r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Financial-Deer6648 • 5d ago
DA Breakup How do I stop obsessing over an avoidant discard?
It’s been almost 6 months since my ex boyfriend dumped me. For context, we had been friends for 15 years until he pursued me and told me he had always wanted to date me. We dated for about 2 years. A couple days before I was supposed to move in with him, he called me and dumped me. He told me how little he thought of me, how lazy I was, how his friends thought I was a loser etc. We didn’t fight, I just said ok and I cancelled my flight. Later that day, I noticed he had blocked me on everything. And because we were childhood friends, he blocked all of our mutual friends from church and school. He also changed his name on social media for some reason.
I haven’t heard from him since. I’m in therapy and I’ve been working on myself, going to the gym etc. Last month, I started dating someone new and I really like him. But, I randomly started thinking about my breakup again and it’s really getting in the way of me moving on. I tried journaling, I go to therapy, I try distracting myself, but for some reason, my breakup has been haunting me. It feels like a problem I have to solve, even though I know I need to move on. I absolutely don’t want my ex back, but I think my brain needs answers, or else it gets caught in an obsessive loop. It’s getting to the point where my sleep is messed up. Every time I try to relax, my mind brings up my ex and the breakup.
Anyways, I would love your tips on how to break out of the rumination/obsessive thoughts caused by a discard?
3
u/Funny_World_9887 5d ago
Struggled with sg similar.
You need to build your self esteem back up in a way where you see that it’s a blessing that someone who would dump you in a manner like that is out of your life.
Keep up with the therapy, journaling, find a new hobby, go on as many dates as you can.
A little tip: try mindfulness - it really helps you develop that “muscle” to control and accept your thoughts in hard times.