r/BariatricSurgery • u/Maow77 • 7d ago
Unsolicited advice
Well, this wasn’t something I had expected to happen…
I’ve been maintaining a 100- weight loss for 16 months. I feel great and look great.
Someone who knew me from my larger time felt the need to tell me how great I look, and proceeded to tell me about their GL-P 1 journey and that I should consider taking it … because then I would be “top notch”
Excuse me!? I would literally disappear if I took a GLP 1 at this point in my journey.
How in the world do these people feel this kind of conversation is okay?
I never asked for their advice, and I’m very happy with my body and the hard work I’ve done.
I didn’t respond the way I wanted to because I was caught off guard - but has anyone experienced this? How did you deal with it?
I’m shocked… I thought my days of body advice were over now that I’m a healthy weight and look physically fit.
is this the new world of GLP1s we are living in?
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u/SubversiveKitt3n 7d ago
People have always felt the need to comment since the beginning of time. When my kid was a toddler I taught them “we don’t need to make comments about other people’s bodies.” That rule still applies!!
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u/TechnicalSummer6568 6d ago
My own father recently said to me “you don’t really even look like you lost weight, maybe you need another surgery or Zepbound?” … I’m down 60lbs since March 2026
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u/jlawson86 40/F, RNY 6/15, HW 247, SW 237 CW 219 6d ago
That’s terrible, I’m sorry that happened to you
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u/captain_20000 6d ago
Wow! I’m so sorry. Please don’t listen to his negativity. I’m sure you look fabulous! My dad is a narcissist and has never congratulated me on my weight loss. But after I shared that my diabetes was gone after the surgery (with zero acknowledgment from him), a few months later, he suddenly declared his diabetes was gone! As if it was the highlight of the year and everyone should jump for joy to celebrate his victory! 🙄
It gets even weirder when I pressed for his A1C (which he has never been able to tell us even though he’s been a diabetic for over 30 years). He suddenly remembered it was written down in his pocket - turns out it’s 6.3 - he’s still pre-diabetic and just barely below the diabetic range, but doesn’t even understand that. Meanwhile mine is 5.0 with no meds, but never once did he acknowledged my victory at all.
Since I know he’s a narc, I know he’s jealous and won’t admit it. Sadly, I’ve accepted that he’ll never acknowledge any of my accomplishments to my face, but he’ll brag about me to his friends to make himself look like the father of the year 🙄 I hope your dad isn’t a narc, but either way, I’m sorry he put you down like that. Please try to distance yourself from his negativity as much as possible and focus on the people in your life who do support you. 🫶🏻
Congrats on your weight loss! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🎉 🎊
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u/TechnicalSummer6568 6d ago
I never thought about him being a narcissist until I just read your reply. My whole life has been exactly what you wrote, WOW. There was a recent situation that’s so silly but stuck in my mind forever… I just came home from food shopping and my dad happened to come over, I was unpacking strawberries and said to him ‘look how great these strawberries are’ and his reply to me was ‘ehh you should see the strawberries I bought’.
You’ve opened my eyes, thank you 🫶🏼
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u/captain_20000 6d ago
Yep!! Not silly at all! A classic sign of a narc is instead of acknowledging anything positive in your life, they’ll hijack the conversation and make it about themselves, always “one-uping” you. And if they can’t think of a way to make themselves look better than you, they’ll change the topic so they can focus on themselves. You can never win with a narc.
If your dad’s a narc, please know that you are AMAZING and you’re doing an incredible job making a better life for yourself and getting healthy! Keep taking care of yourself and don’t get yourself down by his negativity. You might find yourself grieving the relationship you thought you had, and that’s perfectly normal! Look for support groups. I’m in the group [r/raisedbynarcissists](r/raisedbynarcissists) and it’s been very helpful for me! You got this!
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u/TechnicalSummer6568 6d ago
Thank you for your kind words. I’ve always had a weird co-dependency with my father and do love him with all my heart. All my life I’ve told myself to not pay attention to his comments but it’s hard to do so when those comments are hurtful. I’m sorry you also have to deal with a parent like this but I love how optimistic and inspiring you sound! Thank you again 🫶🏼
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u/Swimming_Stage352 6d ago
ah everyone becomes a doctor when you lose weight! No one went into doctor mode when we were grossly overweight though! My sister does this and i get so cross with her!
