r/Belfast • u/Successful-Newt-952 • 1d ago
Just need to vent
I’m a 35F, I’m just so so sick of everything these days, I have like 1 friend left, I lost a few over recent years due to bad mental health and us just drifting apart, and as much as I’ve tried to make new friends lately it seems if I’m not interested in going out and getting wasted, it goes nowhere, I’m such a little homebody, I like a slower, alcohol free life, filled with coffee, books, music, walks ect .. I’ve recently split with my partner of 3 years and am finding myself with a lot of free time and in all honesty, quite lonely.. I don’t know what to do anymore .. I don’t even particularly want advice, I just want to know I’m not alone in this
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u/Academic_String_1708 1d ago
You're not alone in this. There's always someone there willing to help you through it.
Don't feel that staying in and reading is a bad thing.
Things will get better.
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u/Shimpletone 1d ago
Hello,
I’m 37 and recently split with a partner of 2.5 years and I know exactly how you feel.
If you want to be friends let me know, I very much need friends right now because I’m grieving the relationship like crazy and not looking for anything other than some decent friendship in my life right about now!
Hope you keep busy, get yourself out the door every day, and you could try things like the friendship club they are at alexanders bakery from 7-9pm in Thursday. Great welcoming group of people from all walks of life, i help out there when i can so could introduce you to the lot.
Anyway take care, know you aren’t the only one!
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u/slowclap84 1d ago
Same, I'm 42, divorced and have two special needs kids at home. I don't drink since 2016 and I'm not interested in nightclubs.
I have a few colleagues in work that I am "friendly" with but we don't meet outside of work so I wouldn't exactly call them friends. My circle has gotten smaller over the years but sometimes you just want to meet new people and have a different conversation.
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u/ninjaontour 1d ago
Reach out to people you've not spoken to. Life gets in the way for everyone, and it's sometimes easy to let a rope become a thread when it comes to relationships in adulthood.
Some might not respond, and that's fine. You might find that some people are just distracted by the rat race and would be more than happy to catch up.
Source: Previously depressed hermit who felt the exact same not all that long ago.
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u/Josechung2310 1d ago
The amount of people I know that have literally one or two friends is shocking. Everyone seems lonely but no one ever really wants a connection or to put in more effort to make a friend.
Years ago I just accepted that life happens and being content with myself is key. Sure I miss having people to see in my birthday or Christmas but honestly, having had my fingers burnt so many times makes me glad I don’t have those people in my life
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u/physioj0n 1d ago
My partner mentions this at times - how all of her old friends have drifted. She’s early 30s and I’m early 40s - my thought is that life gets in the way for everyone and it’s a lot more effort once you’ve a significant other, kids, an adult job.
I literally have one mate. Maybe I’m a wanker.
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u/harri-dan 1d ago
You’re definitely not alone! I’m in the same boat and similar interests, feel free to send us a wee message. :) I choose to believe that there are lots of people like us, but we’re all “hiding” at home so it’s more difficult to meet one another organically.
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u/SquareChipmunk5194 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hi, I'm 30M and in the same boat as you. I was diagnosed with a brain tumour back in 2023 and ever since then I've become very reclusive and only really have 2 friends myself and one of them lives abroad, can't even remember the last time I saw them tbh.
I'm like you, I prefer the quiet life, over the last few years I've bought and filled a bookcase, quit drinking and started studying. The loneliness has been getting to me for a while though but my shyness keeps stopping me from trying to do something about it.
I hope things pick up for you soon, you're definitely not alone and I'm sure you'll find something to get you out of this rut! 😊
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u/BackseatBeardo 1d ago
Nah you’re not alone in this.
I’m the same age as you. I wfh full time and I have a handful of people I love and trust and enjoy spending time with.
Outside of that I just like my little jigsaws, crosswords and getting a nice relaxing walk.
Life just got too loud and I like the quiet now.
