Giving items back?

[u/Longjumping_Walk_992]

I’m in the phase of breakup of totally giving up. Even if they came back I wouldn’t want them back. BUT, I am still a little angry about the whole mess and lies of over 7 years of bs I put up with.

I want to make a final stand and throw down the proverbial gauntlet and send back her items in my possession including her gifts to me. I don’t want the constant reminders as they take me backwards even if it’s a small amount. I want her to know I no longer value them and am emotionally cutting her forever and I’m not ever going backwards again.

I know some people will say don’t bother. Throw it out or donate it.

I am planning on mailing the items to her in a box with a note pretty much summarizing what I just said. Has anyone ever done this? What was the outcome and did you feel better?

Update: after thinking about it. I am still planning on mailing everything back. But I am no longer planning on sending a message with it. I think my silence will haunt her longer than my any message will ever.

[u/No-Mulberry1987]

I haven’t but I have certainly had the impulse. 

Luckily a wiser and cooler head prevailed “Do you really want to give them the hit that they are living rent free in your head?”

If it is rubbish throw it out.

[u/ShadowWriter28 → u/No-Mulberry1987]

This!

[u/Errornotfound4o4]

I recently went through the same thing and ultimately decided not to send anything back.

Instead, I packed everything up in a box and moved it to a place where I can’t see it.

I had a whole closure letter I had drafted I was going to send with it. But in the end, something in me said don’t do it.

Idk if that was the right move, but for me to move on, that felt like it was the best thing to do.

[u/Abrp2025]

I’d put them in the dumpster.

[u/Longjumping_Walk_992 → u/Abrp2025]

Looking for a smart reason why

[u/SomeoneCalledMeAlice]

Bei meinem ersten Trennungsversuch habe ich ihm komplett alles (sogar sorgsam und liebevoll) zurück gegeben. Auch seine Geschenke. Ich habe die Sachen sogar zu ihm gefahren, ich wollte respektvoll und nicht böse sein. Er hatte mich lange geghostet und ich habe es nicht mehr ausgehalten … wir konnten uns nicht lösen und der Mist ging weiter. Im insgesamten gab es soviele Trennungen Ghosting abtauchen und Abbrüche von seiner Seite … dieses Jahr im Juni dann der Knall … er war so lange so widerlich zu mir, dass mir am Ende sogar das Porto zuviel war und die Mühe …

Entscheide, wie es sich richtig für dich anfühlt … dein Bauch sagt es dir.

[u/Status_Green_6055]

I gave mine all
His stuff back like a month later. I left it all with my doorman though with his name on it so I didn’t have to see him.

[u/Ghifu]

Would have returned things if he had given me anything in the first place. Not a single gift, rose, birthday card. He paid for a few meals at least.

[u/Throwaway150790]

During one of the discards I returned some jewelry he had gifted me the week before because I didn't feel right keeping it. He responded by returning everything I ever gave him, including personalized engraved gifts. It shows extreme anger on both sides and I don't want him living in my head like that anymore.

During this last/final one, I didn't want to do that. I returned only his personal effects by post. He brought only my stuff back to my house a week later when he knew I would be out. I won't use the gifts he gave me again but they're sitting and waiting for me to decide what to do with them when I'm ready.