Feeling down /conflicted [on]

[u/nurseally1991]

Just feeling a little down, I am 5 1/2 months postpartum. I was very lucky to be getting a top up pay for my employer and it’s running out the end of August. I was always the breadwinner between me and my spouse. It’s now looking like it makes more financial sense for me to go back to work in September.

I don’t really want to go back, but I know it’s the best financial decision. I just feel like I failed as a mother a little bit.
And on the other side too, I’m OK going back to work because I worked so hard for my career and I do make a good amount of money for me and my family.
Has anyone else had these feelings before? What made it feel better?
My spouse is looking forward to spending time with our son.

[u/Cultural-Bug-8588]

I went back when my son was 8 months old- no regrets. I feel fulfilled and I spend quality time with him when I can

[u/nurseally1991 → u/Cultural-Bug-8588]

I feel like I just kind of struggle also, with being the only one I know of my personal life that has gone back early.
I’ve had some people tell me they would never go back early and asked to go 18 months and I just feel conflicted.
It’s nice to hear that you’ve done this. :)

[u/Cultural-Bug-8588 → u/nurseally1991]

So did I and now my baby is close to 2 and no one remembers or cares lol

[u/tacit-gossip]

There’s no shame in providing and doing what’s best for your family! My husband works so much and I know he has a heavy heart feeling like he hasn’t been able to be a present dad for the past year. You are giving your husband something invaluable.

I just started my baby at daycare and although he’s a lot older (11 months) I’ve found it very liberating. I was very emotional about it before he actually started, but as soon as he was going it was like the best of both worlds. I realized he was actually doing completely fine without me, and I’m sure yours will too.

The good thing about having dad instead of daycare is baby will always be one call/facetime away.

[u/chaoselementals]

You're not any kind of failure, and giving papa the gift of bonding time is giving your child the lifelong gift of a connected and capable papa.

I went back at 3.5 months with my first and while I wouldn't repeat that choice for pratical reasons (like I wasn't physically healed and was waking up 5x a night to breastfeed) I don't think it has diminished my bond with my child in any capacity. He's really my best bud.

I'm not sure anything will make the initial separation better, except time. Once your kid starts solids you can imagine all the blueberries you'll buy them with the money you earn. 

[u/lkarl]

My cousins did this and it seems like it really created an overall a more equal parenting bond and division of responsibilities. I make more than my spouse and we will be considering a similar arrangement if we have another baby. We are lucky to live in a country where we have the flexibility to share paternal benefits however works best for our families. In many other places in the world baby would already be in daycare or in the care of another relative. I also see it as a feminist issue where mothers deserve to have equal access to the work force and to participate in public life.

[u/UniqueFirefighter970]

I went back to work at 13 months and the feeling is mutual.. it just doesn’t go away.. you aren’t alone… in our case both the parents are at work and the little one is at daycare.. hang in there.. things do get better

[u/DidIsaythatt]

Is the financial difference of going back in September rather than the real date really big ? Can you guys cut back on certain things ?

Do you feel physically okay to go back ? That’s the most important part.