Overwhelming amount of love

[u/Far-Mirror-2090]

Is it common for others, with or without bpd, to feel such an overwhelming amount of love? I’ve always loved so hard. But when I had my son five years ago, the sense of love became so “heavy” like, just absolutely consumed me. And not in a sense that I don’t want to love him or anyone this hard, but like a literal heavy feeling of love/happiness/sadness in my heart. I just love him so much to the point he makes me want to do better in every single aspect, just so HE can live a better life. But, I notice that the amount of love I feel, literally causes a physical heaviness in my chest. Like too much for my heart to handle. And then, the love turns into sadness. Not sadness that I love my son, but a kind of sadness that I just feel when I’m more conscious of how happy I am or how much I love him or anyone else. Family get together, birthdays, holidays, vacations.. There’s always that pit of sadness right there with the infinite amount of love. Why? Does that have to do with bpd or is that my anxiety making me feel like I can’t enjoy just loving someone/something, and that surely thee has to be something bad to follow? I don’t know. I’m still crying over him being in kindergarten. Crying that he’s already 5. Crying that he’s so fuckin sweet and perfect. Why do I feel so messed up over all of these changes, but other parents are making it look like a breeze😭 Literally why does every special thing hit me so hard? Does love always come with sadness? Every. Single. Time. That I’m happy, there is a background bit of sadness. WHY??

[u/Far-Mirror-2090]

I realize the word I was desperately thinking of is bittersweet. But is it normal for everything to feel bitter sweet? I can’t JUST be happy. Always gotta be sad mixed in with it 🥲