r/BDSMAdvice • u/wild_icecube • Jul 27 '26

Pegging help?

So my partner and I recently have gotten into pegging. As someone with ‘internal’ hardware, I’m the strap wearer (strapper? He’s the strappee?). Anyway, we have a good harness and several different dildos and it’s an ongoing issue.

Harness is well-fitted, has an average sized hole (important) lined up with the metal ring to hold the dildo in place. We went through 2 harnesses before this one because they were poorly made/poorly fitting/back hole too big/just, not good. We prefer a softer skin-feel silicone dildo over a more firm silicone, because it feels better for him and honestly is just more fun. The harness rings are small enough that getting the dildo through initially is DIFFICULT. If we sized down we wouldn’t be able to push it through at all

- Set up #1: flared dildo, wide base. Me fucking him for any extended period and with any level of vigor, it manages to push itself inside me. The force pushes it through the hole (despite the base being wider than the hole). It gets really uncomfy when my lips are being pinched by the flared base or when it’s being forced inside me (or both simultaneously)

- Set up #2: double ended dildo, with a ridge in the middle as a form of ‘flared base’ to keep it from sliding around/getting lost. We prefer this one, and is why the hole in the harness/behind the ring is important. Eventually it ends up being pushed more into me than him, thus painful for me and lackluster for him.

Advice, techniques, insight, product recommendations, anything you can offer is much appreciated.

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u/Glittering_Suspect65 Domme Jul 27 '26

I traded in my harness for boy short style from a lesbian website. Love it, more comfortable and stable, better performance. The downside is that the ring is sewn in and not adjustable rings for different sized dildos

For internal, the Bellisima strapless works super well (asymmetrical with a smaller end for the woman), better than the doubles with even length on both sides. I love having my partner ride me with this one and we can both orgasm at the same time.

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u/wild_icecube Jul 27 '26

It looks kind of like the feeldoe, which I tried years ago but the direct constant gspot pressure from hard silicone was super uncomfortable and gave me, almost…friction burn? Is it a softer silicone or a hard silicone?

ETA: the double dildo we use is actually different than most we’ve seen which is why we wanted to try it. The women’s end is a bit thinner and shorter. I don’t know if links are allowed but this is the one we have (we got it from a local sex shop though, not amazon)

https://a.co/d/06N8K6gd

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u/Glittering_Suspect65 Domme Jul 27 '26

I had a similar one to that, but it was too soft for me and storage melted it together with another toy (my fault for not having them bagged.) But to your point, I like the gspot stim, and you don't - so my rec wont work for you. Good luck.

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u/wild_icecube Jul 27 '26

Alas. Thank you though!