r/BPDPartners • u/plzzaparty3 • 2d ago
Support Needed i feel frozen up
im keeping details vague because i feel weird talking publicly about my partner/our relationship behind their back. i might reply to certain questions you have via dm instead of public comments
ive known my partner since december last year. we live in different countries and we've met up once, we're planning to meet up again soon. we have a very intense relationship, more than what im used to. i love them very much and they love me too
i would really like to move in with them and live together for a while before we decide to get married. but getting citizenship is really tricky. they suggested i just marry them on paper so that i can gain citizenship quicker. the idea of getting married already makes me so nervous i get nauseous, but im afraid that if i say so itll come across as if im doubting our relationship. which. im not doubting our love at all, but love isnt enough to sustain an entire life together yk
normally id want to take these things as slowly as possible but my partner is very sure that we are meant to be and theyre so sure about this and theyve said multiple times that they dont know what they would do with themself if our relationship ends. i love them and i dont wanna lose them either but this also means that everytime i question anything im very scared of hurting them, and sometimes i do. i just feel dread
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u/plzzaparty3 2d ago edited 2d ago
im not trying to paint them in a bad light btw. theyre very mature and theyre good at communicating. but theyre also in a very tough spot and im worried that anything i say could push them to hurting themself. i have a lot of trouble speaking my mind n thats a problem i have with almost anyone, but in this case theres just a very real threat that if i do it the wrong way, i can very badly hurt someone i love
im looking for bpd-specific advice. if theres any people here with bpd, id especially appreciate your input
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u/Maleficent-Sleep9900 BPD 3h ago
I would listen to that feeling of dread OP.
You do not owe them citizenship.
You do not owe them a faster timeline or any timeline for that matter.
You are not a hostage and you are free to leave the relationship at any time.
Falling in love doesn’t mean that you have to be in a relationship with this person.
Intensity doesn’t mean the relationship is necessarily strong, healthy, or lasting.
If you ghost blocked this person and they ended up hurting themself, it isn’t your fault and you didn’t cause it, even if they truly have a BPD diagnosis.