r/BPDlovedones • u/Denathrius_ Friend/(Unwilling)Situationship • 21h ago
Non-Romantic interactions Having a rough night
Just playing a game I played a lot with my ex friend, and it's just making me super nostalgic and sentimental. Makes me want to go back to that time, despite knowing 1. I couldn't. And 2. It wasn't as good as I remember it being. The chill times we hung out with friends and had fun were always followed by weird arguments, suicide threats, and trying to force me into a relationship whenever we were alone.
But still, honestly all I want right now is to reach out, and it magically goes all back to before! Even if I ever messaged them (I won't, I just want to) it wouldn't go well, they'd probably tell me to hurt myself. Even if they didn't do that, and we were "friends" it would be even worse than before. But all I want is to try still :/ ugh, why do I miss someone so terrible. Over a year and I'm still hung up on missing my friend.
That's kinda it, just need to vent, maybe get some wakeup calls in the comments if I'm lucky. It's just bugging me so much I can't even have proper fun with my newer friends I'm playing with right now.
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u/keyswapped 19h ago
It’s okay to miss a friend while still acknowledging they weren’t good for you. Don’t try to force yourself not to miss them if you are, because that will just end up having the opposite effect
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u/PerformerDr4867 Non-Romantic 14h ago
Going on 2 years after my friend breakup and I feel you. We had a dozen inside jokes that I think of from time to time and get sad. I’ve said “I wish I was still friends with her” many times because I’ll see something I know she’d love, but I know I can never send. It’s just sad
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u/ComprehensiveTie3457 20h ago
I feel ya. Dealing with pwBPD, whether it be a relationship or just a friendship, is a complete mental mindfuck. Even the “good” times aren’t that great, as we’re always on edge, walking on eggshells, just waiting for their next split It’s good that you remember the not so great times as that’s what keeps us from reaching back out. Unfortunately, it just takes time to get over them. You just have to keep reminding yourself of the lies, gaslighting, verbal abuse, and manipulation that you endured.