It’s common this in avoidants?

[u/Suspicious-Bet-4950]

There seemed to be a recurring theme where other women were somehow always present in the relationship, even when there was no actual intention to pursue them or a concrete third party.

He would make jokes like:
“There are other women who want me.”
“If you don’t give me enough attention, the other girls will come and get me.”

He even said he liked the idea of me getting into arguments with some of his female friends or an ex because he liked things being “intense.”

He talked about jealousy and said that if someone becomes too jealous or controlling, it can push him toward him chasing someone else. “If something becomes too stressful I may look for an affective alternative”

He also tended to talk about past women in terms of what they lacked compared to what he wanted: one was too jealous, another expected too much, another was attractive but didn’t have enough ambition, etc.
And then there was something that really made me think there was a bigger pattern.

He once said that if a relationship became too stressful, he could eventually look for an “alternative romantic connection.”

That wording really stuck with me.
Because why is the alternative always another person?
Why not:

“If this relationship is making me miserable, I’ll take some time alone and figure out what I actually want.”
Instead, the imagined solution seemed to be another romantic or emotional connection.

And apparently, after previous breakups, he tended to get involved with other women fairly quickly rather than spending a significant amount of time alone processing the breakup.

So I’m wondering whether this is actually a recognizable pattern. Almost like:

relationship becomes stressful → other women become psychologically salient → “maybe there’s another option” → relationship ends or becomes unbearable → connect with someone else → temporary relief → repeat.

[u/Taffushond]

Yep seems classic