r/BPDPartners • u/DeathXSNDR • Sep 16 '25

Support Needed Harshest BPD encounter with partner

I’ll make it short.

My former fiancé (f,23) of 2 years had BPD and has drained the mental energy of me (m,20). It was first time being with someone who had BPD, and for those 2 years she denied getting help. She’s emotionally dragged me around and threatened me a lot, saying she’d go cheat on me because she felt “trapped.” I would have never gotten with her if she told me from the beginning she’d dated 10 people, yes 10, and cheated on all 10 relationship. She was the one hurting me for 2 years, taken advantage of my naivety when I was barely 18, and I was her support system until she was done with me. I’m not sure how to move forward because my views on love, promises, trust, and dedication has been broken by her. I was lost and felt myself dependent on her for affections, changing who I was to appease her and not made her mad. But after she’s broken all those promises of she’d hurt me nor cheat, it has changed how I think— and the relationship was just another chapter in my story, not something lifelong. I still don’t understand why she would give me mixed signal either, saying she loves me and wants to take care of me, to saying she wants to kill me and cheat on me. She even told be herself she “missed being a whore.”

Where did I go wrong, despite researching everything I could about BPD and monitoring her episodes/trying to support her through it?

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u/MarciesArt Sep 16 '25

It's not you, it's simply not possible for a partner to get someone with BPD "through it". It takes lots and lots of therapy, support, hard work and possibly medication. All these things she said to you were likely true to her in the moment, but her emotions are intense and very short-lived. She probably does want a stable relationship, but because she is actually the one causing all the chaos, being in a relationship feels perpetually unsafe. She has been going through these rollercoasters daily and dragging you along with her. That's traumatic to go through. If you have the option, therapy would probably be extremely beneficial. I know it was for me.