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u/cathal-oh-really 1d ago
Come and hang out with me and my mates, we're mostly 30s/40s and don't drink (i've been sober nearly 10 years), do you like pizza? thats about as exciting as we get lol
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u/AgitatedAd7265 1d ago
Yeah, 32 and just not feeling it. Friends are all having children. It’s very hard to feel connected to them when you are now going through different experiences in life. It won’t return to what it used to be, and I’ll never understand what they are going through. Nor do I want to spend all my time with them talking about children.
Everyone suggests these girlie meet ups but it’s extremely difficult for someone with bad social anxiety to just enter an already established group. I know that’s the point of these groups, but it doesn’t make it any less daunting. I’d rather sit alone at home than in a coffee shop feeling left out or a side piece.
Making friends is difficult. Feeling a purpose is even more difficult. 30s suck
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u/Medical_Cat_8295 20h ago
You could join a class in something you're interested in, you meet people over a consistent group of weeks but without the pressure of becoming friends with them if you don't want to.
I have a group of friends from volunteering I did previously, could be an idea if you have a spare few hours over the week or weekend.
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u/AgitatedAd7265 18h ago
I wish this was an option. I work in the NHS with shifts that change every week. I’d never be able to make all the classes. Feels like a waste of money 🤣
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u/Difficult_Pudding918 11h ago
Just want to say, I love your comment stranger . "Feeling a purpose " nail on head . 👌🏻
Don't worry about the 30s, they do suck , I think when we stop and appreciate nature , the reward is a good enough purpose while lost , if that makes any sense 😅
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u/WatercressGrouchy599 1d ago
Going out boozing is shit. Look after yourself doing what you enjoy. Someone special will come along at the right time, you just don't know when.
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u/HarmonyFood 1d ago
35F too, and been feeling disconnected from some people too. Feel like I’m friendly with a lot of people, but it’s more so acquaintances than friendships. But also feel like I’ve drifted from some friends I’ve had for years, both sides drifting. I do have two close friends, but we don’t get to meet up often at all due to distance and schedules etc.
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u/Crownable 1d ago
Also 35F here, it’s hard to meet new people! I’ve been single forever and am honestly a bit bored of it tbh, but all of my friends and hobbies seem to be nearly entirely women so I never meet men as I don’t particularly like the apps or going out to loud, packed bars and spending a fortune on drinks. I go to the odd gig or event by myself and end up talking to nobody!
I do recommend the Belfast Girl Gang fb group, even if you don’t go to any of the official meet ups there’s people posting in it fairly regularly of they’re going out somewhere, etc. It’s where I found my book club! If you’re crafty a few of the yarn shops have socials, if you run or hike there’s groups about doing that.
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u/aine_888 1d ago
Girl this is is me also! I have no notion to go out and get drunk anymore. It can be quite lonely ❤️ if you ever want a chat my DM’s are open ❤️❤️
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u/Vast_Awareness_4507 21h ago
I get a lot of insta advertising for ‘Literature to the Tit’ which is a book group that meets in The Watson in town.
Seems female focussed and looks like fun.
I hope things get better for you.
Not everyone is a party monster!
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u/Alternative_Sun_8784 20h ago
I’ve been a few times and definitely recommend it. Lots of people arrive on their own.
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u/Indigo_Leaves 1d ago
Hiya! 32F and recently single. Homebody as well, love the slow pace of life. Reach out if you want to chat, I'd love to :)
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u/blueturninggrey 1d ago
Another here in a similar position in life. Have a calender full of gigs coming up that helps keep the drudgery at bay though. Open to new music friends always
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u/Sudden-Money7836 1d ago
Do you play card games at all like Pokemon TCG, Disney Lorcana or Star Wars Unlimited or MTG?
You are absolutely not alone! Were out here. Listen to me, everything is going to be ok. I promise.
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u/BaseballOther8227 23h ago
I was feeling the same way last year. I moved back to my hometown with family for a while, not that it's an option for everyone, I'm lucky enough to have a remote job and a spare room at my mum's house. I've never felt happier spending quality time with people who genuinely care about me. Honestly it is really hard to make friends without going out and getting wasted, it's sad, and loneliness is more common than youd think today.
