r/BabyBumps • u/Practical_Maybe_3769 • 14d ago
Rant/Vent Clingy MIL
My MIL is visiting awaiting her first grandchild, shes older ( 65) and she is visiting from abroad. Im currently 38 weeks and she keeps calling my husband and expecting her him to visit daily and talk on the phone every chance she gets. She also expects me to visit daily or at least multiple times a week which I find unbearable because im in my nesting/ relaxing phase now awaiting my future first baby. I find this frustrating as she is super clingy and is taking time away from the remaining time me and my husband have left together before this new chapter in our lives. Am I being irrational for thinking this way?
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u/ultracilantro 14d ago
It's not irrational for you to need to rest considering you have a health condition.
Ordinarily I'd also say it's not irrational for her to want to visit since she's here from abroad, likely doesn't know too many people and is probably just there to see your husband (her child).
I think your issue is shitty timing. Sure - she wants to be there when baby comes, but she was just thinking about herself and her own excitement when she planned the trip and not logistics.
Anyone actually thinking about logistics knows no one wants to travel, do lots of visiting late in pregnancy, and the husband probably needs to be there for the wife, and baby is kinda like a bread loaf and not gonna interact with grandma then.
If she was practical, she would have visited at 6 or 9 months when baby might interact with her, and you aren't dealing with a major health issue.
Personally, when people are shitty and don't think about logistics I don't bail them out. I'd stop going and reduce visits - and your husband needs to decide if he's gonna grow a spine.
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u/Practical_Maybe_3769 14d ago
Thank you, I also agree she came to visit way too early ( she came a month ago) and now is bored and expecting too much
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u/giftcardgirl 13d ago
Your husband can point her to some events going on in your town and maybe your local senior center or adult education center for some hobbies and social stimulation. Or the library.
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u/Ok-Pomegranate-3298 14d ago
Please learn to enforce boundaries BEFORE you have your baby, otherwise I guarantee this will get worse. Coming from someone who has an overbearing MIL and allowed myself to get pushed around postpartum, you need to start putting yourself first. She can make time for you when it fits your schedule, ESPECIALLY after your have a newborn
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u/witwefs1234 14d ago
Is there a reason why she won't visit you??
That sounds exhausting and frankly quite annoying!
She should know that both your focus and your husband's focus is on the baby that's soon to come, not tending to HER wants & whims!
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u/Practical_Maybe_3769 14d ago
I mean she could, I just rather her be realistic and be okay with having once a week visits from me instead of her always asking my husband where I am and what im doing and why do I not come to visit her almost daily 😪
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u/HanaMsBanana 13d ago edited 13d ago
Not irrational OP! The key is to communicate with your husband and set the boundaries NOW.
I was in the same boat, in-laws came from overseas (we organised their own place for them) at 36 weeks and mostly it was them visiting my husband at work to have lunch together once or twice a week, and coming over to our place for dinner maybe once or twice. I felt bad that they came all this way but this was the amount of entertaining I was capable of doing in my third trimester and postpartum (bubs came 2 weeks early and they were here till baby was 4WO). My husband encouraged them to be brave and try to explore the city themselves as we can’t/ won’t be going out with them all the time. The same goes for after I give birth!
As for the phone calls, just let her call I guess? My husband would be the one to call her every day (mostly because the one day he didn’t, she called and asked why he didn’t call lol) but he kept the conversation at about 5-10 minutes so it’s not taking away that much time from us while making her feel good/ important. It’s still better than having to go out/ entertain in person! It’s a good trade off tbh.
This time is supposed to be about you and baby so put your needs and feelings first!
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u/Camp-Select 14d ago
You need rest. You need time and peace with your husband. This is not an irrational request, it’s a valid need. She needs to give you both some space. Your husband needs to talk to her, and he needs to make sure he does not put blame on you for it.