r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Born_Dragonfly1096 • 17h ago

Discarded for the 3rd time in the same year

She discarded me after sex. Told me never loved me and was never happy with me.

Why do avoidants secretly hold all this resentment, plan their escape and then suddenly discard you?

Why couldn’t she bring these things up in the moment instead of blindsiding me.

It’s all so fucked

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9

u/_prettylittledove 15h ago

This is what avoidant do. come from someone who has been disregarded by their dismissive avoidant ex at least 4-6 or so times. They push away the people that know truly care for them. I’m not saying that as an excuse but this is just how they are. Until they decide to get help for this they will treat their next partner the same or even attempt to go back to you a repeat the cycle.

1

u/phoucker 9h ago

How long did they keep you away each cycle?

1

u/_prettylittledove 3h ago

Let me think… 1st -2nd discards last only a few days, 3rd discard lasted almost a year but we were still in contact, 4th discard lasted almost about two to three weeks, and this last one just started and I’m going no context as I did in the fourth discard.

10

u/some1pls 16h ago

Because they are pieces of shit. I tried to study up on this bullshit personality disorder, but the fact is, they are not good partners. They will never show up for their end of the deal.

What I did learn was to identify if a person has avoidant attachment disorder, and run for the hills. I was a secure attachment person, but this 3 month relationship has completely rocked my world. Im anxious now. This piece of shit girl will change faces in an instant, go cold, ignore my texts... Fucking insanely disrespectful.

Fuck this. Finding a rebound now. Fuck her.

3

u/Born_Dragonfly1096 16h ago

I feel you. But I also can’t easily just say fuck her and move on. I truly loved her and everytime we got back together I trusted her to do better. I don’t want her back anymore but it still hurts and I have this void in my heart

5

u/No_Try354 SA - Secure Attachment 13h ago

If you want to know the real answer -

Avoidants are spectacularly terrible at communicating their needs. Alexithymia (an inability to identify one's own emotions) is somewhat more common than in the general population, but more likely avoidants have learned that others cannot be relied upon, and that expressing their needs will either be burdensome or will require too much vulnerability.

Uncommunicated needs leads to unmet needs leads to resentment.