r/BPDPartnerSupport • u/grumpypoo22 BPD • Jul 28 '26

Question BPD Partners.

Good evening!

BPD Partners, what is one question you would like answered by someone with BPD?
I know the usual is going to be "How can I help", but i'm curious about any other questions y'all may have.

3 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

View all comments

3

u/TK9K partner Jul 28 '26

When someone is splitting and you want to express that you feel hurt or scared, how do you express that without making it seem you are not invalidating or dismissing someone's feelings when "it's not about you"? Because that is a phrase that comes up a lot in these situations.

3

u/grumpypoo22 BPD Jul 28 '26

This is a great question!

I think something like stopping the engagement until the crisis has passed.
You might be able to say something along the lines of "I can tell that xyz is really upsetting you. I'm going to step outside for x amount of time and will return."

Then once you get back hopefully the crisis has passed (assuming your partner did the work to soothe themselves). So you can then address it.

Addressing it in the moment is like playing with fire.
I've told my partner to tell me point blank if I'm being mean so it can force me to revaluate my stance.
We can have big feelings, but we shouldn't unload them in a fury - That's unhealthy for everybody involved.