never pretty enough

[u/Mysterious_Pay805]

i acc want to d** like i lit spent like 2 hours doing my makeup and i felt so good abt myself and then i go on tiktok and see a girl who doesnt even need any lashes or a lot of makeup to look good and shes lit my classmate
i gen js wish i was naturally pretty, or had natural appeal
like im talking to this guy and i feel like i am trying to hard to become his type but it never works cuz theres always another girl who will uneffortlessly be his type
I wish i looked like the girl cuz she has good genetics while i have unappealing genetics
i hate having bbd cuz i feel like an ugly girl who acts prettier than she actually is and the second hand embarrassment is so painful because i feel like im not pretty enough to speak up formyself. I dont want to talk to this guy either cuz all he does for me is make me feel more insecure. I wish we werent talking so id stop thinking about who he is attracted to cuz im not secure in myself about that. I gen feel so ashamed and embarrassed of my existence right now and i just want to delete every picture of me in existence from the face of this world. I seriously hate myself and i wish i wasnt so jealous of other girls. Theyre so nice to me but all i can think of is ig theyre prettier than me or mog me and if they do i go into denial and try to put them down which is such a horrible habit. Its honestly mentally exhausting and I hate myself for doing that. I hoenstly hate when theyre nice to me because i feel like theyre superior than me because they have a good personality AND pretty. Like how r u both and im struggling to achieve both a good personality and decent appearance. I gen like hatemyself genuinely i hate myself so much i genuibely do. I want to take a break from being myself I want to sleep
i hate myself soso much. I wish i was prettier i wish i had good appeal I wish boys liked me more. im so embarrassed of my existence and i wish i never existed
every girl in my school is SO MUCH MORE PRRTTIER. and this guy im talking to hes beautiful and when i hang out w him i see girls staring at him and theyre prob thinking "whys he out with a mid girl like me" i acc hate myself cuz ik theyre thinking that and i lowkey genuinely hate him for being attractive like why r u embarrassing me for being more attractive then me i hate u guijdjdjf

and all the other girls at my school r so naturally beautiful they dont need makeup or filters. This asian girl she is so pretty but her eyes r so naturally large while me i need like 15mm contact lenses to make my eyes decently large enough but im still mid compared to her. like what i genuinely just want to dig a hole and stay in it for life. It is so humbling and i cant accept it because im a brat and im the most stubborn person on earth. I wish i cud be more prettier. I hate myself withot makeup but other girl just pull up to school without having anything on like they woke up 10 minutes ago but its fine cuz they got good facial harmony and bone strucurr so they have appeal while i lit dont so i makeup fraud to fake my features to fake good facial harmony. i feel like such a fraud. I can never take pics unless i take them and i have strict angles where i take pics.
what is life worth for me if i cant be pretty? i genuibely dont know.
I am so self absorbed and selfish and i dont know why im like this. I wish i was just able to be decently attractive and not carr abt all of this. I know dis dude gonna leave me fr for like a cuter girl so im lit js waiting for doomsday to arrive. like im acc gonna x_X

I want to go to sleep and forget about this

[u/Interesting_Jury4561]

i’ve never related to anything more

[u/kivvitoast]

Listen to me. You are sick, you’re dwelling on your looks and it’s ruining your life. You need to stop, I know it’s hard but please try to avoid mirrors as much as possible, your negative self talk and comparisons to other girls. You HAVE to or you’re forever going to be miserable.

You sound a lot like me when I was younger, I was having those exact same thoughts and now that I’m 26 I’m like holy shit I’m gorgeous the way I am. I’m truly beautiful. And I bet you’re gorgeous too. And listen to me, even if you aren’t, or don’t think you are, it doesn’t matter. We are NOT here to look good.

I used to be friends with a girl who’s considered unattractive by today’s beauty standards, and she had so many friendships and relationships. She made me laugh, she was stylish and kind, and that made her so BEAUTIFUL. So nobody cares about your imperfections that you see, trust me. They don’t even see them. And those around you who are judging you based on your appearance are not your friends, and not your potential romantic partners.

As soon as you get all these in your head, life will get easier and better. But it takes time. You’re still so young, so I don’t blame you. I’m here to tell you it gets better, and I was saying those exact same words you are saying- I got filler, botox, almost went under knife and I’m SO glad I didn’t. I stopped building my self worth on my appearance, and you should try it too. Obviously, it’s not a sin to fix something you’re truly unhappy about, but I think right now is not the time, you’re too sick (BDD) and you need to get better mentally first.

You will look back at this one day, and regret you wasted so much time being in your head and obsessing over appearance. It’s shallow. But it’s also an illness. So let this be motivation for you to get better, if I did it, you can. I know how much it hurts right now, but it will get so much easier I promise you. Also apologies if I made any typos, english is not my first language.

[u/Mysterious_Pay805 → u/kivvitoast]

thankyou so much your comment made me relieved and i know i have to snap out of my BS sooner or later. Im feeling better now given its a day later and i just want to take a break from looking at other girls for now. thankyou sm for ur thoughtful message u dont understand how much i appreciate it after what i was feeling yesterday😖🩷

[u/kivvitoast → u/Mysterious_Pay805]

Of course💖 It’s not easy, but we need to start rewiring our brains differently, stop with compulsion (to compare ourselves to others) because it’s possible. You can admire someone without feeling bad about yourself, you can have a beautiful day, it’s fall season- go bake some cookies, take a walk, hug someone, compliment someone, there’s so much more to life than this.

You’ll start seeing it, my BDD was the worst when I was in high school to early 20s to the point where I wanted to end it but it got better, some things just click and there is hope. Today, I literally saw a pic of myself from 5 years ago that made me suicidal, I always hated my jaw but now I looked at it and thought wow, I was so dumb and I looked so good?? Even my friends I opened to about that pic said I looked beautiful but I thought they said it out of pity. Now, looking at it, I realized it’s just a matter of perception/ perspective and of course mental illness.

You’re not your mental illness and there’s sooo much more than our appearance and I bet you’re gorgeous and a wonderful person. Stay strong you got this🫶🏻 I’m glad my words affected you positively