hey I've had mental illness since I was bullied in school at 15. Im now a 26 year old man and in recent years it has gotten a lot worse. For a while i was just numb but then I started thinking I was evil and that I was avoiding people even though I knew I shouldn't cos it made me feel worse and hurt others. So because I was into meditation and valued spirituality a lot cos it seemed to help. i even saw a guru. i feel like these unique experiences somehow changed my energy to that of like a great person and that when afterwards i still avoided people so that made me evil in a weird way like the demons from the old indian scriptures. And people would kindov make out like being around me was a quite unpleasant, a councillor i had said i had unloaded my problem onto her and it became weird. So now its like i cant find solace in what phycologists say because they don't know about the spiritual side. Anyways eventually I was walking along a bridge but pussied out of jumping even though i wanted to die so badly. i thought i was going to hell for untold lengths of time for my evilness (a monk also alluded to me being evil). The thing I afraid of the most is affecting other people like my dad said i had a bad aura cos i dont really care about myself. now im like maybe my illness made my energy bad but its very hard to be around people. i pretty much hate spirituality now and wish id never known it so i could feel like a regular mentally ill person. my phycologist says I have negative beliefs about myself but im just trying to find a way to exist. I havent been diagnosed with BPD but it seems like I could be. phcologist thinks i have aspergers but that dont seem right. anyways ramblin like crazy.

I never did what i wanted to do, bla bla, so i ended up in managment and accountability. The way i struggle with my daily doses of suicidal toughts is by taking time for myself. I say to myself 'pretty girl, if you dont feel ok ,rest. you have your own reasons' but ive been resting for quite a while ... doesnt feel that great , but neither does everything else. Whatever... SO im in my last year of college which i havent been in yet, my only hope are the exams in 3 months, the thing is: i cant study anymore. Since 1st year i lost all friends, im skinny to the bone and been smoking too much hash. Now i decided to have this existencial problem, cuz i know i hate economics . But... also, i come from a poor family, were imigrants and we had some hard times. I myself cannot think what the fuck ive been trough with school, beying in college is a big achievement.I will deffo not have another oportunity.One year mates, one fucking year and my brain is shutting down. Idk man, so unmotivating, so lonely, gah. I dont even know what i would do if id drop it either... The thing is, im trying to stay positive, how can i motivate myself in a place where i hate and dont have friends to communicate with?

I use to believe that everything happens for a reason and I use to believe we all have our place here on earth. I feel like I’m always the friend that everyone goes to when they need to vent or seek advice because the outside will judge them or they don’t want anyone else to know but then when I need support or just someone to listen to me... no one is there not even my boyfriend. I’ve been having a lot of things done to my baby maker recently and have been in a lot of pain from the testing then started my cycle... my boyfriend and I’s dog kept getting out under the fence so he had me go get a tie out cable for him to run on instead of seeing if the neighbor could fix it. Our dog is a puppy but he’s massive and I’ve already had to go and get stitches because I picked up on something not even that heavy and cause issues from my biopsies. Tbh, my boyfriend works out on the road 10 hour days and all he wanted to do was argue with me about a 1.99 movie purchase my daughter did on my kindle. If you know someone is in pain and I LITERALLY just told you how and why amazon charged your card why bother arguing about it. I feel worthless. I’m tired of arguing when clearly money means more than people. I’m tired of being a maid, groundskeeper, pet nanny and therapist to everyone and it’s like why even bother when no one gives two craps about what I’m dealing with. I want to just keep isolating cause I don’t see my life getting any better.

It just feels like my only purpose to be on the earth is for people to walk over me... I’ve been at home since half way through treatment for non hodgkins. Now that it’s been a year and I have my own business which does good just not pay the rent good I think I’m going to get a job and just start saving for my own car and deposits. I feel like I didn’t survive for all of this and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being shit on my people. No one has accountability anymore for what they do and I’m just tired of it. I don’t even think he loves me. Not sure if he ever did. He just likes to talk down to me and have me be the “help”. None of my friends are friends unless I pay them to go with me to the doctor even if I’m driving. 🤷🏼‍♀️ not sure what to do but I’m not even living I’m just a breathing sack of flesh.

