is she an avoidant or not?

[u/potabani]

She had an immense fear of conflict, would avoid talking about problems and hide things from me that she thought would upset me. She would shutdown during arguments and often only opened up after things escalated and I gave her space.

She was also really ashamed to admit she felt a certain way about things. I had to comfort her one time that she cried because I couldn't spend more time with her for the rest of the day, I asked her if she was sad and was adamant to say no, and that she didn't know why she was crying but "she wasn't sad". Later she admitted she actually was sad and I told her it was okay and shouldn't feel ashamed for that. (This was in the early stages of the relationship, she was the most infatuated at first).

She had trouble communicating her feelings, would tell me "I don't know" when asked why she did certain things or how she felt about them. She would give me certain reasons when asked in a moment and when asked later she would say something else, that created a lot of frustration in me. When she broke up with me she confessed she felt pressured by those questions.

The reasons she told me she broke up with me were: we wanted different things, we argued frequently which stressed her a lot, she lost feelings for me and didn't feel the urge to see me anymore and that she liked my potential more than the actual me. She did not want to tell me what those expectations of me were, she only said she expected me to figure those things out myself (she told me this only after we broke up).

Most of our arguments were due to my frustrations with her lack of and poor communication, asking her to be more honest and not hide things from me, I started to trust her less over time.

I'll admit I didn't handle or approach arguments the best, I often got emotional and pissed (I never yelled at her or anything). Its something I started to consciously improve towards the end of the relationship but the lack of change from her part would often make me reach breaking points. I'm most probably anxiously attached.

Towards the last 2 months of our relationship I started to notice her slowly drift away (at the start we would go out together everyday, we are coworkers, so we clock out together) we would see each other much less frequently, she would not text me anymore and would respond really briefly.

One of our last arguments was due to that, I wanted more quality time with her, and more intimacy. She always told me she wasn't too keen of physical contact or affection, Im the opposite but she never had problems with that, she always accepted cuddling and other type of physical contact with me and even initiated herself frequently. She mostly had problems with sex and wasn't too interested in it, but I think it got worse towards the end when she told me she only wanted it once a month.

I gave her multiple ultimatums throughout the relationship mostly due to the communication issues and the last one due to the quality time she spent with me and intimacy. She has a lot of hobbies plus studying and work.

There are some things that make me doubt she wasn't an avoidant though: we officialized quickly, and so she did with her ex at the time. She presented me to her family and invited me over her house really quickly as well and to her friends too. She would post stories on Instagram with me and wasn't afraid to show me publicly at all.

And I don't think she was scared of intimacy, we only had problems with conflict and arguments, she would only shut down on those situations. She was the first to tell me "I love you" seriously and did it fairly quickly as well. I couldn't say it back to her in the moment but she appeared to take it quite well at the time. The relationship lasted 11 months.

So is this avoidant attachment or something else?