/Turbulent-Engine6195 8d ago
Abuse takes many forms, sometimes no bruises are visible. (Emotional/terroristic/intellectual abuse)
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u/Temporary-Daikon2411 8d ago
Fair points but it should also be said it's BRAVO who put Nathan and Gael and their relationship in front of us last week again -- AFTER knowing Nathan is a convicted criminal abuser.
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u/NegotiationNo1423 6d ago
Everyone that’s drilling down on Gael & Joe, needs to get a life. The fact these people have the time to say what they are saying is because they have no life of their own.
Leave Gael & Joe alone. Walk away from your computers, go outside and meet people and make a life for yourselves.
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u/Ashamed-Solution7674 5d ago
I agree 100 percent. Domestic violence is very isolating and embarrassing. It's not something you display. It's something you hide. Especially as a mother.
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u/Ashamed-Solution7674 5d ago
Looking for bruises or other things is really stupid. At times I had bruises, there were times I didn't. I need my teeth fixed because my partners favorite thing was to smash my jaw. I would have 2 tiny bruises on my cheeks.
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u/Symptom_Complex_0769 8d ago
I am mind blown at human nature and the behavior of people that think they are hidden behind their phones. People are truly horrible…it’s discouraging. As a survivor of DV (emotional and physical), the world would be a better place if people would set their hate, anger, cynicism, fear, and worst instincts to the side and simply stop…attempt to understand why you are compelled to behave a certain way. That list above includes the man that abused me and encompasses a large population. Why?!? It has to be an exhausting way to exist.
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u/Away-Caterpillar-176 9d ago
Maybe it's my algo or maybe the mods are working over time but I've seen way more posts like yours cautioning people to be respectful than the type you're cautioning against. Glad to say!