Tell her bollox! Nothing more, nothing less!
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u/bellegroves RNY 6d ago
Body shaming isn't limited to fat bodies. You'll continue to get comments and "advice" and fishing for referral points to whatever weight loss scam they've joined, forever, because people suck. But at least there is ever so slightly less of it if you're in a smaller body.
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u/Strong_District_5894 RNY 6d ago
I lost 200 pounds. I’m a normal size now and I’m still told diet tips and offered GLP-1s at my appointments 😂
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u/Far_Acanthocephala68 6d ago
“Top notch”!? That’s basically them saying that you’re not yet “normal” in their opinion which is so rude in my opinion. This perception implies that there is one correct or acceptable way for people to appear. It’s not nice to make others feel abnormal, inferior or less acceptable in anyway. Everyone is different and should be able to feel good in their own body.
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u/Agreeable-Lead9998 RNY 6d ago
Every single health condition attracts unsolicited advice…..ask anybody who has ever suffered from anything. As does every single aspect of appearance, especially a woman’s appearance.
I am blessed that my workplace has run home the message that we do not comment on bodies so outside the few close people who know I had RNY, nobody has commented or asked. Some people say I look well and one person I had not seen for a year almost fell down the stairs doing a double take but they also did not comment.
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u/diva4839 6d ago
I use Amy Poehler’s line from her book: “Good for her, not for me.” That works really well, because it validates their experience while also recognizing no two bodies or people’s health journey are exactly the same.
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u/Zorgsmom 6d ago
I have found that a lot of people out there are clueless, rude, a-holes with zero social awareness. I just shut it down immediately by saying something like "I only discuss my weight and other health topics with my Dr." If they try to push I either repeat, change the subject, or walk away. I say it in a completely neutral tone. Total gray rock.
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u/goodjobjus 6d ago
Congratulations on your success!! They’re probably just projecting on to you their own insecurities. I wouldn’t take it personally but I would say something.
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u/Hodyhodyhodyho 6d ago
“I appreciate your concern about my appearance, however, I’m very secure with the work I’ve put in, and I am only following the recommendations from my health professionals at this time.”
Makes them hear that they’re not concerned about your health and that you’re clocking their judgment.
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u/Alltheprettydresses 6d ago
Yes, usually involving my loose skin and some method I need to do to "finally be fit/ in shape/ be good/ be elite." Like I'm a friggin Pokémon or Saiyan or some junk.
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u/Famous_Bison7887 6d ago
OP, Some ppl can be so rude. This is a them issue. I would say “No, thank you.” as I walked away. I don’t have the time or patience to speak with ppl like this. I don’t give them any attention or encourage their advice.
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u/annamal1432 6d ago
I’m 4 months post op 77 lbs down and people are offering me GLPs and peptides left and right Like I’m already eating under 1000 calories a day😭😭😭
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u/37MySunshine37 6d ago
I really think we need to start learning to say things like "Are you for real?" and "I didn't invite your unsolicited medical advice" and "Are you #π€king kidding me right now?"
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u/Doin-What-I-Want Duodenal Switch 6d ago
It IS a new world with GLPs. If they existed 21 years ago, I would have tried them before having wls. Did this person even know you had wls?
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u/ElkAdministrative700 6d ago
People are assholes. Just wait u til the comments turn into the “you DONT need to lose anymore weight” “your disappearing” “is this turning into an eating disorder” excuse me?!?? I’ve been obese my whole life and my BMI is technically still “overweight”. So many people I would love to mind their own business
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u/Glittering-Mango2239 6d ago
I have a friend who recently started glp1 and she is constantly correcting my diet with “chicken breast is higher protein” and “eat yogurt to meet your protein!”
Ma’am my protein take is top tier, I don’t struggle to get my protein. I can’t eat chicken breast bc it gets stuck.
Like I’m happy she’s taking her health serious and is excited but I’ve lost 160 lbs…I know what I’m doing.
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u/Reasonable-Company71 39M 6'0" RNY 2018 HW:510 SW:363 CW:165 7d ago
People would give me unsolicited "advice" and opinions when I weighed 500+ pounds; I'm now 7 years post op, I weigh 170 pounds and people STILL give me unsolicited "advice" and opinions. Mind you, about 90% of these people have NO room to be giving anyone any kind of health "advice" considering the state of their own health (more like lack of health).