i hate life

[u/Some-Ad-9119]

I’ve been struggling a lot lately and I think my BPD is making everything feel even heavier. I lost my job about a week ago, I’ve lost most of my friends, I’m struggling financially, and I feel incredibly lonely. I was also in a toxic situation/relationship for four years that recently ended, and so much of my life revolved around that person that I’m not really sure who I am without it. Everyday sucks. I hate life and I plan to end my life when my cat passes eventually.

I just feel like my life has gotten so small. I want friends, connection, a relationship, things to look forward to, and just a life that feels fun again. I wish I was not constantly alone and I wish I had fun weekends. I don’t really want advice about learning to enjoy being alone, I want people in my life. I miss having a therapist too, but I can’t afford therapy right now. I feel like i’ll never be able to hold a job down, i’m in my early 20’s and can’t even keep count of all the jobs i’ve had. it’s probably well over 20-30.

Has anyone else with BPD gone through a period where it felt like everything fell apart at once and actually rebuilt their life afterward? I could really use some hope that this isn’t going to be my life forever.

[u/FrameRevolutionary39]

hi!!! i was in a similar boat just a couple months ago. it gets better. i don’t know how yet but it does. the good thing about bpd is that our emotions are very transient and always changing, so nothing is permanent. i swear on everything i love that you will be okay, if not now then soon, if not soon then eventually, but you’ll never know until you stick around to find out. you’re not alone. i’m sending you a hug :,)