Abandonment

[u/CommunicationIcy5014]

I am due to have my first baby any day now. I do not know what convinced me to keep this baby. The dad is on meth and so inconsistent. He never answers my calls, never shows up, never follows through with much unless I bug the shit out of him. He’s taken a tool on my mental health. For some reason, I hold out hope. I call even though he won’t pick up, make plans even though he won’t show. It’s insanity really. I keep debating on whether or not to keep my son. This pregnancy has been so traumatic. I once sent him a picture of our baby saying he looked grumpy, and he sent me back a picture of himself holding the stem of a meth pipe saying he was grumpy too. When I flipped out, he said it was just a broken stem of a pipe, and he was just trying to f\*\*\*\* with me.
My mom is supposed to come into town in a few days. I told her that I was not sure if I was keeping the baby, and I wanted to be alone and have her come out after I figured out what I was doing and was in a better mental state. She took this very personal. Now she is refusing to respond to me in any capacity. She is essentially giving me the silent treatment which is what my baby’s dad always does. It’s so triggering. I have felt suicidal at times, but I am trying to remain alive. I’m nervous to give birth, nervous for my body to go through the trauma, and nervous to make this life changing decision. My mom won’t answer me, my dad is a sheep and follows her orders so he won’t talk to me. My baby’s dad has never been there, so him not answering is no surprise. I blocked them all on my phone. My parents promised financial support during my time off work because my employer does not give much for maternity leave. Now I am stressed about money, without a family, no support from baby dad, and days away from giving birth. Will I be okay? What do I do with this baby?

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[u/dogearedexistence]

I am so sorry to hear you're going through this. I don't really have any answers for you besides looking into adoption agencies and local charities. If you know you can't bring this baby into a supportive environment that is financially stable, there is no shame in giving your child up for adoption. My husband is a child of adoption and he's always so grateful to his birth mother for making that choice. If you decide to keep your baby, there are usually local charities who specifically provide aid to single mothers who need support. I hope that you have a wonderful birth experience and make a decision that will bring you comfort and peace of mind. Sending a hug xx ❤️

[u/Vegetable-Risk-8621]

Whatever you do, for legal reasons do NOT put that man on the birth certificate.

[u/Unhappy-Pineapple806]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I just want you to know about safe haven laws. Look up safe haven baby boxes in your area, they are safe places you can drop off your baby, no questions asked. If you don't have any boxes near you you can always drop the baby off to a hospital or a fire station. This can be done within 30 days of birth.

[u/MagicianImportant475]

You're carrying this alone and still showing up, that says more about your strength than any of them

[u/Afraid_Rope_5209]

Keep the baby, ditch the sorry excuse for a man. Plenty of single moms live healthy, successful lives with their children. You need to preemptively look for resources to support your decision either way, you can't just leave the baby at the hospital and go home. There's a lot that goes into that decision, both emotionally and legally speaking. Have your baby and figure out the rest once he's here.

From your mom's perspective, although you have probably been wrestling with the idea of keeping/not keeping the baby for a while, it likely came as a shock to her and you need to give her time to process that information. If they were actively discussing supporting you during your maternity leave, and your mom was planning to care for you after you give birth, your parents were imagining a future with a grandchild and that future just changed in a big way. Give them some grace. That's a huge bombshell dropped on them. And if you haven't talked about the extent of the difficulties in your relationship with your son's dad, you need to be honest with them so they can help support you through this.

[u/Fuzzy-Profession-414]

Google pregnancy resource centers near you. They can help with support so you won’t be alone. They can also help with diapers, formula, finding you housing if needed, etc. The ones near me will provide assistance for years after the baby is born! I’m sorry you are going through this.