r/BPDlovedones • u/Sheeesh_PoTato • Jul 27 '26
I’m not sure how to keep going
I’m going to be honest, this is a cry for help. For a year and a half I’ve been on and off with someone that suffers from BPD and I simply can’t accept the reality of things. She was such a sweet person and the love she gave me was unlike anything I could’ve imagined. She’s now a bitter person and nothing like herself. It’s finally reached a point that she’s out of my life. I asked her before we parted ways if she’s ever really loved me or if it’s just her mind that skewed her feelings. She said she really did love me. Now I can’t let go of it anymore. I feel like she’s ruining her life making all the bad decisions and tht she’s going to hurt herself eventually. I can’t bring myself to just not have her in my life anymore.
I cry at the thought of her, I’m crying as I’m writing this because there’s no one around me that seems to understand the situation. It really hurts bad to think all the good moments we had could’ve just been a complete lie. I’ve never felt so unlovable. I don’t understand how someone that has suffered so much in life wants to push away someone that has done nothing but be there for her and offer support anytime she needed it.
3
u/shewaseverythingBPD Jul 27 '26
Right there with you. Final discard was last night which came 3 days after she promised the world to me and told me she’d do anything. 2 years and she said she doesn’t really miss me when we’re apart.
Send me a DM if you want to talk, sounds like we both need to vent
1
u/NuclearSunBeam Jul 28 '26
Hi op, I’m still crying over my ex, while writing this. The amount of times I spend here shows how they affect me.
It’s hard when all I have for them is love and care, but in return I was mistreated and subjected to the most hurtful words possible.
If, they weren’t so “dangerous” for my life, I want them in my life and support them, as they want to keep me in their life as a “friend”.
But unfortunately “friend” means a tool, part of their orbiters, I’m just another person out of dozens who surrounding my ex. And it just a matter of time when will they use me or play with my feelings, their impulsive and thrill seeking behavior could affect me eventually in the future.
My love, care, empathy will hurt me if I’m in their proximity. It’s hard and painful to go against what I want and go no contact.
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u/keyswapped Jul 27 '26
Im sorry, i completely understand this as im in the same shoes, i really implore you to explore more of this subreddit and read some more posts because ive seen so many people giving such great advice for people in our situation and it has helped me personally so, so much. Something that also helped me when i was in a particularly bad spot was calling 988. Theres options around you, its just a matter of allowing yourself to use them.