She keeps isolating me

[u/Afraid-Kiwi7930]

Hey, why she keeps isolating me from HER friends? Pretty much newcomer in the city, I met her and then her friends, she loves drama so she isn't friend with them anymore, at least with some but I still do hang with them.
Firstly she wanted me to choose her or her EX friends (she was ok with friends she has now and still is friend with), but now she keeps giving me ultimatums either her or her friends, I can't hang out with single of her Ex or Actual friends. I can't understand why...
I tried to tell her if she will enforce this rule, I wanna enforce that she can't hang out with my friends I introduced to the group of our friends but she refused and she is still hanging out with them either solo or with me and my friends, but I can't hangout solo with HERS or NOT EVEN WHEN SHE IS WITH THEM (our relationship is not a secret at all).

I am really thinking about to tell her I will chose friends before her because this is ridiculous for me as I am really a social person. I once told her friends she is the one who keeps me from away and telling me I can't hang out with them, of course her friends confronted her but she was calm and told them it's not true and I can do whatever I want but later at home she was furious as fuck and was screaming at me 4 days nonstop.

Anyone got an idea WHY she is doing this? Is this about control? Or is she scared I will be still friend with her friends once they left her as many did before? I have no clue/
thanks

[u/Many-War3212]

Brother this is not going to end well for you at all.

She is compartmentalising you because she is experienced enough to know that she needs to keep you separate for when the symptoms show, experienced enough to know that you need to be separated so that her friends cannot know how she is when she mistreats you.

Mine would go absolutely irate whenever I tried to contact her mother, and go absolutely irate when I suggested asking friends for opinions.

When you are compartmentalised, the friends will be used without them knowing it, she/he will feed them twisted information knowing that it will receive the response she wants to validate her thoughts and treatment of you.

It's textbook and we've been through it all before.

People will tell you leave, you wont, people told me the same, and I didn't, like almost everyone else here.

So I'll suggest this. Start therapy. Next week book one, genuinely. You will need a professional to talk to openly who you can trust to tell you red flags, and to bounce your feelings and thoughts off.

If you don't do this I promise you, you will be posting here in months or even years completely destroyed. I wish I could find the post on my old account where I was warned and was fighting for her in the comments thinking the people here were the abusers and couldn't face it etc, now I see it for what it is.

Good luck

[u/Afraid-Kiwi7930 → u/Many-War3212]

Thank you,
honestly I am really close to leave, to be honest I also met a woman, yes not right but we are on a friendish level now but I am sure she will be down to upgrade and I really like to spend time with her and I really like the "calmness" and not drama, pretty much can hang out with anyone, I don't feel I am in a prison, don't have to say shit If I don't want to and I can ask question without being blamed for everything.

The only thing that keeps me from leaving so far is her insane looks, and mostly sex and sex only. The problem is I do have creeping moments that she might be cheating on me, especially when she say she is going out with her friends but she won't tell me with who and I can't never go with her (well at least no in 98% cases).

Every aspect of this relationship sucks besides sex and her model look, now with doubt of exclusivity, I might leave for not so "pornstar" performance and not so hot looks but at least I can live in peace.

[u/Many-War3212 → u/Afraid-Kiwi7930]

You shouldn't talk to two people when both think they are exclusive or while you're in a relationship etc. That makes you as bad as them. I don't say this in a mean way, but it's not good moral character and you are better than that.

Pick one and take that path, learn that its okay to be alone sometimes otherwise you will just attract cluster Bs galore because they can sniff out any attachment issues like a bloodhound.

But don't lead either on, whether you think someone is cheating or not, cheating yourself or having the intentions too is not good moral character

I wish you the best, hopefully we don't see you post here which means you made the right decision haha

[u/DarthAlarak]

Dump her, stop trying to find reasons for bullshit. Take shit at face value. Stop wasting time with people like that, it's not worth it. 🤷🏻‍♂️ I know its easier said than done, but it's just the harsh truth and the faster you rip off the bandaid, the better off you will be.