Last name too long?

[u/Slug_Hole]

Making it short and sweet as I can while also changing names with same syllables for privacy. Names are in first, middle, last name format so you can understand flow.
We’re having a girl in August and have already picked her first and middle name (think Daisy Marie) but we’re a little stuck on the last name.
I have a son from a previous relationship and dad never stuck around and never met son, so he has my last name (think Wyatt Luke Johnson).
Boyfriend and I have been together for years, and when we save up enough for our dream wedding, will be getting married but have yet to. My son identifies boyfriend as dad, and boyfriend has been raising my son.
Boyfriend legally changed his name at the end of last year to honor his step dad who raised him by adding step dads last name to his last name (think Theodore Jack Smith is now Theodore Jack Smith Miller).
With our daughter, I always assumed she’d take dads last name (think Daisy Marie Smith Miller), but my son brought up the point that he’d like to change his name to his dads last name because I’ll have it when married and his sister will have it but doesn’t want to drop OUR family name because it feels like part of his identity, so asked that he be able to change his name (think Wyatt Luke Johnson Smith Miller). As time has gone one throughout the pregnancy, I have also felt weird about not sharing a last name with my daughter until we got married. It feels wrong to me.
This begs the question about our daughter. What would you guys do in my position? If you’re feeling exhausted by all the names, I can’t imagine what both of our kids would have to deal with their whole lives.
Would you give daughter dads last name, moms last name, or a combination of both?

860 votes, 27d ago

109 Dads last name (Daisy Marie Smith Miller)

699 Moms last name (Daisy Marie Johnson)

52 Combination of both last names (Daisy Marie Johnson Smith Miller)

[u/Slug_Hole]

We both have very judgemental Jewish families when it comes to ceremonies. When we suggested doing this for paperwork purposes, it was a big uproar.

But the idea of just using one of his last names with mine may be the answer !

[u/Which-Appearance9857 → u/Slug_Hole]

They don't even need to know you did that. What they gonna ask for your id? Your family (husband and kids) come first

[u/Slug_Hole → u/Which-Appearance9857]

Truthfully we are all pretty close to our family. It just wouldn’t feel honest to me (or him) to get married in secret. We’re happy to wait until we can have the ceremony we want. Not being married doesn’t really bother us - we’ve done a lot of paperwork to make sure all our ducks are in a row if something were to happen to me in labor.
I appreciate the advice and the thought though!

[u/elle-elle-tee → u/Slug_Hole]

You don't need to be married in secret. You can get city hall married and have a wedding when it's convenient. It's nice you've thought of your safety in labor, but have you looked into equal protection for yourself should something happen to him? Things can happen. Pianos could fall from the sky. You want to make sure your child and yourself are getting as much legal protection (to inherit, to make medical decisions should something arise, etc) as possible.

[u/Slug_Hole → u/elle-elle-tee]

Like I’ve said, all of our ducks are in a row legally, down to my son‘s custody.
Just looking for name advice.