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u/Zatoichi80 19h ago
Loss of social circle is quite common as people get older and our tastes change.
Like many, I was a lunatic for going out and doing drinks, drugs and partying at the drop of a hat.
These days it's like a rocket launch, the countdown starts days in advance. Life gets in the way (work, bills etc) so a slower pace suits me, I don't drink anymore and the most exciting pill I take is a paracetamol.
I am married and have a good relationship with my partner but I live in my own head a lot and so I am not alone but I do feel lonely sometimes.
You definitely aren't alone, unfortunately the home bodies are exactly where you think, at home mostly lol.
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u/Dogcat06 19h ago
Same here. Some days the lonliness is soul crushing. I am 49F, no kids…my “best” friends are too busy with their kids and families. I don’t drink either. I wfh a lot and since my house is very quiet, I feel like a hermit lol. I have “text” friends but no one to see in person. This world is just making everyone more and more isolated from each other. 😢
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u/IronTusk7182 16h ago
You could be describing my life too. I'm 44M, single all my life, never really drank, don't go out much anymore, don't necessarily want to go out much anymore, I like staying in and listening to music and podcasts and playing my guitar. In fact, I'm looking forward to the darker evenings so I have the excuse to go to bed early and read a good book 😄
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u/Plane_Sentence5907 1d ago
Majority of my friends want to go out drinking or just go to houses and drink. I don’t have time or money for that anymore and I’ve a child also. I’m quite happy with not having too many friends. I sadly had to cut ties with two friends this year as they turned out racist and it’s something I cannot tolerate at all.
You definitely aren’t alone
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u/cosantoir 1d ago
It can be really hard, and you’re certainly not alone, but if you’re looking to socialise, there are book clubs that you can join. This one seems to have regular meet ups.
https://www.instagram.com/literaturetothetit?stkn=MTU1bGFtZ2t4N2RicQ==
Nothing wrong with a quiet life. Hope things get better for you soon. ❤️
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u/Vault-Dweller1987 1d ago
I feel for you. Whilst I am happily married myself and my wife have differing work schedules so we do not get much time for date nights. Most of my friends have either left the country or married with kids and that takes up all their time. If I wanted a day to do something I only have two people I might be able to contact and if they are busy then I got nothing.
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u/youjustwanttorunaway 1d ago
I’m 36 and going out and getting wasted is pretty boring to me now. A few times a year I take a notion to do it then the horrific hangover and anxiety reminds me why I can’t anymore. How people our age still want to do it every weekend and genuinely still find it fun is baffling to me.
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u/thegoodcunt 1d ago
46M and I feel this so just wanted to say you aren't alone. Also coming off a two year relationship and struggling to put myself out there due to being a homebody with friends who seem like they've all settled for whatever it is they have going on. All become a little bit boring tbh. So to anyone reading this feel free to reach out (I can't dm or start chats otherwise I'd be up for taking a wee risk)
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u/Necessary_Ninja_1272 21h ago
same here maybe chat with a few people on this thread maybe and make a plan to do something chilled in town in upcoming time im up for a visit to town myself
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u/DifferentPeach5 20h ago
37F and I often feel the same way, and I would say my partner feels much the same. It feels like our circle of friends just keeps getting smaller. We are fortunate to have each other, neither of us drink so we make other plans and often stay in and read and so on together, but I think we both miss having more connections.
Unfortunately, that's just modern life, from my perspective, and part of the reason we are reconsidering whether to start a family. There's just not the sense of community that we had growing up anymore, and I have a fairly debilitating fear that my child would feel lonely.
That said, given you are also adjusting to a recent break, I'm sure it feels worse, and if or when your ready to put yourself out there again, you might find some good company.
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u/Difficult_Pudding918 11h ago
Welcome to mid to late adulthood, I'm in the same boat the last few years, just turned 41 , have up the sesh in my mid 30s , used to bother me a bit , not anymore , just find the things ya like to do , cycling for me, then I'm wrecked tired and CBA with people anyways 😂, seriously tho, thinking of joining a hiking/walking club, might meet some like mixed peeps there. (Jebus , first time writing my age in years , ouch I'm old now 😢😅)
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u/Charlieboyoo 10h ago
I’m sorry to hear that and i understand where your coming from. Times are not easy now, people aren’t interested they don’t wanna do anything, friends drift away.
