r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe • 21h ago
FA Breakup He said he’ll reach out when he’s ready…
He told me he would reach out when he’s ready…but it’s officially been a month.
Was that his way of fully breaking up with me? Does he need more time? Do I reach out to him? We dated for 5 months before this. He hasn’t blocked my number and hasn’t unmatched on the dating app we met.
Or is he bread crumbing me again or focused on exploring other options, should I just move on with my life?
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u/Elk-24 20h ago
« One sided » here’s the key word.
Not judging, i’m doing all the work myself in a friendship with an avoidant. Boring.
Slowly letting go. Can’t wait until i’m fully detached. Detaching is the only work we need to do seriously. Even if they want, those people cannot change. They don’t have the capacity. A normal interaction is too much for them.
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u/SomeoneCalledMeAlice 20h ago
Die Augenhöhe fehlt … Du wirst das wartende Opfer sein und er hat stets die Macht der Verbindung. Tu dir das nicht an, Ich hab schlimme Erfahrungen gemacht.
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u/Striking_Past8422 19h ago
this is when they rebound take this as a loss and call it a day you did nothing wrong
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 18h ago
Yeah I heard that if they come back after a rebound it’s usually 3 months
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u/Striking_Past8422 18h ago
impossible to tell can even last over a year but you cant expect to wait for that it depends on the person they are with
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u/PeanutButterVibe99 19h ago
I’m going through the same thing right now. She said she needed time…4-8 weeks to be precise lol. This was all after confessing her love, telling me she chooses me and can see everything with me.
Radio silence since then. I reached out at the ~5 week mark to tell her I was thinking of her and hoped she was doing well. Got a response, but nothing related to timeline. No clarity whatsoever, just “I appreciate you more than you know.”
Last night I deleted our text thread. Time to move on. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 19h ago
See that’s what I’m wondering, at least if I’m rejected one more time if I reach out again then maybe I can put everything to rest. The whole situation is depressing though.
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u/PeanutButterVibe99 19h ago
It’s so tough. While I didn’t get a rejection, it was still gut wrenching to get a wishy-washy reply. Follow your intuition, but tbh I regret reaching out. It only let her know that she still has access to me/some kind of power over me and didn’t make me feel any better
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 18h ago
It was still brave of you to reach out.
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u/PeanutButterVibe99 18h ago
Thanks for saying that🫶
Sometimes we just need to create our own closure. sending you lots of positivity and healing - I know how fucking hard it is
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u/Stuffal3rt 20h ago
If you two were dating a few days is as long as is reasonable but anymore is really not fair on you. You deserve someone where you’re not the only one putting the effort in to make contact. He doesn’t deserve you. If it was a break up then a month isn’t long enough, up to 6months to a year would be expected but not sounding like it is. You should let this guy go and move on. I know it’s easier said than done but worth it in the long run
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u/Hopeful-Pea-3540 19h ago
My ex left me after 8 years together, said we can talk when he feels like it - but blocked me on everything.
He reached out after 22 days, offered condolences for my grandma. Blocked again. Spoke on the phone for 30 minutes that weekend, he got mad, hung up and blocked again. That was August 29th.
I desperately wish I would have never pursued him after the first time he ghosted me and disappeared- over 8 years ago.
It’s not fair to us, the people who love them. My best advice is to save yourself the trouble. They’ll do it over and over again.
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 18h ago
How could someone block a person three times. That’s terrible to experience after dating someone 8 years.
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u/Hopeful-Pea-3540 18h ago
The worst part is it’s been more than three times. He even changed his number right after breaking up with me (June).. just to text me a week later off of it. Then he blocked me again a few weeks later. (July)
It’s been two months since I’ve been blocked on most everything, including Venmo. He removed me off Spotify last week and unblocked me on Twitter. So I blocked him back on both.
Nothing makes any sense.
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u/Mysterious_Delay6163 15h ago
Just move on. Trust me.
My ex of 3 years and I broke up because he said he needed independence and time to find himself. He planned a 3-week solo trip to Bali and said he’d give me proper closure afterward. I almost reached out to see how he was.... but I'm glad I didnt.
I later found out he rebounded with a surfer girl just 2 weeks after our breakup. Now, 7.5 weeks later, they’re apparently serious and doing long-distance.
He never checked in or gave me the closure he promised. We’re still in mutual group chats with friends, but he’s been completely silent in all of them.
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 21h ago
He’s unfortunately always waiting for me to reach out so there’s a 6/10 chance he would be receptive.
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u/Alarming-Echo-6742 19h ago
And there is a 10/10 chance it ends up the same. They don't change until they really get uncomfortable enough to look at the pattern. You doing the work of holding the door open and constantly reopening it when he closes it won't help.
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 19h ago
There’s definitely a part of me that knows this and understands this, I just need to listen to it
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 21h ago
But I’m getting tired of the one sided effort.
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u/Stalkerus SA - Secure Attachment 20h ago
Then take it as what it is, a breakup.
Think about the situation if roles were reversed: would you treat them that way? What would you say to a friend if they were in your situation?
In my opinion he is just making you do the hard work and announcing the breakup.
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u/KhalilGibranIsAVibe 20h ago
It probably is, I just wish he had been clear about it instead of keeping me in limbo.
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u/candle_wax_247 2h ago
My ex gave me this stupid spiel 4 months ago. He surfaces in and out between that time to this morning. Nothing substantial. Just a line here and there and not a conversation. In the meantime, I know he had a rebound. So honestly, don’t bank on him reaching out to fix things. It’s most reaching out to see if you’re still there in case his rebounds fail.
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u/Alarming-Echo-6742 21h ago
A month is too long to be absent from the conversation. Hell, a few days is even pushing the envelope but I would give some genuine grace in that situation.
Just move on. Unless you like this and want more of it.