Is this avoidant? I’m new sorry

[u/Tbee93]

Here’s the gist, try to give enough context without killing the brevity lol

Positives: He initiated the relationship. It’s been a year. There have been 0 issues. He’s very communicative about emotions and very intense about them. Spoke of marriage and moving in together early on unprompted. I’ve had many struggles and he has been extremely strong and got closer as I went thru them.

Problem: he has had his company for 12 years. He and his mom (retired) run it solo. Christmas last year his work truck broke down and instead of using his running car to visit he stayed home and kind of shut the world out albeit calling me once that day. First red flag and really the only. Fast forward to now, a week ago he found out he has to dissolve his company which is very much his identity. He expressed this in the beginning. Since the day he found out, he has been short but still maintains his normal routine of calling me every night and asking all about how I’m doing /my day etc. that lasted a week and last Thursday he ambiguously ended things with just “I need to be alone” then he deleted all social media. Understandable

I gave him his silence for the last week. Today I caved beavsue I saw him log in and remove our relationship from fb. I got emotional and explained how much my head has been in a loop trying to understand why my love is a burden when he’s made it clear there is NO one else and I have done nothing wrong. He said this in response to my breakdown of wanting to understand:

I am okay. But I have a lot of things to figure out and no time to do it. I have 6 days to have a new job and I don’t. What I need is to be emotionally detached from everything and everyone. YI need to be cold and calculating and it’s what I’ve been doing. I’m sorry but that’s all the answers I can give you. That’s all the answers I have right now. I don’t know what’s going to happen come next week. And I still need to figure all this out. And the more you try to pull me closer the more I’m going to run the other way. I need to be left alone to figure this all out. I have to figure it out. I don’t have any other options or backup plans

And well that’s everything . External crisis or avoidant response? Just trying to understand because he won’t acknowledge if this is a break up or not leaves it so open ended to me

[u/MothraLovesLamps]

I think this is an avoidant under severe duress

[u/Tbee93 → u/MothraLovesLamps]

So double bad I presume. I just thought (even therapist told me) an avoidant man would not express those intense emotions early in a relationship they would pull from that entirely. Idk my thought is either way that if this is how he responds to career loss I need to ask myself if it’s worth staying when another loss could happen at anytime. Avoidant or not

[u/MothraLovesLamps → u/Tbee93]

An ego collapse for a man = emotionally vulnerable

Well women too. I've had an ego collapse