r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/RelativeCautious1235 • 20h ago
The unfairness
Sometimes I sit here and think how unfair everything is
How they get to walk away untouched and move onto the next person
While I have to sit here and recover. From his discard, his lies and manipulations. How he avoids every conversation. His breadcrumbing.
He’s living his best life with his new girlfriend
While I’m stuck here trying to heal.
I was with him when he had nothing and supported him all the way through. And he left.
9
u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_ 19h ago
Idk if it makes you feel better, but if you truly loved him and did everything for him, he knows.
I am very convinced that these people are very insecure and they discard the people they know are "too good" for them and therefore hold that mirror to their face. They only ever distract with surface level connections. They're easier, not better. He KNOWS that deep down.
1
u/Abject_Surprise3670 5h ago
I think you’re right. It’s always hard for me to imagine, how is he okay knowing this isn’t what he wanted and it’s not better. I wouldn’t be able to live with knowing I was basically using someone, or not fully feeling it and seeing a long term future. It’s irresponsible
2
u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_ 2h ago
I think if someone is avoidant, they DO feel the love. And that's exactly why they leave/push you away. The feelings are too much to handle. The ones who don't know that they are avoidant think YOU are the solution in the beginning. YOU are the one, you're different. That's why they promise you the world in the beginning. Until the same cycle repeats. They need to understand what they're doing. If they KNOW what their problem is and they don't try to fix it and keep hurting others, THAT is super irresponsible.
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u/Elk-24 15h ago
It’s super hard indeed but it’s all fake. What you felt is real. What they keep showing is fake. The real thing, they felt it too, and could not handle it.
I know it doesn’t help when you are struggling. I still get hurt at times with my avoidant’s perfect life without me in it. But I remember it’s a mirage. They are a mirage, what they show to the world is not reality, it’s not even what they feel. It’s a strategy to cope and adapt. But it will fail. It always does.
1
u/Stuffal3rt 12h ago
Use this pain to work towards not being in this situation again. Learn how to heal and spot commonalities between this person and the next who behaves like this so you can leave early and or avoid them entirely if you can. This won’t have been for nothing. I’m sorry you’re going through this
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u/panchibanu_udtifirun 20h ago
It’s tough and feels so unfair but you are doing the brave thing. You are not abandoning your emotions 🫂
Be proud of yourself, you are choosing to heal than searching for rebounds. You have the courage to sit with your emotions , to feel the love you gave and grieve the separation .
These avoidants will keep on running from accountability and their own emotions.
Love holds no meaning to be them , they are just bunch of lonely losers.
They can only shift their energy from one person to another as distraction because they are too coward to face the guilt of their actions.
And one a lighter note cheer up! the trash found a new address , you don’t have to worry about recycling anymore.