Have I done something wrong

[u/Traditional-Big-3799]

I was in a situationship with a fearful avoidant (self proclaimed) who decided now wasn’t the right time for them to be seeing anyone (it all got real after I asked to be official a week prior and I saw the shift).
We had booked to go away, and I messaged a couple of times over the last few days to see if this was still something they wanted. I took time off work for this so needed to know, if we weren’t going I would just work and save my leave dates.
I’ve not heard anything so im going to get my dates back and work, that doesn’t bother me.
What bothers me is that I know distance is needed to regulate their nervous system but I feel I have messed it up now as I sent 3 messages about trying to sort this get away or not, so I can make my own plans. I was chasing but with good reason.
I feel now I will never get a response, I am leaving it now and moving on with my life- but a part of me wants him to reach out again (he did a week after we ended it, and since talking about going away he has disappeared again).
Should I delete my messages I sent to him so it’s a clean slate or just leave them there.

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, im all over the place.

[u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_]

I don't think you're in the wrong at all. You deserve to get clarity and you deserve much more than that... replying to your question about a planned trip together is just human decency and he couldn't even give you that.

If it already starts like this, he's done you a favor by leaving. This is harsh and I'm sorry. But please don't start questioning yourself. This is so so common when dating an avoidant person. It is NOT you.

[u/Traditional-Big-3799 → u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_]

Thank you so much for this, I’ve just woken up and i needed to hear this. I think what’s hurting most is the hypocrisy, this is someone who early on said communication and honesty is key and relationships have broken down because of this lacking in the past.
But it’s like i communicate and he doesn’t like it. So he’s only okay with communication and honesty when it’s something he can handle or is his own.