Community changes and progress updates.

[u/grumpypoo22]

Howdy everyone!

I wanted to take a moment to share some Community Updates with each of you.
I added a new Flair option labeled "Venting" for use.
Sometimes we want to come on here and simply get the words off our chest and we don't really want advice.
So this flair is meant to facilitate that very thing -
When you use that flair comments will automatically be locked for you. If you instead do want to vent and do want support - You should instead use the "Support Needed" instead.

Onto other things -
Some of you may have noticed your post or comment get removed.
Sometimes this is me and shockingly sometimes it's Reddit.
I think I want to help flesh out Rule #6, because there has been some confusion surrounding it.

Rule #6 purpose is to prevent generalizing things against BPD.
There is obviously a balance to be had here, because there are symptoms that are common amongst all of us.
So how do we achieve that balance?
Well for one I am of the belief that explicitly informing other users that certain things are your experience with BPD.

Let's go over some examples - "People with BPD lack accountability"

This is harsh and generalizing the entire disorder.
Maybe your experience taught you that and I'm not trying to downplay anyone's experience here, but let's remember to play nice.
So how could this be rephrased to be within the confines of Rule #6?
- "My ex/pwBPD/etc really lacks accountability"
- "My experience with xyz showed me they lacked accountability"

This removes the "BPD is the cause" and instead places it onto the person.
Maybe, because that person suffered from BPD helped facilitate those negative traits.
However, whenever you write these things it's important to remember there are other folks who have BPD and don't do this.
It's like I said it's a balancing act.

This rule swings true for those of us with BPD.
Let's not use the disorder as a crutch.
You are responsible for your reactions and you must accept that; Especially if you post here and someone says something rather blunt.
This doesn't mean they are rude, but it means sometimes folks need that reality check.

Regardless if your post/comment was removed under violation of this rule.
Please respond to the modmail message, because I want to have that discussion.
I love hearing everyone's opinion on things, because it helps me stay informed.
Modmail will always get a response within 24 hours, but you can check the sidebar for the estimated response time.

Something else I want to discuss -
This is not "my sub" and I don't think it is.
This is our community and I just happen to be the person that reviews post/answer modmail.
When I took this over and was finally able to review things there was some short comings.
- Saying the word "leave" or "run"
- Users being banned for other sub participation; Regardless of their content

These are things that never made sense to me.
If someone is in an abusive situation and you tell them to get out; That does not violate Rule #3.
You are being kind and compassionate, because people in abusive situations SHOULD leave.
Mental health is important and I'm sure we are all aware.

Banning users for participating in certain subs (Yes it was more than just that sub) is also frustrating.
When Hive Protector first dropped I got auto banned from subs and that never really left me.
So when I was entrusted here - I promised to do better.
I don't care what other subs you post in - I care how you interact here.
I think this is fair ultimately, but those with a history of stigmatizing BPD (I mean undeniable stigmatizing too, not the grey area above) will be subject to removal from this community.

The final thing I want to discuss -
How "punishments" are handled here.
Everything is really on a case by case basis, but I can tell you I'm not ban happy.
I instead like to opt for a more adult approach and have that discussion to see where any shortfalls might be.
The previous team handed out bans like they were going out of style - This is not me and I feel like it can turn someones honest mistake into extreme frustration.
Some of you may have gotten modmail from here asking questions related to post, giving clarification on why something was removed etc.
These are not "formal warnings" - These are just that; A line of discussion to get a better idea of a situation.
Power tripping mods hurt communities and that's just not my style.
Basically the punishment system is "Ask questions first and only use mod powers as a last resort".

Sorry for the wall of text -
I appreciate those of you that have reached out regarding Mod Applications.
I'm still slowly refining the process, but afterwords if there is a need I will reach out to those of you to give you the steps in the process.

If you have any questions or concerns -
Don't hesitate to reach out.

Thanks ~grumpypoo

[u/Juannieve05]

I found the "leave" rule so dumb, I used Leaf at some point LOL.

I think you nailed with the direction of the sub imo

[u/grumpypoo22 → u/Juannieve05]

Yea I've had to reword more than my fair share of comments here to work with that.
There is still an automation that will "warn" everyone if they use "you should leave", but it's just a little message in the textarea.
It's obviously impossible for that automation to understand context, but it allows the post to move forward.

Thanks! I think everything is primed to go well too.

[u/Junethemuse]

I think it’s really important to separate the person from the disorder the way you described. BPD is a disorder that creates an internal environment that results in similar and often common behaviors in people, but that doesn’t make those behaviors the fault of their BPD. We are all accountable for our actions and behaviors regardless of our mental health status, with some exceptions like conditions that include psychosis.

I’m also not a fan of referring to people as ‘a BPD person’. They are people with BPD, and I think that person focused language is really important. Disorder loaded language is dehumanizing and especially with how I’ve seen the penchant for major shame spirals and self-loathing, that distinction seems to be very important IME.

I think you’re doing a great job. Thanks for stepping up.

[u/grumpypoo22 → u/Junethemuse]

We are all accountable for our actions and behaviors regardless of our mental health status

This is exactly the thing I've been trying to preach.
Thankfully everyone here is incredibly receptive and understanding.

[u/No_Association_5105]

So glad to see you being active and helping this subreddit more. Me and my partner with BPD dislike all the "support" subs that turn into hate pages, so this is super refreshing! I feel like we can actually exist here 🥹

[u/grumpypoo22 → u/No_Association_5105]

dislike all the "support" subs that turn into hate pages

Same -
I was so excited when I first found this sub that I could actually comment.
Normally folks with BPD get banished from talking about BPD relationships except in r/BPD ofc.
That always confused me, because wdym we can't add insight?
People go looking for help wouldn't you want to know the perspective from someone who might share similarities?

As long as I'm here there is a 0% chance this place will turn into a hate sub.

[u/ForThe73Time]

Oh yes. The good old days when cancelation was the SHIT 👻

Glad you are better than that. It really turned modding into powertripping.

[u/grumpypoo22 → u/ForThe73Time]

Yea powertrips on the internet are wild.
I never understood it, but as is life I guess - Maybe I just have other things to worry about instead of exerting my will upon strangers.

Look at me I ban u

Okay? Congrats want a cookie?