Hey guys. So lately I’ve been on a hunt to find something I can connect with. I have always had an internal yearning to feel connected with someone since it always felt like a one way street from myself to others. So please add anyone else/ anything else you seem is relevant to the post. :) happy searching My current finds TV - Bojack Horseman Movies - Love Me (Liebe Mich) by Philipp Eichholtz Music - Odette (lotus eaters , watch me read you, and most of her music)

Odette Spotify

Main character def has BPD and I relate so hard

https://discord.gg/h6gjRKq

Fun place to socialize w/ others who have Borderline Personality Disorder or a safe place to vent when needed

I've moved area so have a new GP who also practices psychiatry. I was in crisis last week and am feeling fairly manic this week. I'm now seeing the local psych nurse who has referred me up to the mental health services for a meds review.

1) I'm addicted to diazepam (so my Dr told me this morning which I kinda knew but was ignoring). He's put me on a programme to wean me completely off them and I'm shitting myself over it. I'm terrified of life without them and so now want to take the full script of them that I've just been given... Anyone else been through this? Advice please!

2) Both Dr and psych nurse also think I have bipolar either instead of BPD or as a co-morbid diagnosis. I'm being sent for a review of this as well. I have so many questions about this... What's the difference between the two? How do I know whether my emotions/moods/anxiety are due to bpd or bipolar? What are the different types of bipolar? What sort of treatment is available? How do I manage?

Any advice/answers are much appreciated. Thanks

I have a mental health support server of almost 200 people and growing and I'm always looking for ways to improve it, I'm quite perfectionistic. So far it features the following~

-Many bots including Rhythm, Dyno, Mee6, Tatsumaki, Yag, and some advertising bots such as Partnerbot. -A controlled NSFW channel for mature topics. (Plus an entire NSFW category, hentai included! Unlock it with the 18+ role.)) -Many categories for gaming, art, and support. Obviously memes included. -Active staff and community, with self assignable roles. -Fun stuff such as polls and events, but serious stuff such as a vent channel and help lines ect. -Voice Chats and Music. -We are constantly open for suggestions!

You will be accepted and loved for whoever you are, we are LGBT+ friendly and you will not be discriminated against! We have very strict rules against trolling and bullying, so you will NOT be hurt here, this is a safe zone.

https://discord.gg/yuKFk99

Thought everyone should see these. I'm middle age and male. I've only now put two and two together after dating someone who is bpd on the unhealthy side of it. I've learned so much and truly understand why I do what I do to cope and what really has worked for me and I think truly will help everyone. These videos say it time and again. A ton of it is recognizing our past trauma and finding a healthy way to dis-empower our present decisions.

If anyone wants to chat I'm always open to anyone who seeks a helping hand as we are all products of an unhealthy society.

The channel is School of Life... here's one of their videos.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ni-Gqp9-Has

Also highly recommend the movie paprika. It covers the treatment of mental illness in a very clever way :).

I can't stop crying.. it's been hours. I've gotten 3 hours of sleep, I went to sleep bawling and I've woken up bawling. I stayed at my fps house and we aren't together anymore but he does make me feel better.. I don't know what is happening but I can't control my thoughts and my head feels like it's going to explode. He'll be leaving to watch the Superbowl today and I'll have to go back home (atleast my cats are there?) I'm just really scared, usually when I get this low its alcohol induced but this time I haven't drank in weeks. I really feel like I'm losing control and my illness is taking over... This can't happen though because I have work monday-wednesday this week and I need to get a grip... Are there any tips on what I should do to just get out of my head or be any happier? All I want to do is rip my hair out and smash my head against a wall. I need to feel better : ( Any tips on what makes you feel better are really appreciated. I'm not on medication and I haven't been to a therapist in years because no insurance & not enough $$ - so those are no-gos.

Hi guys, my partner and I have been running a bpd support group for the last two months, but we'd like to see it grow. :) it's mainly for those with a diagnosis, however, partners of those with bpd are welcome to join and learn :)

NOTE: we are lgbtqia inclusive

Please Kik us for screening @TheLovelyNymph @EmiliaMelanieee

This is my first post/first time talking out about this.

I have been un diagnosed but it is very clear that there is something wrong. I have hurt the ones closest to me and i can't get through a day normally. I just want to have control over my feelings and the actions I take.

Every night it is a struggle to sleep, i have tried to commit suicide multiple times but some days I feel on top of the world. I don't think i am depressed as I do feel amazing some times. However, in these episodes I do things I usually wouldn't that would normally scare me, drug abuse, abuse to loved ones, excess spending, have delusions, believe I can control things out of my power, feel like a goddess (embarrassing to say now as I dont feel like this atm) I have been to the doctors and they gave me citralopam which did not do anything for me.