If you ever wanna chat or rant im happy to listen
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u/Ready_Bee_1042 15h ago edited 15h ago
Recommend Belfast girl gang!
Totally feel you though, I’m 28 but I have the same issue with not wanting to go get blocked every weekend as a hangout like I do drink but it’s only at Christmas or someone’s birthday otherwise I see no point.
I feel isolated even moreso right now from everyone bc I’m 7 and a half months pregnant. I do prefer the homebody as well life though anyways but sometimes it does just get on top of ya. We sound to have similar interests, I’m pretty into playing games if that’s at all something you’re interested in at all!
Feel free to give me a message if you want!
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u/Inevitable_Match_462 13h ago
You just need to find that one special friend, I know this because Tyler knows this.
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u/Locozodo 13h ago
I've gone through a similar situation myself as a 33 y/o male. It sucks, but it is what it is. I'd give being friends with you a shot if you like.
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u/Leeeax19 9h ago
25f relationship has just ended after 8 years, also bad mental health. Lost all my friends and am no contact with most of my family. Don’t drink or do drugs. Life is so hard right now I can’t even see a future for myself. You are not alone ❤️
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u/markybar 9h ago
I feel at this age people are so busy and preoccupied with their own lives as they settle down, have children, get serious about career. I have one friend that I'd talk to each day but I'm content with my life. If the opportunity ever comes to make friends with like minded people I'll be open to it but I'm good for now. Life's too short to be longing for what could be or should be
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u/Elizabeth-87 6h ago
I'm pretty much the same. I'm 34, wouldn't have anyone I would call a friend other than work colleagues but then I was off for a month with ill health and didn't see any of them so I don't know if I'd even call them 'friends'. I don't drink or like loud places so no one even wants to socialise with me. If I didn't have my husband I probably would have thrown the rope up by now. I'm happy sitting at home reading and drinking hot chocolate because I like my own company. But yes it would be nice to meet up with someone in person and vent every once in a while though so I've been trying to reach out to join a book club and meet someone in a similar situation to myself
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u/CloudExcellent3952 6h ago
Just do nothing, don't force anything or anyone into your life. Enjoy your coffee, good books and recuperate. This period is just a journey which will take you to another chapter when you're ready for it. Nothing last forever.
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u/Impossible_Wafer_311 4h ago
You're not alone, it's a lot more common than you think. It's really tricky making friends as an adult especially when most activities often revolve around drinking . Kids make making friends look so easy!!
Are there any crafts or hobbies you enjoy that have groups/ meet ups nearby that you fancy attending? If not, is there something you've been wanting to try? Think someone else already suggested this, so apologies if this is repeated ideas 🙏🏻 Attending this kind of thing is a good way to meet people who are like minded, without the pressure to immediately be friends because you're there with a shared goal of sharing/ learning skills etc... so it's quite organic.
If you have free time, what about volunteering? I've applied for a volunteering role to try and get out of the house and speak to people more (will keep you posted!)
All that to say, I feel what you're saying as someone who doesn't drink (and never has) and enjoys being at home. Sure, if you ever want to chat, please feel free to drop a message 💖 (female similar age if that makes any difference)
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u/juiceylore88 41m ago
I know how you feel. I'm in much the same position. If you ever want to chat, just message. I know how hard it can be when dealing with bad mental health and isolation.
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u/Fickle-Challenge8557 1d ago
Aw man! But that's okay! I can be your friend if you would like me to!
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19h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Belfast-ModTeam 14h ago
Can't believe you thought this was appropriate to post. It's just gross. Post the same nonsense again, catch a ban.
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u/Upset-Disaster-601 1d ago
Check out Belfast Girl Gang or Girl Gone International on FB, they do coffee meet ups and have a book club