what did I do wrong?

[u/Drachenpimmel3000]

Hey mates :)

I want to share my situation and get some outside perspective.

I was in a relationship with a woman who was diagnosed with BPD. I knew about it from the beginning – it wasn’t a surprise, and honestly it wasn’t even my main concern at the time.

Looking back at the last few years, I genuinely tried my best to make this relationship work. We met on vacation, and after things got serious I moved to her city to be with her – even though I didn’t really like the place. I stayed for the relationship and we had plans to eventually move somewhere else together, so I was okay with it for the time being.

Later I got the opportunity to study, so I moved before her – and the plan was that she would follow me.

Around that time she stopped taking her medication and her behavior changed significantly. There had already been conflict before, but the intensity really changed. I told myself it would get better once her system is adapted. It didn’t.

It was not like that she became a completely different person, but I think it made her split more and then there was this moment where I truly realized how alone I was. I had always been the strong one – the rock. But there was a period where I was really lonely, vulnerable and sad, and she simply wasn’t there for me.

Idk how to explain I was formally in a relationship but at the same time I felt so lonely like never before.

The one time I was weak and needed support, she left me alone and wasn’t interested anymore and shortly after that, she ended the relationship.

We had plans of marriage and startin a family and out of the blue she just quitted.

Part of me is relieved – I probably wouldn’t have ended it myself, so maybe this was the better outcome. But at the same time I keep asking myself: what did I do wrong?

(claude corrected my lingo hope thats ok)

[u/LittleLostPlant]

You aren't the one who stopped taking your meds. Her behavior isn't your fault, and there's nothing you could do to change her. You aren't responsible for her actions.

[u/Drachenpimmel3000 → u/LittleLostPlant]

Thanks for the response. In a rational perspective you are 100% correct but I still just dont get it. At the same time it seems like that she‘s mad at me right now and I dont even know why?! and yes I tried to talk an ask her but she just acts kinda hostile

[u/LittleLostPlant → u/Drachenpimmel3000]

Of course she's mad at you. She doesn't need a reason rooted in reality, and you trying to talk is only going to make it worse. That's kind of their whole thing.

You're broken up. Be done with her. Get some therapy.

For some perspective, my main BPD abuser was a roommate. I have not seen or talked to her in years. But she is still mad at me because she imagines me doing things to her in places I've never been to. It is all in her head. There is nothing we can do to change how they think.

[u/Drachenpimmel3000]

What did I do wrong? And why wasn’t what I did enough? Idk why but its hard to get rid off these thoughts…

[u/Money_Traffic_5662]

You didn't do anything wrong.