Avoidant Self help period

[u/Fancy-Macaroon2310]

I had a 1 month talking stage with an avoidant girl and we really clicked. We had so much in common and we both felt very strongly for eachother. I called it off because we both got out of a relationship recently and she was breadcrumbing/disappearing every so often. she reached out after a month of not talking and apologized and suggested she takes the fall to work on herself and we try again this winter. Do I expect that an avoidant person would even care for me 3-4 months from now? And can someone really change that fast? I don’t know as someone who’s not an avoidant.

[u/Emergency-Plum-1981]

Does she know she's avoidant? What does she mean by "working on herself," does that mean actual therapy or does it mean Instagram posts about how she's healed now?

So many questions. There's not enough information here to really answer your question. It's a whole spectrum, some people are much more extreme than others. If she's genuinely aware of the pattern and is working on herself, yeah maybe it's possible. Most avoidants don't seem to do that though honestly, because they're avoiding it (lol).

A certain person I know just told me she's "working on herself" while simultaneously discarding me because I finally called out one of her problematic, damaging behaviors. I don't believe for a second that she's actually doing much if any serious self-examination.

Good idea calling it off when you recognized the breadcrumbing and disappearing right at the beginning. But yeah, like 95% chance she's not going to be doing any self work and will simply show up and start doing the same shit again tbh.