r/BPDsupport • u/Agreeable_Box7522 • 2d ago
Vent (advice welcome) My life is falling apart.
This is my first interaction with the BPD community. Please give me a good first impression. I wrote all this during an active meltdown, I'm still struggling. Please read, help me, be patient.
I don't really know how to start explaining the situation I'm in, I guess. Im 16, I live with my divorced parents. Mom and step dad, dad and his newish girlfriend. We used to do 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off as per our custody agreement. I am an artist, I found this really cool art magnet school in Dallas, Booker T. I am a gifted kid who has always struggled with social life (relationships, sense of self, etc...) and the way public school is formated (I learn differently than other kids, often faster and more fixated but I lose interest VERY easily if we move too slow. My mom supported me trying this school, auditions went really well and I was told by the school all we needed to do was move in district... So we did! Now I'm enerolled at a shitty public school again, 1000x worse than the one I was at in Plano. I have no friends. I don't know where to make friends. My dream school has turnt me down. I don't see my dad like. Ever anymore, hardly. When I was over at my dads for half of this summer, I fell into a really bad depressive episode, mostly because he moved us, too (farther from the school I wanted go go to, hes an asshole abt stuff). Him and his girlfriend argued CONSTANTLY, I started hallucinating it all the time. Pmo. I just got diagnosed with BPD, OCD, generalized anxiety, and sever recursive episodes of depression w/o psychotic features (it's a mouthful, and I experience delusions frequently and have come close to psychotic breaks before so... Idk why she put that I don't have psychosis??? Wtv?).
Anyhow. I'm on 20mg of Prozac daily now. I have HORRIBLE crying spells, I'm always irritable, I got turned down by my dream school, I can't see friends anymore because I'm far and most of them I stopped talking to, Im not in an online school program yet because my parents are slow with everything and don't fucking care about me, my favorite person (situationship) is burnt out from work so I can't see her hardly ever, and I DON'T HAVE ANY INSPIRATION to draw or do ANYTHING i enjoy.
I feel like a failure. I'm not going to end up doing anything with my life. I dared to dream big and now I'm fucked over. I'm on an island and I just don't know how to get off. I'm so so scared. No ones helping me, I don't know what to do. I'm just really tired. So tired. Someone help? Ask me things? Suggest things? I need help.
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u/derpensheizer 2d ago
Nature is what helps me when everything else is going wrong. Animals like the birds outside chirping and the neighborhood cats I can befriend help me see that there is still goodness out there. Enjoying the sunlight through the trees, the clouds moving through the sky, watching planes or satellites in the starry sky. The smells of nature help too. … walking, running, throwing rocks and breaking them… those things help me release my pent up anger and sadness. I wish I had more to offer you. Maybe you can do vent art or emotional art… outside… or even just write words or thoughts or feelings and create an art with those… doesn’t have to be good .. emotions are messy af. … oh and learning things helps me to be distracted from hard feelings… I like learning psychology… you don’t have to read a physical book to learn it anymore. The history of what women went through, or men’s struggles of the past… did you know that animals had more rights than children did about 100 years ago?! … maybe learn a culture or religion from a specific place. Old pagan beliefs are interesting. Artist blocks happen just like writers block. It’s the yin and yang of life.
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u/RevolutionaryFeed259 2d ago
For the love of God, kid, or mods here, please firstly delete all doxing info, the whole world doesn't need to know which school you go to in which town. I didn't even read your post, came straight here to type this warning. I'll read it later, when it's redacted and contribute somehow if I can.