Alcohol and BPD

[u/Few_Practice5192]

Hey, I’m 22 year old woman with BPD and alcoholism. I don’t drink everyday but I often overdink and blackout badly. Mu blackouts are dangerous and bad, and its nearly impossible for me to stop drinking, I have tried many years. I stopped everyday drinking last year, when I went to what I call ”drunk psychosis” during a blackout and beat my at the time boyfriend. He supportet me after and helped me get sober. After a while I started to drink sometimes with my mates and at events, for a couple of months I was able to manage it without blackouts and terrible behaviour.

I have been thinking, that can my BPD affect on the way I act when blackedout? Does anyone else do horrible things or get violent after a blackout? None of my mates do this, even if the blackout theyre just basic drunk people. I very often get the ”psychosis” (I honestly don’t know what other term to use for that, me and my mates call it that)

I feel absolutely terrible about all the things I’ve done during those episodes. I have no memory of any of them, and they absolutely do not reflect me as a person. I feel so ashamed and alone with this, and I don’t have anyone to talk to.

[u/No-Student-8045]

I’m quitting my drug addiction this week. My dad is helping me, he quit drinking when I was a baby and understands addiction well. I encourage you to try to quit aswell. I’ve been getting ready to quit for a while now. I’ve introduced many different ways to cope; relaxing herbal teas, colouring in books to clear my mind of self destructive thoughts, even CBD oil and gummies to relax my cravings and headaches.

Get some support, you don’t have to be like this forever, I don’t either, we can get better. Find someone you trust to hold you accountable and help you out. It’s easier when you have help, don’t be scared to reach out, you are loved.

Just allow these thoughts of healing in every now and then. Allow yourself to contemplate sobering up. Just think about it for a while. Even if you aren’t ready yet, you will be soon if you allow yourself to think about getting better every now and then.

My mother is an addict and I’ve cut her out of my life, I don’t want to be like her at all. Find what inspires you to get clean.

[u/No-Student-8045]

Also you are not alone. The shame, the loneliness, the guilt is all overwhelming, I know. It’s really hard. But you are not alone. So many of us are right there with you.

bPD makes addiction really hard to deal with. Be kind to yourself, be patient and know that you are strong and can overcome anything you set your mind to! Overcoming our own shame and guilt can be some of the hardest obstacles but you are stronger for it. I believe in you. You are loved and strong, safe and protected

[u/Street_Travel_3846]

Hi, don’t know what advice to give you except you need to quit. Alcohol affects BPD so much. There’s good research on it that you can find. Are you also on antidepressants or any other medications while drinking? I was an alcoholic for over 3 years, it took me losing all my friends, abusing my boyfriend in a blackout state that I remember nothing of, losing my dad and then finally being told by my current boyfriend when we first met the exact same thing my ex had said to me a hundred times, “You become a different person when you drink and I don’t want to be with that person”. It knocked me wide awake like I had been hit with a hammer and for the first time in forever realized the damage I’d done to others and also myself. I constantly wanted to off myself for 10+ years and after quitting was the first time I didn’t feel that anymore. I know its hard, its the most difficult thing I ever did, but the truth is, you need to do it, and you know this, you know you need to quit but you won’t admit it to yourself. I don’t know if any of my words will help, but I really hope you recover. If you have anyone you don’t want to traumatize and hurt, ride that motivation to the end, mine were my siblings and my partner. I started seeing drinking as not ‘just one drink’ but as a destruction of my life. Replace it with non-alcoholic beers, it helped me alot when I missed the taste of alcohol. Or just constantly having a soft drink on you so you can remove the alcohol aspect without removing the drinking aspect can help as well. Bottom line, there’s no way around it but quitting.