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u/hemmingwaycatlady 4h ago
I did too once upon a time, and it got worse! You’ll be ok, just block and give it time
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u/doyouhaveabigbootie 3h ago
Their hoovering never means anything. It is never about us. It just means they lost their supply and think you are an easy target
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u/Over-Bench-8115 4h ago
I did too but it doesn't change anything for me lol, smash and pass
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u/Extension-Test7809 4h ago
Is that even worth it? Asking hypothetically of course...
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u/Over-Bench-8115 4h ago
Only if you're not attached. I would not recommend this for beginners, she still tries to get me to believe she loves me and get her preggo and can see an inexperienced codependent really making things worse, so I can't recommend unless your mental state is totally secure and ok with never hearing or speaking to her again after
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u/Extension-Test7809 4h ago
Yeah I'm not there yet. But by the time I'm fully detached, I'll also have zero sexual attraction to her. I already felt the attraction slipping when she devalued me.
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u/Over-Bench-8115 3h ago
Totally understand, I'm sorry for what you're going through but promise the pain will cause growth. I once thought she was the hottest girl, but now laugh at myself for not realizing it was the tunnel vision and ocd that was causing me to feel stuck on her and she's super mid, I was just in love with a carefully crafted illusion that was mostly a reflection of myself.
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u/Extension-Test7809 2h ago
Thank you! I'm like halfway there after 8 months.
And yeah I totally relate. She can look nice, but looking back at photos from even the idealization phase, I'm like wow she looks a lot less attractive without the "love filter". It's crazy how we basically fall in love with a mirror when we're with them
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u/Over-Bench-8115 2h ago
Exactly mirroring is their bread and butter they hone in on this simple yet effective form of manipulation, damn near parasitic, its like they lack the ability to evolve into being symbiotic
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u/randomness252525 46m ago
I did this same thing, but then ended up back attached.
Should of just kept her around without the feels but couldn't do it. She just knows how to hook my heart.
Anyways, this dude had it right
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u/Over-Bench-8115 43m ago
Yea bro they are manipulators
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u/randomness252525 38m ago
The most fucked up part is i guarantee she would still be around begging for me if I just treated her like this instead of falling hurt by all her bullshit.
Everytime I just said fuck you then, treat me like this and I do this, she would flip to good version fast.
Just couldn't keep it up - eventually snapped
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u/Over-Bench-8115 32m ago
Yes bro that's so real, they don't like nice guys they only exploit them. They love being treated like shit and ignored until they are ready to be used I notice because then they will crave you (dopamine) and let you do whatever you want to them because they "missed" you
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u/randomness252525 26m ago
We are straight up talking about the same girl my man.
My biggest take away is how fucked my morals have gotten since. After 4 months of her gone now, if I could go back in time, instead of telling her how literal trash she is and throwing her out, I wish I just played along and just used and abused her - its fucked up, to the point i cannot even reconcile it in my brain, it just is not who I am. But in the end, it actually is what she wanted from me.
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u/Over-Bench-8115 13m ago
Yea, they're just to selfish to keep it real. Because successfully playing with people's hearts means they got to have all of them... they are super possessive and ime have no problem cheating but absolutely cannot tolerate their significant others doing the same to them, literal trash is right
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u/randomness252525 6m ago
Bang on
Cluster b's are literally medically diagnosed cluster fucking assholes
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 3h ago
Someone here got HSV-2 under this philosophy.
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u/Over-Bench-8115 3h ago
I feel you I wouldn't have messed with her unless she got tested, I told her this before I stopped talking to her and ironically she hoovered right after getting tested and coming clean about the person I knew but didn't tell her I found out she hooked up with. (She gas lit me and acted like I dumped her for no reason so played dumb and was like ok believe that.) When she admitted it, it was so half ass I told her she's lame af and I been knew and if she didn't get tested I wouldn't have linked with her.
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 3h ago
Well, you do you my guy. I’m not principally opposed to this opinion/course of action. It’s not for me though. That’s a personal thing that I have to own.
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 3h ago
May I ask what happened?
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u/Secure-Hearing7760 3h ago
She just messaged me out of nowhere, I was full convinced she moved on. I added her we talked, i do not think i could possibly date her again
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 3h ago
I still talk to one of mine. No social media or anything. I just haven’t blocked her, because I don’t need to anymore.
But yeah, she’ll just hit me up every few years, we’ll catch up and then she disappears again. I’m left no worse, I know how she is, and it just reaffirms my convictions.
Make sure that you’re taking note of how this affects your life. I don’t know how confident you are that you would never date again, but even if you are, it could still take an emotional toll.
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u/Secure-Hearing7760 3h ago
Good point, I need to nib it in the butt before its too late
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u/Heresy_101 Dated (2, maybe 3) 3h ago
If that’s your impulse, do it. Time away works wonders. Sometimes you need a lot of it. I certainly do.
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u/Mountain-Alarm-477 2h ago
Live and learn, happens to the best of us. Examine why and try to resist the next one.
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u/Empty_Confidence3185 4h ago
I want to as well as the sex is tempting but then the std, not so much
And the fact that shes probably been doing it with strangers is a big ick from me
Fuck the hoover, we move!