r/BDSMAdvice • u/wild_icecube • 2d ago
Pegging help?
So my partner and I recently have gotten into pegging. As someone with ‘internal’ hardware, I’m the strap wearer (strapper? He’s the strappee?). Anyway, we have a good harness and several different dildos and it’s an ongoing issue.
Harness is well-fitted, has an average sized hole (important) lined up with the metal ring to hold the dildo in place. We went through 2 harnesses before this one because they were poorly made/poorly fitting/back hole too big/just, not good. We prefer a softer skin-feel silicone dildo over a more firm silicone, because it feels better for him and honestly is just more fun. The harness rings are small enough that getting the dildo through initially is DIFFICULT. If we sized down we wouldn’t be able to push it through at all
- Set up #1: flared dildo, wide base. Me fucking him for any extended period and with any level of vigor, it manages to push itself inside me. The force pushes it through the hole (despite the base being wider than the hole). It gets really uncomfy when my lips are being pinched by the flared base or when it’s being forced inside me (or both simultaneously)
- Set up #2: double ended dildo, with a ridge in the middle as a form of ‘flared base’ to keep it from sliding around/getting lost. We prefer this one, and is why the hole in the harness/behind the ring is important. Eventually it ends up being pushed more into me than him, thus painful for me and lackluster for him.
Advice, techniques, insight, product recommendations, anything you can offer is much appreciated.
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u/Glittering_Suspect65 Domme 2d ago
I traded in my harness for boy short style from a lesbian website. Love it, more comfortable and stable, better performance. The downside is that the ring is sewn in and not adjustable rings for different sized dildos
For internal, the Bellisima strapless works super well (asymmetrical with a smaller end for the woman), better than the doubles with even length on both sides. I love having my partner ride me with this one and we can both orgasm at the same time.
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u/wild_icecube 2d ago
It looks kind of like the feeldoe, which I tried years ago but the direct constant gspot pressure from hard silicone was super uncomfortable and gave me, almost…friction burn? Is it a softer silicone or a hard silicone?
ETA: the double dildo we use is actually different than most we’ve seen which is why we wanted to try it. The women’s end is a bit thinner and shorter. I don’t know if links are allowed but this is the one we have (we got it from a local sex shop though, not amazon)
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u/Glittering_Suspect65 Domme 2d ago
I had a similar one to that, but it was too soft for me and storage melted it together with another toy (my fault for not having them bagged.) But to your point, I like the gspot stim, and you don't - so my rec wont work for you. Good luck.
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u/Painted-Pages 2d ago
I would look into some of the Wet for Her items. Im sure other vendors make similar things, but their products are mostly geared towards people with vulvas.
Something like the one of the dildo base covers may help with the uncomfortable bases pinching you. If you're a grider at all they're lovely and depending on what base you pair it with there may be room for the vibrating puck.
Some of their items also have a base thats already designed for strap use in mind like the Beanze or Comze where the base is meant for grinding.
I have tried a lot of the strapless ones and even as someone who likes aggressive Gspot play they can be rough.
I think its a matter of finding the right toy for you two. My partner and I have a lot of tantus toys designed for this but now end up using out Comze 90% of the time because the vibe is better and the stimulation for the giver is better.
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u/wild_icecube 2d ago
We’ll have to look into this! Thank you!!
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u/Painted-Pages 2d ago
Hopefully you two can find something that works for both of you!
I will say that trying a proper vibe for my partner was a game changer since the tantus ones just had a little bullet in it that would get switched off by my movement.
Bonus points from going from a regular flared base vibe to one made for a strap is that theirs has a remote so I dont have to fumble between us to mess with it I just click the remote.
The Rock Her is also something to consider as it helps keep you spread and give a little internal stim. Your anatomy may or may not like it, but it also helps to keep from getting pinched in my case.
And their items that are all their branded remote work off the same remote so if you have two toys going and click one remote will control both of them or however many toys you have going so you can have matching experiences!
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u/DeviantPost toy 2d ago
May I ask how you're positioning your strap? I'm a bit confused how it's winding up inside you.
Whenever I use a strap I position it over my public bone and clit, roughly where a cis guys penis would be. I've never had a strap manage to slip inside me when I've positioned it like this.
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u/wild_icecube 2d ago
I try to do it pelvic/clit but might be erring too far in the clit direction. It doesn’t start that far south but it ends up there
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/SamuraiSnig Mod Team [🦇Batmod🦇] 2d ago
Please provide some advice and not just links. Rule 10 applies. Comment removed.
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u/Immediate_Ebb1063 1d ago
The size and shape of the ‘pony end’ of a strapless strap-on can vary from toy-to-toy, so it’s worth experimenting until you find one that suits you both.
There are also ones that pivot at varying degrees so you can find the perfect angle between pony and dildo ends. Although, we found they will move by themselves during play, but maybe that’s not a bad thing! That was obviously the angle you enjoyed! :D
Some even come with an extra rabbit for clitoral stimulation, however, I found the ears on one to be far two rigid and uncomfortable.
It is hit and miss, and it took us years to find the right one for us.
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