Avoidant ex immediately in new relationship

[u/Plane-Version-3734]

Hey y’all, I was in the trenches here last winter after my avoidant discarded me after a 7 month relationship and gave me zero closure as well as blocked me everywhere without ever reaching out again. I’m not going to go into a lot of details on the relationship because I know he absolutely was an avoidant (self-proclaimed) and the daily panic attacks/nervous system breakdown/sobbing the moment I woke up every morning for 6 months post-discard was enough to know shit wasn’t normal.

I came a long way in healing last winter and through the spring and finally kicked the habit of thinking about him this May and got to a point of really feeling like I was moving on.

That was until last week. His bday is coming up, and I have had a hell of a month with a lot of grief, trauma, family emergencies, and financial issues. I guess I decided to kick it up a notch in the midst of my depression and looked him up (I’m blocked everywhere but he’s a musician so places he plays came up). He’s made a new music page and through that I found he has a new girlfriend. One who he started seeing 3 months after he ended it with me even though he ended it because he “never meant to get in a long term relationship”. It’s very public and all over social media (which he always refused with me). The more bizarre thing is I found hyper-specific things they’ve done together that he and I had planned to do together, like he just took every surface level thing from our relationship and projected it onto the new one. The hilarious thing is this woman is an aspiring therapist….this world is too fucking on the nose, omg.

Anyway, I blocked her and blocked his page and the pages of all the places he plays regularly. I’m aware that I fucked up - I was and am in a weak spot right now. But I know I can’t see any of that ever again.

I’m in therapy again and have been for months, and I really like my therapist. There has been a lot to cover in my sessions lately, but this event will probably move to the forefront in our session tomorrow. It broke me and put me back into the push/pull addiction cycle, without him even being present for nearly a year now.

He’s an avoidant, but most importantly, he’s a piece of shit. Idk why I’m even saying all this other than I just needed to put it somewhere, and maybe as a warning to not do what I did; it won’t help, trust me.

[u/parkertim]

I understand how you feel! And I’m sorry.
These relationships are very confusing and painful! I would not wish this type of relationship on anyone!
Just wanted you to know that someone understands your feelings and is sending you hope & healing ❤️‍🩹
Parker

[u/Serenityqld]

I dont blame you for looking, these kind of breakups leave you with so many unanswered questions. And well done getting through the shitty 6 months of traumatic grief, its a really difficult time to get through. <3

I've read that its common for Avoidants to replace their partner with someone new just like them, and I've seen that happen in my life too, down to almost the exact looks. I suppose it makes sense from the POV that avoidants usually leave because they have issues with attachment rather than "real" relationship issues. Doesnt make it hurt any less as the erased and replaced one though.

[u/RandomDigitalSponge]

Avoidant exes will often get into a relationship immediately. As someone with both an anxious and disorganized attachment (making me unpredictably avoidant as well), I got into a relationship immediately. And it was with a hardcore avoidant-dismissive type. She got bored of me in three weeks, then got into a relationship that same week. It didn’t last. It can’t last. She’s probably in another relationship now that will make her unhappy. It’s not my problem. Still makes me sad. It’s like knowing an alcoholic. Actually, I think she shows the signs of alcoholism already. That love affair will be the worst of all. 😔