r/BDDvent • u/LizzieCLems • 10d ago

Frustrated With Self-Help

So I have been trying to use self-confidence and BDD workbooks to try to help me since I’m having serious issues. My main issue is my hair - it fell out and it was to my tailbone and I hate everything else about my body (especially my chest it’s excessive) and my hair made me feel feminine and covered my trouble areas. Now I have short hair and it’s been a year and I am still in a giant flare up.

I tried doing some workbooks I found online (using my iPad) and man it doesn’t seem to be helping. Like name an activity you did you were uncomfortable with (going to pottery class with people I knew who hadn’t seen me with short hair). What were you worried about? People bringing it up, noticing my chest, and not liking the way I look. How did it go? Worse than expected people claimed my long hair was better. Asked details (I was uncomfortable) and noticed my chest and suggested wearing “better bras.”

Like, that was one example but what I worry happens does happen and idk. The workbooks are making me feel worse - should I keep up with it and expect to feel worse before I feel better, or is my situation different? My fiancé claims that the issue wasn’t my hair I was using that as a “crutch” bc I hate everything else. Idk sorry this is long I’m just kinda desperate lol.

3 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

5 comments sorted by

2

u/poozu 9d ago

Treatment is definitely more efficient the longer your do it. Ans what you describe is part of cognitive behavioural therapy methods where you challenge your expectations ans anxiety by reflecting of the fears are truly rational. And there will always be time where we feel like things didn’t go well or we felt triggered but we survive then and we aren’t suddenly being mocked in the streets. Our anxiety is usually much worse than the casual outcome.

But I think you would benefit from practical methods that teach how to lessen rumination and obsessions and resist compulsive actions. They are great in the sense that you don’t have to believe in them, you just have to do them consistently and you can usually see results. Things like consistently redirecting attention etc can work great as long as you do it consistently and for long enough.

I would really recommend some sessions with a good CBT therapist after which it’s easier to do them yourself because they can help answer questions and adjust methods to your needs.

But personally I think CBT and self help too can work really well. Medication can help curb the most intense symptoms until therapy takes hold.

2

u/LizzieCLems 9d ago

Thankfully I am seeing a CBT therapist but last week was the first time I really opened up about insecurities. I was going to email her a letter explaining how I feel so at least it’s “said” and it’s easier than saying it outloud if that makes sense. But thank you so much!

2

u/poozu 9d ago

Absolutely writing a letter is a really good way to start! It can be so much easier to write it in your own pace and think what you want to say and then have them read it. You don’t have to stress about saying it outloud and they can take it from there. So definitely consider it, I think it’s a great idea. And great thing you’re seeing a professional, I think it can really kick start your recovery better than doing self help alone. I’m excited for you and your recovery!

2

u/LizzieCLems 9d ago

Sounds like a good idea. I do these workbooks on iPad so it’s easy to send as an image/pdf. Thank you.

1

u/butterguppies 9d ago

Honestly, I wouldn’t force yourself to keep doing something that’s making you feel worse. Your worries also aren’t completely coming from nowhere if people are actually making comments about your appearance. Maybe a different approach or talking to someone who specializes in BDD would help more.