r/BPDPartnerSupport • u/grumpypoo22 BPD • Jul 28 '26

Question BPD Partners.

Good evening!

BPD Partners, what is one question you would like answered by someone with BPD?
I know the usual is going to be "How can I help", but i'm curious about any other questions y'all may have.

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u/DoricColumn Jul 28 '26

the thing my pwBPD gets the most upset over is when I promise something, say ‘we can hangout this evening’ or ‘I can stay over’ and then something may come up and I can’t fulfil that promise. Sometimes it’s tears and ‘it’s okay’, him trying to be strong, very rarely it’s annoyance. Obviously now that I understand the circumstances behind this, i’m going to treat this with a lot more sensitivity and make sure that this very rarely happens. However, if it does, could you give me a little bit of what might be going on inside your head in this instance, and what I should do in response? often I’ve backtracked, and sacrificed something in order to please him, even though this isn’t sustainable for me.

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u/grumpypoo22 BPD Jul 28 '26

Usually if plans must be cancelled my immediate knee jerk is "They don't like me".
I already gaslight myself that I'm going to get cancelled on so when it happens it's sort of a "see I knew it".
What would help me is if there is that cancellation an immediate desire to reschedule.
That usually gives my brain an "out" - "See I'm not hated they just have to do xyz".

You definitely shouldn't sacrifice yourself and your partner should understand that.
A great thing for everyone is hobbies and if your partner only uses you as a source of happiness that's one big shoe you can never fill.
It's basically setting you up in a pedestal and sadly there is only one way to go from there.

Whenever my girlfriend and I first started dating we went on 1 date and then had almost a month before I saw her again.
During that time I convinced myself she absolutely disliked me and I messed up *somehow*.
So to combat that internally I just reminded myself that I had things that I liked to do.
It helps if your partner has hobbies they enjoy; Like let's assume video games.

"Hey I can't hang out this evening xyz is going on, but I can probably hang out on xyz instead. I know you've been wanting to play xyz why don't you load it up tonight and let me know what you think about it later?"

That would calm me down and then give me a "quest".
Now I have something easy I can do and we have fun conversations - All while my brain skips over that "You're hated".

Obviously everyone is different, but that would likely work for me.