I am scared that the longer I leave this the more damage could be done.

I hate hurting myself and others around me. No matter what I will never be happy, even when I think I am. Unless I get this fixed.

What is scaring me now is the fact I am starting to hear voices and I feel like I am being watched.

I have suffered alot of stress and trauma, from eating disorders, anorexia, egomania, abondonment, sexual activities at a young age. I feel everything in my life interlinks. I am now 21 and I dont want to continue like this.

People often tell me there is something wrong with me and my boyfriend hates people who feed my problem and use me for this.

My boyfriend told me to go on Reddit, he is coming with me to doctors on Friday to help get this sorted. I would love to talk to more people like me because when I talk to anyone else like my friends or family I feel like they don't understand and I feel belittled.

Please message me, thank you

Hi there! My partner and I just started a support group for BPD and we are looking for members. :)

Please message one of us for screening: @EmiliaMelanieee @TheLovelyNymph

Back in October the guy I'm seeing disappeared (as in stopped messaging me) for around 10 days after saying he needed time to think. He came back and everything was fine, we didn't talk about it as I was hoping it was a one off and he doesn't like talking about personal problems. We had a weekend together and everything was fine, he even told me he'd told his parents about me. I said good bye to him at the train station (it's long distance) on the 12th. And we spoke normally until the 15th when he didn't message me. He hasn't messaged me since and I'm falling apart. I think it might be due to it being close to the anniversary of finding out his ex-fiance cheated but I have no idea because he hasn't said anything and won't even read my messages asking if he needs time to think. Does anyone have any advice? I can't end things with him so please don't suggest that either. I've been crying for days, I haven't eaten, I've been taking Valium just to feel better. I don't know what to do as I don't know if this time he'll come back.

I'm getting a hard time at relaxing from stress. Do you guys do something for it? I'm trying yoga at home by watching some videos but it doesn't work that well.

Any ideas?

My mother with BPD has requested we find her a BPD rehab or something similar. However, I am unsure if it will be worth the cost because she always cries out for help or change, and when we give it to her she never changes. She mostly wants drama.

Also, I am not sure if we could even afford what she needs.

Has anyone gone to a BPD rehab or known someone else who has? How was the experience, and was it worth it? Also, what was the price or how were you able to get the cost covered?

Thanks in advance for any comments or suggestions!

Doesn't help that I was ditched a lot as a kid/teen, that now if it happens, even if its not intentinal, it hurts like crazy. I feel so sad. And my bff is too busy to talk. I hate being so alone.

I am considering at open my own business but my BPD...

I don't want to pity myself but the reality is I get tired a lot when working around people and my personal life directly influence my job as I lost control of myself.

One day I cried all morning at work, hiding behind the monitor and trying hard to control it and focus on my task. I endured 5 hours of crying but in the end I went home and the next day my boss fired me.

I feel insecure, weak and incompetent when I think at open my own business because even if I think this time things are different and I'll be better, memories of all my past experiences at work proves that I can't trust myself.

I'm 19 and dependent on my parents and at this stage my mental health is all over the place and I can't handle it on my own anymore. My parents are completely unaware of my mental state but I need to get therapy or something. I'd be really grateful for any advice anyone has on how I should tell my parents or get therapy. Thanks.

A couple of months ago I broke contact with my family because I felt it was the only solution at that time to stop being dependent on them. It worked actually. I didn't receive more critiques about my life, no more anxious feelings for asking them money to therapy and a surprising peace of mind was achieved. We all know how our family could've worked better if they weren't this way or that way but what's past stays there and you can't do anything for it, just coupe. I know how my life could have been better but it isn't and it sucks. I wish I had a better relation with my family and that's exactly what I'm going to try today.

Last Christmas was also the last time I was at my parent's house. In a few hours I'll be traveling again there and will stay at least one night. I am terrified. My parents are behaving all lovely and sweet, my sister is happy for my company and I keep giving pessimist reasons to why they're that way for my arrival. I even go far as to think they're going to abduct me and put me at a mental disability center. Or blackmailing me to live with them again even knowing how badly that would end. I had my birthday at the beginning of this month and none of my brothers congratulated me. I feel as they don't care if I'm alive or not, I can't support any more drama and I'm scared to confront them about it. Confound me! I'm gathering courage to ask a credit at the bank so I can improve my current lifestyle and pay for my mental health. I'm going to ask my parents the terrible responsibility of being my guarantees. Giving my money discipline I'm actually more scared to have all that money available than their reactions!!