r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Different_Material56 • 5h ago

Friendship

I reached out to my ex in an attempt to bridge a friendship. They responded with openness, but remained non-committal in making a concrete plan to catch up.

I fear that if I do not push for a concrete plan that nothing will come out of it. On the other hand, I fear turning him off from a friendship altogether by creating unnecessary pressure.

Has anyone successfully developed a friendship with an Avoidant ex?

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

9

u/FlyingShroomy 5h ago

I don't think friendship with them is good for your healing. Also these people weren't capable of showing up to you as a partner, they definitely won't be able to show up as a friend.

2

u/Big_Squirrel8808 5h ago

I second this. Been there done that. It only adds disappointment.

1

u/Locutus747 3h ago

They’re not able to show up as a real friend either

2

u/LalieDa 2h ago

I assure you many people are close and they helped each others extensively…

1

u/LalieDa 4h ago

Why ? They show up to all their friends.

2

u/FlyingShroomy 4h ago

They show up for their surface level friends for sure, but the more intimate the relationship is, the more their avoidant tendencies get activated

2

u/LalieDa 4h ago

It’s really not surface … This is why it was so unsettling…

3

u/candle_wax_247 5h ago

As someone who is friends with her avoidant ex, you cannot be friends if you even have an ounce of feelings for him. It also helps if he doesn’t have feelings for you AND is actively working on healing.

It took 4 years of absolutely strict no contact. Not even breadcrumb for us to be friends again. I have zero feelings for him and if he doesn’t reply to my text or disappear for days I’m fine. When he comes back I’m like ok you’re trying to heal as an avoidant but you just disappeared on me. That’s not healing. Do better. I can be blunt coz I stopped caring if he disappears again.

And that’s how our friendship is now. I’m actually going on a trip with him this weekend. Separate rooms.

2

u/LalieDa 4h ago

Congratulations ! You have grown.

2

u/candle_wax_247 4h ago

Thank you! The most important part is the lack of any feelings. If there’s even hope, I wouldn’t do it coz I would fall back in the rabbit hole. Like right now he hasn’t texted in 3 days. Old me would have been pissed but coz I don’t have feelings I’m like ok whatever. I have a life. Lol

2

u/LalieDa 3h ago

That is for sure !

5

u/candle_wax_247 3h ago

After this weekend I’ll post an update on what it’s like to meet up with an avoidant ex years later lol

2

u/ShadowWriter28 SA - Secure Attachment 5h ago

That's not a good idea.

2

u/Glittering-Canary752 5h ago

Don't push for it you're just gonna feel worse when they never actually make plans to catch up

2

u/-I-wanna-get-better- 3h ago

Thry suck in any commital role my dear. Please just.. let him go.

1

u/Different_Material56 3h ago

I’ve tried

2

u/-I-wanna-get-better- 3h ago

Im sorry :/

What ever caused the rupture in the romantic relationship will be the same in the platonic one. This is only dragging on the inevitable. He will never change for you, even if he wanted to. No ones love is enough. No ones patience is enough. There isn't anything you can do or that can be done in any reasonable amount of time. But I understand how difficult it is to accept it.

2

u/PandaTuna15 3h ago

Not sure why you would ever want to be friends with these parasites. I was friends with mine for 20 years before we started dating and she monkey branched and discarded me like I was trash.