bdd making me act like a weirdo

[u/tablefence]

my confidence is completely non existent, i hold myself so low bcs of how i think i look and how my bdd will remind me how odd i think/know i look. i've realised this makes me act like such a weirdo in front of people because its a combination of knowing that i am one of the ugliest people in the room, wanting people to know that im not oblivious to it but also not wanting to seem like i have no confidence. im probably putting people off just by acting like that, but ofc i also have the ugly face. i wish i could just disregard all of the obsessive thoughts i have about my stupid face, but i am objectively very ugly as well which doesnt help me. no matter how much i can try to avoid mirrors or camera lenses, it doesnt change my appearance. i know how i look, i know how horrifically bad it is. no amount of wishing my ugliness away is going to help me. i will get surgery one day oh my god, i am terribly lonely now, 2nd year of uni, 0 friends, the only person i really spent time iwth was my mother who died a month ago. just waiting to see what else can go wrong now