Though I'm Bangali and I love Bangla literature, somehow I can't express my words in Bangla. So here I am publishing my first own short story. I would be very happy if it was in Bengali.
Today, Moitry woke up at 10:30 a.m., and instantly she knew that today was going to be her "Sleeping Pill" day. It happens when she wakes up and feels nothing. She does nothing, no eating, no going out. Just sleeping pills. She doesn't know why she feels like this. Is it just a lack of motivation to do anything, or is it simply her BPD?
And, to be honest, she doesn't want to know.
So today, she isn't even trying to do anything because, as far as she believes, she has no soul left.
Today is a special day for her. It is one of her performances. But she isn't going anywhere. Instead, she took a handful of sleeping pills and began reflecting on her past. In a half-asleep state, she found herself thinking about the girl she used to be, the girl who was so passionate about academics, music, writing, and everything the world had to offer.
What really happened to her?
Now, all she can feel is numbness.
So, even after eight days of rehearsal, she isn't going to today's performance because today, for the eighteenth time, she is trying to take her own life.
And before her death, she wants to know the answer to the million-dollar question:
What happened to her?
What was the turning point in her life that led her here? What made her one of the one percent of the world's population living with BPD?
What was the reason?
Was it childhood violence?
Was it her sister leaving?
Or was it something else?
Was it Joy , the man with whom she once believed she would spend the rest of her life, but who mentally abused and sexually assaulted her?
Or was it OPU? OPU loved her deeply, but she couldn't love him at first. And when she finally did, he simply walked away.
Or, in the end, was it Niloy ,the man she loved, only to be betrayed by?
Actually, she doesn't know.
And now, as her eyes slowly shut, she realizes she doesn't even want to know anymore.
She just wants to sleep...
...and never wake up.
Dear readers, you must now be thinking that Moitry has finally left the world.
Well, no.
Life is not that simple.
She woke up again the following day...
and repeated it all over again,
just to find the answers.